thanks
Thanks to all who have watched and left comments. I'm really looking for real feedback and criticism more than I am looking for a vote, here. I want to know everything that is wrong with what I wrote and made in a very short period of time. I can think of quite a few things myself that I want to explain.
The comment above about the doctor's motives are a real problem in my opinion. Why would this doctor help John to contact his wife if he was the one who killed her? If John's only path to realizing this was through the doctor then that just doesn't make sense, right? Well this is a problem I had in writing the film which is why I decided, in the interest of the time I had to make this, and my ultimate goals for the project, that I would use the premise as a means to giving myself an exercise in execution. I'm a film student at Emerson College in Boston (19 yr old sophomore) and I'm here to learn more about how to make better films and tell better stories. But I also spent all of high school making documentaries, including almost 2 years on one hour-long film dedicated to street performance. I don't have a lot of experience executing a script to the screen. So I focussed on that and I'm happy with the way it came out to that end.
As far as the story goes: I'm a lot less happy and I feel like I have quite a ways to go. I think the story needs a context, even for a short. The characters don't have motivations for any of what they are doing and there is certainly the big contradiction that I pointed out above between the doctor and myself. Something I don't feel like I achieved was a dream-like feeling to identify with my character. The film shifts back and forth but without accomplishing a whole lot, in my opinion. In writing the film, part of my concession to this becoming more of an exercise was the fact that I couldn't decide to go for a dream-like film that screws with the audience's perception of what REALLY is going on, or a straight story the includes dream-like parts. I also really couldn't decide where I wanted that technique to go in terms of the story. Why is my character trying to contact Emily? How did he get to this doctor? MOST IMPORTANTLY, why did the doctor kill Emily and why is he helping me? I would really love to hear how other people feel about the way this story plays out and what would make it into a fuller film with some context and fascination to it. Thanks so much everyone.
-JD