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Old 08-16-2018, 02:02 PM   #1
Infinite
 
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Just "finished" my first feature-length screenplay

Hard to tell when you're really finished, I guess, but I'm not really sure how to improve it at this point. so I'm just gonna post it around now and see what people think.

but yeah, anyway, I'm 19 and this is my first feature-length script at 93 pages (cut down from around 150). The concepts that went into this project have been percolating in my mind since 2011 so it's been a great feeling to finally get it out of my system.

I posted a few pages of this script earlier this year (on another account which I can't remember the username of), so some of you might recognize a couple scenes.

feel free to just read the first few pages or skip around if you'd like: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BPv...ew?usp=sharing

To be honest, the script is so aggressively esoteric and nontraditional that it might be complete drivel. I really can't tell at this point, so any feedback would be much appreciated.

Last edited by Infinite; 08-17-2018 at 09:00 AM.
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Old Today   #1A
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Old 08-16-2018, 05:21 PM   #2
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Old 08-16-2018, 05:24 PM   #3
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What's your logline?
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Old 08-16-2018, 06:18 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by El Director View Post
What's your logline?
I still haven't figured out a way to condense the script into a 1 or 2 sentence pitch.

A deformed creature with a ceiling fan attached to his torso hovers around Florida, meets Mickey and Minnie Mouse, and receives life advice from a princess made of stars and a mermaid. A man named Steve attempts to teleport to an ocean made of grey goo. An English man named Brian is going through relationship troubles, and tries to solve his problems by traveling to a black void populated with vegetarian roller-bladers.

Needs work tbh...

Last edited by Infinite; 08-17-2018 at 05:59 AM.
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Old 08-17-2018, 08:10 AM   #5
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Without reading it yet, I'll simply caution that Mickie and Minnie Mouse are copyrighted Disney characters.
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Old 08-17-2018, 08:55 AM   #6
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Without reading it yet, I'll simply caution that Mickie and Minnie Mouse are copyrighted Disney characters.
Right, but there's transformative fair use. The incarnations of Mickey and Minnie in the film are physically disfigured, and (as far as I can tell) unique enough to be distinguished from the original characters. Escape From Tomorrow got away with it, right?

That being said, I don't expect this film to be made so it's a nonissue right now.
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Old 08-17-2018, 09:59 AM   #7
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Is this an anthology film?
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Old 08-17-2018, 10:18 AM   #8
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I think I read a short intro to this a few months ago? (maybe longer?)

Is that correct?

It's very "surreal". You posting "Escape from Tomorrow" above gives me a little bit of an understanding of the mindset of the type of narrative/film you are aiming for.

What kind of feedback are you looking for? What is the aim of the script and your intent with it?
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Old 08-17-2018, 10:51 AM   #9
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Is this an anthology film?
Not by design, although it does contain multiple short stories which don't necessarily connect with the overarching narrative. But there's definitely a singular protagonist with a story that unfolds over the course of the film.

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Originally Posted by UneducatedFan View Post
I think I read a short intro to this a few months ago? (maybe longer?)

Is that correct?

It's very "surreal". You posting "Escape from Tomorrow" above gives me a little bit of an understanding of the mindset of the type of narrative/film you are aiming for.

What kind of feedback are you looking for? What is the aim of the script and your intent with it?
Yeah, I posted the first few pages here 6 months ago on a different account.

My original aim (or delusion) with the script was to make use of some family industry connections and try to get it financed somehow, but I quickly realized that there's pretty much a 0% chance of that working out. I'd rather not use those connections till I've built an actual body of work as a filmmaker.

So for the most part, the goal was just to write a good script, that stands on its own as a piece of writing.

As far as my intent with the story itself, it's hard for me to really put into words. I guess I just wanted to take multiple snapshots of my subconscious over the last 7 years and put them together to form a highlight reel of sorts. Just a raw form of expression without too much polishing or editing.

The type of feedback I'd like is overall impressions/opinions, nothing specific. Like I said in the OP, I can't tell at this point if what I've written is complete garbage or even fairly decent. I spend a lot of time reading amateur screenplays and most of them are terrible, I just worry that my script is no different from the pack lol
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