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Plz Help me Bring 20min Script to 5min

A

anim8er92

Hey greetings and respect fellow filmakers..

This is anim8er92 and i am willing to make a short animation for my thesis project

I REALLY REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO HELP me bring my 20min script to 5minutes and its so dog gone hard and seemingly impossible for me i already spent months on it but couldnt accomplish anything :(

i need ideas from you guys...

I am uploading the Plot of the story please have a look and give me ideas...


Logline:

Story of a poor village girl being forced into a wedding with the King and her persistent struggle against the King’s Oppression

SYNOPSIS:

Story of a young Thari maiden who is abducted by the King for forceful wedding however she abstains herself and rejects all the Royal Riches and offers of the King and remains loyal to her village folk and homeland (Malir) and remains consistent on her decision in spite of severe oppression from the King

PLOT


The film starts with a Lapse of 1 Year after Marui has been captured by the king. The first scene shows Marui being brought in front of the king and as usual the king presses on her to marry him to which she bitterly rejects.

Next she is taken to the Royal Bath where she is ordered to take a bath by the king which she gently refuses claiming that it would be immoral to take cold baths in the palace while her family was out there burning in the desert.

Later a friend of Marui who is the King’s maiden comes to Marui to inform her that her family is dying back there in her village and that there isn’t much hope for them for it has been a drought for almost over two years.
Marui is jolted at that news of her family dying and sobs silently sitting in her dungeon.

Next scene reveals that it was the kings conspiracy to break Marui’s spirit by forcing one of the person Marui trusts into betraying her and telling Marui the false news of her family dying. Later the king enters her dungeons and offers Marui to marry her if she wants her people to come within the confines and comforts of Umerkot city so their misery is spared from the drought. Marui is silent and next scene reveals her in a brides dress with jewelry all over her.

The next scene reveals a ceremonial scene in which Marui is brought and made to sit with Umar. The Priest asks Marui about her consent. Marui is about to say the word yes when the king is awaken by a sudden thunder like sound. This reveals that the ceremony scene was his hallucination and kind of a dream.
Soon we see Marui Entering the king’s hall and she comes and stands right in front of King Umer and there is dead silence.

There Marui gives a little lecture to Umer and tells her that in no way does the universe holds the power in persuading me to marry you. And about my dying people? She explains that she has complete faith in the creator and the almighty that he would look out for them for verily he is the King of the kings.

Soon there is a loud clang of thunder and its starts raining heavily. Soon Marui excitedly runs out of the kings courtroom and through the corridors and up to the ceiling while taking off her bridal dress and jewelry and runs up to the tower where she rains and happily dances. And she finally raises her hand in form of dua and thanks the Almighty for HIS innumerous blessings........

I need your thoughts on the story also please help me brng it to as short as 5minutes or even change the story thanks so much...
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It's a pretty good story that you have. A shame you can't use the whole thing. The rules of the world in which your story takes place changes at the end. I am pretty convinced that you'll solve your problem as soon as you fix that.
 
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So she is told her family is dying of drought, but they aren't and still the apotheose is the rain?

What is the purpose of your story?
The plot reminds me a bit of the stories from The Decameron, which are more or less moral religious stories to teach the reader a lesson.

The story is too long for 5 minutes.

This is just an idea:
you need cut a lot from the beginning and cut the lying maid.

This way you can start with the girl in the dungeon.
The priest tells her that she is in there for over a year now and shouldn't be so stubborn.
And that her family suffers of drought. But if she would marry the king...

The next scene reveals a ceremonial scene in which Marui is brought and made to sit with Umar. The Priest asks Marui about her consent. Marui is about to say the word yes when the king is awaken by a sudden thunder like sound. This reveals that the ceremony scene was his hallucination and kind of a dream.
Soon we see Marui Entering the king’s hall and she comes and stands right in front of King Umer and there is dead silence.

There Marui gives a little lecture to Umer and tells her that in no way does the universe holds the power in persuading me to marry you. And about my dying people? She explains that she has complete faith in the creator and the almighty that he would look out for them for verily he is the King of the kings.

Soon there is a loud clang of thunder and its starts raining heavily. Soon Marui excitedly runs out of the kings courtroom and through the corridors and up to the ceiling while taking off her bridal dress and jewelry and runs up to the tower where she rains and happily dances. And she finally raises her hand in form of dua and thanks the Almighty for HIS innumerous blessings........


END
 
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Could be cool to open with a creepy groom waiting by the altar. The bride arrives. She's a miserable bride approaching the creep and they're getting married.

On the way towards him she sees other creepy faces in the audience. FLASHBACK to how they captured her. Someone else promises her this and that if she marries etc. By the time she arrives next to the creepy king we know all the details and that only rain can save her.
 
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PROGRESSS

Well guys i have been discussing it with a friend and this is what we have decided.

The film starts with the Kings Maiden, Zareen, bringing a tray of food and is shown going through several hallways of the castle/fort.

After 2 to 3 shots she enters the dungeons where MArui is standing by the crack in the wall allowing some sunlight. As soon as Zareen enters, Marui while looking outside through the crack speaks to zareen and says. Tell King Umer that i am ready for the marriage.

Zareen is astonished and then shown getting confused then quickly running to the kings Hall breaks the news to the king who announces a grand celebration and orders for preparation of the marriage.

In the next scene the King visits Marui in her dungeons and apologizes for having kept her in the dungeons for four seasons (thats almost one year) and says that she made the right descsion as the drought in the desert had nearly killed her family and if any more delay would have ensued they would have died for sure. He claims to bring them to the confines of his city where they will be happy and fed for generations, i.e. only once when marui is her queen

The king then orders zareen to take MArui and get her dressed for the marriage ceremony.

Soon we see that night has crawled in. Marui is stiitng in her room all dressed and adorned like dis

indian_bridal_dress2.png


She take out a little doll she made of her mother while her imprisonment. Something like this

puppets-from-India-6.jpg


She takes the doll and weeps silently. We then see a flashback of Marui when she is 6years old. she is lying in her mothers lap and crying.

Her mother asks the reason for her tears to which MArui replies. Mother why isnt it raining already? its been 5 days and i am real thirsty.

Her mother tries to calm her by telling her that this is her test and she should try and bear what comes her way and trust Almighty who is actually KING of the kings.

Soon we see marui bck in her bedroom all adorned and ready for marriage she approaches a mirror and her hears her mothers words. This is a test Marui.

Soon we see Marui Entering the king’s hall and she comes and stands right in front of King Umer and there is dead silence.

There Marui gives a little lecture to Umer and tells her that in no way does the universe holds the power in persuading me to marry you. And about my dying people? She explains that she has complete faith in the creator and the almighty that he would look out for them for verily he is the King of the kings.

Soon there is a loud clang of thunder and its starts raining heavily. Soon Marui excitedly runs out of the kings courtroom and through the corridors and up to the ceiling while taking off her bridal dress and jewelry and runs up to the tower where she rains and happily dances.

And she finally raises her hand in form of prayer and thanks the Almighty for HIS innumerous blessings........
 
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also one more thing

this story take place in Thar Desert India in 1200AD ( this is the time ERA and location of this place)

PLEASE guys i still need suggestions i feel like there is something missing heree.... do u think this film can come in 5-6 minutes please lemme know your thoughts and suggestions
 
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Zareen begs Marui to go through with marriage for her and her people's sake. And this time Marui is so burdened by being held a prisoner that she doesn't answer with a clear no (as always before). Zareen therefore runs to the king with the good news that Marui's will power is coming to an end. The bishop happens to be in the room and he has promised to the king that his prayers will be heard by god. Now the king visits Marui, saying that their wedding ceremony will be tomorrow. Marui promises him that she will never marry him and that the true king will save her people. The king says that the wedding will be tomorrow, because Marui will not dare to say no to him in front of hundreds of guests.
 
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hey i didnt quite understood what you meant by

The bishop happens to be in the room and he has promised to the king that his prayers will be heard by god.

can you please elaborate?

by the way i like the whole idea of putting Marui in pressure for the final wedding. and against all odds she ends up rejecting him publicly.
 
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Yes, I didn't even write what I thought, because I didn't come up with the right word and ended up writing Bishop. To clarify: the king would have a powerful Witch Craft Doctor on his side. All to build up that there are spiritual powers in play and that the king is using his wealth to play dirty also on the spiritual level. He practically has bought Marui's soul from this doctor. The witch doctor could also be conducting the marriage ceremony and be a first row witness when his and the king's evil plot falls apart.
 
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LOL from bishop to witch craft doctor.

anim8er92, we now know the location and era, but what is the cultural/religious background?
Hindu?
 
Last edited:
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mate i like the idea but lets not get too much spiritual... the idea of my story is not about religion and God i m trying to divert it to something more like ones connection to their soil kind of thingy... sth like patriotism... i hope u get the idea... i gues there is no need for bishop or with doctors... i beleive we can tell a better story without having these additions...

also please note that it should come to 5minutes :)
 
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anim8er92 said:
PLEASE guys i still need suggestions i feel like there is something missing heree.... do u think this film can come in 5-6 minutes please lemme know your thoughts and suggestions
Click to expand...
You have an epic story there so no, I do not think this story can be
done in 5/6 minutes. I suggest you pick one, important, aspect of
your story and tell that in 5 minutes.

Walter gave you a terrific idea. My suggestion is to start you 5 minute movie
with Marui entering the king’s hall and she comes and stands right in front of
King Umer and there is dead silence. Then she gives a little lecture to Umer
and tells her that in no way does the universe holds the power in persuading
me to marry you. And about my dying people? She explains that she has
complete faith in the creator and the almighty that he would look out for them
for verily he is the King of the kings. Then there is a loud clang of thunder and
its starts raining heavily. Marui excitedly runs out of the kings courtroom and
through the corridors and up to the ceiling while taking off her bridal dress and
jewelry and runs up to the tower where she rains and happily dances. And she
finally raises her hand in form of dua and thanks the Almighty for HIS numerous
blessings.

THAT is your 5 minute film.
 
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hey guys i have finalised the story and brough it in 5minutes.....

i will share the script shortly... just working on dialogues a bit...

thanks so much y'all you guys are the best...
 
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