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Burning Faith Screenplay

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This is something that struck me:

MARY
You need to forgive him.

Nathanael's dialogue here could be cut as it's exposition the
reader/audience has already read/seen,
and in terms of the character's perspectives they would know what they're
talking about without Nathanael needing to mention the event.

NATHANAEL
Hershel is the reason why Philip and I lost our father. That was his decision to make his son work in a gold mine. I still blame him for the accident.
 
Last edited:
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PhantomScreenwriter said:
This is something that struck me:

MARY
You need to forgive him.

Nathanael's dialogue here could be cut as it's exposition the
reader/audience has already read/seen,
and in terms of the character's perspectives they would know what they're
talking about without Nathanael needing to mention the event.

NATHANAEL
Hershel is the reason why Philip and I lost our father. That was his decision to make his son work in a gold mine. I still blame him for the accident.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the feedback! We added the accident to the script today, I missed that and should of changed it.
Thank you for pointing it out though!
 
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Zaco32 said:
Hello.

I posted an earlier version of this. I've added more and made a lot of improvements.
I just wanted some feedback. Thanks!

LOGLINE: A young man defends his Grandfather from his deranged brother who has been blinded by his faith.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KNXMZCnOs-hjO3IFAWIFpugIrjRNNHmWLLfBj3aOTsQ/edit
Click to expand...

Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know that I have made a lot of changes to my previous screenplay. I did not want to make another thread so hopefully I can continue to get more feedback here. You can find the changes through the same link.

Thanks guys.
 
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