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Old 09-07-2017, 03:17 PM   #1
Inarius
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Feedback Request - short script - 12 pages

Hey guys, I wrote a short script, I'd love to get some feedback before I go shooting it.

Synopsis:
A married couple of screenwriters arrive at a business restaurant to meet a Hollywood director interested in their script, yet they can't agree about the ending of the movie, so they want to use the limited time they have to finish it. The first reason they can't come to an agreement is because of their marriage issues and egos. The second reason is that the waiter is their embarrassing friend from high school cinematography studies 20 years ago. This waiter knows they're about to meet a Hollywood director, so he wants them to help him enter the industry as well. Not only the waiter interrupts them from writing an ending to their script, but the couple are also afraid that the waiter might embarrass them in front the Hollywood Director and ruin the meeting. They seek to get rid of him by all means necessary, which includes mocking and abusing him, just like they did in high school. But little they know what skeletons the waiter has in his closet.

Link:
Latte, no sugar

*If there are problems with the link or with google docs formatting, let me know please.

Thank you very much!
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Old Today   #1A
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Old 09-07-2017, 03:38 PM   #2
deleted
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I like the twist in the end however the pacing in the last act is off for me.

It feels like Leetal is doing more than 2 minutes of work, while the guy who turns out to be the driver is walking slower than an 100 year old man with a walker.

Also Leetal's sudden change in attitude towards Yoni seems too drastic.

But overall good story.
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Old 09-07-2017, 04:35 PM   #3
Inarius
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Thank you very much!

Last edited by Inarius; 09-08-2017 at 02:14 AM.
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Old 10-09-2017, 09:24 AM   #4
stevencwood
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I'll critique in exchange for a critique on one of mine.

I posted a few here.

http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=63916
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