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Courier - Need feedback on short film script

Need feedback on short film script

Need feedback on the short film script I plan to shoot this summer.

Logline:
A soldier who needs to deliver a coffin with a fallen army officer to his family, finds out that instead of a dead body, the coffin contains a suitcase full of Heroin, a loaded gun, and a note which says "Get rid of the Courier".

Courier
 
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Also advises regarding the production itself are welcomed. And I still can't decide what is better, "Courier" or "Get rid of the Courier" as the title
 
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YOUR REVIEW!!!

ILLEGIBLE FORMAT - Not everyone can read this format. Not every format is illegible to everyone. This docbot thing seems to work, but Google? No hope Charlie. Send this to some other poor production company and it will simply get binned like this.

In 2008, I was writing for a production company in Spain. They were regularly so bankrupt, their CEO would sometime arrange luncheon appointments with agents simply because he couldn't afford the cost of his own lunch!

Assuming film production companies have top technologies is really, really arrogant and foolish.
 
@Editor:

you can go around the whole forum bashing others because your system is too outdated, but the bottleneck is at your end of the line.
It's like complaining you can't watch youtube on your VHS VCR...

You don't need to have new stuff every year, but being 10 years behind is almost an eternity on internet. Your website is still hosted on geocities? :P

BTW,
is it a bad thing when a more or less bankrupt production company can't read your script?
It could be a bad sign that they are 10 years behind with software... as in: unsuccessfull... may sound harsh, but maybe that is the real problem then...

@Inarius:
haven't read the script, but logline sounds interesting.
AND: the link WORKS
 
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Editor, I'm not sure what you mean by ILLEGIBLE FORMAT.

If you mean that there is no title page, and the scene headlines are in Bold font, then this is the script I write for myself, to film. I do NOT intend to send it to producers or anywhere else, besides the people I pick up for the casting crew. That's why I allowed myself to drop the spec script formalities, and just leave the body of the script, which DOES suit the format.

Or do you mean the document itself? Well, it's Word format. I uploaded it to Google, which opens it in Google Docs. Oh, and speaking of technologies, Google Docs is now the most common tool for companies around the world. And if you can't open the link BECAUSE it's in Google... well, there is nothing I can do for you, honestly.
 
Editor, I'm not sure what you mean by ILLEGIBLE FORMAT.

If you mean that there is no title page, and the scene headlines are in Bold font,
No, I don't

Or do you mean the document itself? Well, it's Word format. I uploaded it to Google, which opens it in Google Docs. Oh, and speaking of technologies, Google Docs is now the most common tool for companies around the world. And if you can't open the link BECAUSE it's in Google... well, there is nothing I can do for you, honestly.

Curious, others can, but you seem unable to. If you can't cut it then maybe you should consider trying something else in the fast food delivery or street sweeping industries.
 
Curious, others can, but you seem unable to. If you can't cut it then maybe you should consider trying something else in the fast food delivery or street sweeping industries.

Cut what?
Maybe you should consider advancing in technology?
The link works, as said above. Not only for him, and not only this link. I work in an office. I send reports in Google Docs, almost on daily basis, and no one ever complains that they can't see what I send. Moreover, I haven't heard any negative comments about the usability of Google Docs. Maybe you should try using it too, instead of bashing everyone when they do?
 
What ask for reviews if you can't handle the criticism?
I'm sorry, but complaining that YOU can't open a link is not a criticism.

maybe you should consider trying something else in the fast food delivery or street sweeping industries.
And this is not criticism either

I uploaded it here, in CODE.

Code:
COURIER

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

SHAHAR, a soldier in his 20’s, in an army suit, sits in front of ILANA, a pretty 
woman of nearly 35 with a furious glance, detective of the anti-drug department. 

She lights a cigarette. Shahar slightly gets up to take one as well.

					SHAHAR
			May I?

					ILANA
			No.

Shahar sits back on his chair.

					ILANA
			You know you’re seriously fucked 
			up, don’t you?

					SHAHAR (mockingly)
			Why is that?

					ILANA
			Drug smuggling. You know what it
			means? 8 years in jail!

					SHAHAR
			That’s all?

Ilana leans closer to Shahar.

					ILANA
			I wanna hear your story, and you 
			better make in convincing! Copy 
			that?!

Shahar swallows and nods in agreement.

					SHAHAR
			D’you know what’s the most shitty
			job in the army?

												FADE IN:

INT. SHAHAR’S VAN – DAY (FLASHBACK)

Shahar drives his van and listens to Eastern music. 

His PHONE RINGS. He answers and puts it on speaker.

					SHAHAR
			Hey Mom!

					YAEL (Shahar’s Mom)
			Why weren’t you answering before?
			You know how much I’m worried?

					SHAHAR
			I told you yesterday, I’m coming
			home! No need to call me nine times
			every hour since the morning!

					YAEL (from phone)
			You’ve been in Gaza for 35 days!
				(silence)
			How are you?

					SHAHAR
			For the 17th time… I’m fine! You?

					YAEL (from phone)
			Work all day, barely pay the rent… 
			Oh… I’ve made stuffed chicken, 
			just as you love!

					SHAHAR
			Thanks, Mom! I’ll be in 20 minutes.

He stops the van at the checkpoint. A cop approaches him.

					SHAHAR
			I’ll call you back. Bye!

Alon, a cop of 40 years old in a police suit, knocks at the window. Shahar shows 
him his soldier’s ID card.

					ALON
			Get out.

					SHAHAR
			I’m a soldier!

					ALON
			Get out of the van!

Shahar exits the van, irritated. 

EXT. SHAHAR’S VAN – DAY (FLASHBACK)

The cop searches him, looks inside the van and goes to the trunk. Opens it and 
sees a coffin. Alon looks at Shahar, confused. Shahars rolls his eyes.

					SHAHAR
			It’s my brigade commander. 

Alon looks terrified.

					SHAHAR
			I mean… that’s my job in the army. 
			I deliver fallen soldiers to their families, so 
			that they get buried.

					ALON
			Open it.

Shahar smiles, as if it was a joke. Alon stares at him.

					SHAHAR
			Are you fucking kidding me?

Alon’s face doesn’t change.

					SHAHAR
			What about some respect?!

					ALON
			Open… the coffin!

Shahar breathes madly. Alon points on the coffin again. Shahar obeys and 
slowly opens the coffin.

					SHAHAR
			People die out there… for you, 
			armed clowns in suits…

When Shahars opens the coffin, they find no dead body. There is a suitcase with 
Heroin, a loaded gun, and a NOTE, which says “Get rid of the courier”.

					SHAHAR
			What the…

Shahars and Alon stare at it in aghast. 

Alon takes out his gun, points at Shahar and handcuffs him. Shahar stares at the 
coffin, confused.

					SHAHAR
			I didn’t…

					ALON
			Shut the fuck up!

Alon puts him into the police car and calls for backup.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Ilana laughs.

					ILANA
			So you think I’m gonna believe
			that you had no idea what was
			in the coffin?

					SHAHAR (sarcasm)
			No, of course not! I always open
			coffins to see what’s in there!

					ILANA
			I’m not buying this.

					SHAHAR
			And what about the note?! “Get
			rid of the courier”! If “courier”
			is me, why would I go on with my
			mission, knowing I’m gonna be shot
			when I reach the client?!

					ILANA
			You did not. You ran away.
			And since you got nothing to lose,
			you gonna give me the names!

Shahar raises an eyebrow.

					ILANA
			Who sent you? Who gets the dope?

Shahar sighs in disdain.

					ILANA
			You don’t wanna screw your chance
			to reduce your sentence by half,
			do you?

					SHAHAR
			Are you fucking idiot?! I was told
			to get this coffin to the colonel’s
			family! So that note was addressed 
			to him, right?! So we know who’s
			the client! You get it? Need to
			explain slower?!

					ILANA
			D’you know who’re you talking to?!
			I work in this department for the
			last ten years! Trust me, I’ve 
			heard much more creative stories!

Shahar gets up, furious, throws the chair aside.

					SHAHAR
			I had no fucking idea what was in
			the coffin!!! I didn’t know!!!

Ilana gets up as well and pulls out her gun.

					ILANA
			Sit… down!

					SHAHAR
			What you gonna do?! Shoot me?!
			C’mon!!! Shoot!!!

The door opens. Alon enters. 

					ALON
			Wow! Calm down!

					SHAHAR
			I had no idea what’s in there…

					ALON
			I know… I know…

Both Shahar and Ilana watch him in surprise.

					ALON
			We’ve investigated this case. We 
			got a witness in the military base 
			who saw someone switching the dead 
			body with the drugs. They needed a 
			courier who won’t get nervous at 
			the checkpoint. Best liar is one
			who believes in what he says.

					ILANA
			Can the witness identify the dealer?

					ALON
			I’m afraid, he can’t.

					ILANA
			What about the client?

 					ALON
			They think Shahar is on his way.

					ILANA
			Go there on the van! They must not
			suspect anything. I’ll set off to 
			that military base, before…

Shahar clears his throat. Alon and Ilana turn at him.

					SHAHAR
			So… I’m good, right? Can I go home?

Alon and Ilana glance at each other.

					ALON
			They can turn on him, so…

Ilana looks at Alon and nods.

INT. SHAHAR’S VAN - DAY

Alon and Shahar enter the van.

					SHAHAR
			Wow, man! She’s a nutcase! How
			the hell you work with her?…

Alon starts the van, without saying a word.

					ALON
			Ten years talking to no one but
			criminals. Ten years, and not a 
			single successful case. Ten years,
			and no promotions. Still getting
			paid like shit…

Shahar sighs. They leave the police department.

INT. SHAHAR’S VAN – DAY (LATER)

Shahar looks at the PHONE. 13 missed calls from “Mom”. He dials his Mom 
Yael. She answers. 

					YAEL (from phone)
			Shahar! What’s wrong?! You said
			20 minutes! It’s been 4 hours!

					SHAHAR
			I’ll explain later, ok? 

					YAEL (from phone)
			Do you realize what I’m going…

Her voice suddenly distorts. The call ends. Shahar looks out of the window 
and sees the van entering an underground parking station. He glances at Alon.

					SHAHAR
			Damn! No line here… 

He looks around, confused.

				        SHAHAR
			Are you lost?

					ALON
			Get out.

					SHAHAR
			What?!

					ALON
			Get out of the van.

Shahar becomes confused. Alons pulls out a gun points at him. Shahar swallows 
and looks outside. A bodyguard with a gun waits outside of the van.

					SHAHAR
			You… Why?

					ALON
			Why? My salary isn’t enough to 
			feed three kids!

Alons grabs Shahar’s phone. Shahar exits the van.



INT. UNDERGROUND PARKING OF THE DRUG MAFIA BUILDING - DAY

The bodyguard and Alon point their guns on Shahar. They take him away.

INT. DRUG MAFIA H.Q. - DAY

They take him to a large room with a laptop on a table. Looking aside, Shahar 
sees the COFFIN with the Heroin suitcase and the note, but without the gun.

					SHAHAR
			Why didn't you kill me then?

					BARUKH (O.S.)
			Plans have changed, Shahar!

BARUKH, man of 50 dressed in a tuxedo, enters the room and approaches the 
laptop.

					SHAHAR
			Colonel! I thought you were dead!

					BARUKH
			You were supposed to be shot, but
			thanks to Alon you didn't reach my
			son. Fortunately, even dedicated
			cops like Alon have their price.

Alon and Shahar exchange glances.

					ALON
			I did my part of the deal. Now you
			do yours! 

Barukh gives a sign to the bodyguard. Alon is confused. The man shoots Alon to 
death. Shahar is terrified.

					BARUKH
			I couldn’t let him live. He knew 
			about this place. I can’t trust 
			someone who trades his loyalty.

Shahar stares at Alon's dead body, shocked.

					BARUKH
			I wrote that note, but following 
			the last events, I've realized you 
			could be more useful alive…


					SHAHAR
			You offer me a job? After this

He points at Alon's corpse. 

Barukh turns the laptop to Shahar. Shahar sees his Mom, Yael, held as a 
hostage by a man with a gun at her house.

					SHAHAR
			No!!! You fucking…

He lunges towards Barukh, but the bodyguard holds him.

					BARUKH
			I’m afraid you have no choice.

					SHAHAR
			Please, don’t!!! 

					BARUKH
			I’ve got one simple task for you.
			Do it, and my son won’t kill her.

					SHAHAR
			The police already investigates 
			it! They gonna find you!

Barukh laughs.

					BARUKH
			If you thought about going to
			police, quit the idea. Half of the
			police in this country works for 
			me, and the other half – for the
			opponent dealer.

Shahar calms down, breathes deeply.

					SHAHAR
			What do you want?!

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY

Ilana dials Alon, but no answer. She tries a few times, but nothing. She 
dials Shahar’s house and no answer again. Her face expression changes to 
worry. She grabs her car keys and leaves the room.

INT. DRUG MAFIA H.Q. - DAY

Shahar stands near the coffin and listens to Barukh. The bodyguard stands 
behind him.

					BARUKH
			As you can see, the suitcase
			with the dope was meant to be
			delivered to my son. There was 
			no drug deal. Not yet.

He shows a picture of a building on his laptop.

					BARUKH
			That’s my opponent’s place. He has
			been a pain in the ass for a very 
long time. Luckily, I have a plan!

The armed man brings another suitcase, which looks the same as the one 
with the Heroin and puts it next to it.

					SHAHAR
			Something tells me that’s not dope.

					BARUKH
			Smart boy! It’s a bomb. You take it
			there, they get you in. There is a
			phone in there. When I see through
			the camera I attach under your hat,
			that the suitcase is inside, I make
			a phone call. It activates the bomb

The bodyguard puts a camera into Shahar’s hair, and put a hat on it.

					BARUKH
			Just to make it clear - don’t be a
			hero. I see whatcha doing through
			my laptop. And if, for some reason,
			the camera shuts down, your Mom
			gets shot. Any more questions?!

Shahar stands still looking at the suitcase with the bomb

					SHAHAR
			Just one. How much time do I get to
			get out of there?

Barukh sighs and turns around.

					SHAHAR
			If I’m not getting alive from this,
			promise me that my family lives!

Barukh approaches Shahar.

					BARUKH
			You might think I’m a criminal, a
			bastard who kills people and makes
			money, but I also have a family.

Shahar sees Barukh’s son on the screen, pointing a gun at Shahar’s Mom, Yael.

					BARUKH
			Every God damn day, when I wake
			up, the first thing I do is seeing
			they are alive. This business is 
			full of people like me, like you…
			We do it, because our government
			doesn’t give a fuck for it’s 
			citizens’ safety and living. So we 
			build our own empires, to ensure 
			our children will live and prosper.

Barukh puts his hand on Shahar’s shoulder.

					BARUKH
			I’ll do my best to make sure your
			family live good lives, including
			your problems with the rent. You
			have my word! 

Shahar nods in understanding and takes the suitcase.

EXT. ENTRANCE TO OPPONENT DRUG MAFIA BUILDING - DAY

Shahar exits the car, wearing a hat above the camera hidden in his hair. 
Two men with guns approach him. He tries to be calm, holding the suitcase.

INT. DRUG MAFIA H.Q. - DAY

Barukh watches on his laptop what the camera displays.

EXT. ENTRANCE TO OPPONENT DRUG MAFIA BUILDING - DAY

The men with guns escort Shahar inside the building.

INT. OPPONENT DRUG MAFIA BUILDING - DAY

Shahar, followed by the men, approaches a table in the lobby. He puts the 
suitcase on it. The two men stand behind him, and point him to open the 
suitcase.

INT. ILANA’S POLICE CAR – DAY

Ilana drives. She tries to call Alon and Shahar, but no answer. She speeds up.

INT. DRUG MAFIA H.Q. - DAY

Barukh watches Shahar hands, as he slowly opens the suitcase. Shahar’s hands 
shake. Barukh makes a phone call.

INT. OPPONENT MAFIA BUILDING - DAY

Shahar slowly and carefully opens the suitcase. The men stand behind him, 
ready to pull out their guns. Shahar stops opening it and looks behind. One of 
them points him to go on. Shahar opens it completely.

INT. DRUG MAFIA H.Q. - DAY

Barukh sees that the suitcase if full of Heroin.

					BARUKH
			What the…

He looks back at the suitcase in the coffin.

INT. OPPONENT MAFIA BUILDING - DAY

The men behind Shahar calm down. 

					ONE OF THE MEN
			Wait here.

Shahar smiles. One of the men goes away.

INT. DRUG MAFIA H.Q. – DAY (FLASHBACK)

					BARUKH
			…You have my word! 

Shahar pulls his hand to take one of the suitcases, but stops at the last 
moment, and takes the other one.

INT. DRUG MAFIA H.Q. – DAY

Barukh’s looks at the suitcase in the coffin, terrified. He exchanges glances 
with the bodyguard.

					BARUKH
			Fuck!

The building explodes.

INT. OPPONENT MAFIA BUILDING - DAY

The man returns with a suitcase and opens it in front of Shahar. It is full with 
money. Shahar shakes the hands to both of them and leaves.

EXT. ENTRANCE TO OPPONENT MAFIA BUILDING - DAY

Shahar enters his van and throws away the camera and the hat. He starts the 
van and speeds up.

INT. SHAHAR’S HOUSE - DAY

Avi, Barukh’s son of 30, sits in front of Yael, Shahar’s Mom, ready to pull out his 
gun. He wears an earphone, and suddenly hears a NOISE OF EXPLOSION. 

					AVI
			Dad? 

No response.

					AVI
			Dad!? Can you hear me?!

He hears a stronger sound of explosion.

					AVI
			Dad!!!

Yael watches him, scared and confusing. He pulls out his gun and points at her 
face. Yael paralyzes in fear.

Avi’s finger nearly presses the trigger.

A SHOT is heard. Both Avi and Yael stand still. Avi’s gun is still aimed at Yael’s face. 

After a few seconds, Avi collapses on the floor. 

Yael’s P.O.V. of Ilana behind him, pointing a gun at Avi.

A DOOR SLAMS. 

Shahar runs into the apartment and sees both of them. He runs to Yael and hugs 
her. Ilana takes off her gun.

					SHAHAR
			How did you…

					ILANA
			Just doing my job.

					SHAHAR
			Well, congratulations! Your first
			successful case!

					ILANA
			Yeah… after 10 years!
				(stunned)
			Wait… How do you know about that?

She watches as Shahar puts the suitcase on the table.

					ILANA
			What’s that?

Shahar looks at Yael, his Mom.

					SHAHAR
			Our solution to the rent problem.

He opens the case, loaded with money.

					ILANA
			I don’t think so!

Shahar gives her a stock of bucks.

					ILANA
			Did you just…

He gives her another stock.

					ILANA
			Who the fuck you think I am?!

He gives her 3 more stocks. Ilana makes a step closer.

					ILANA
			Next time, you better check what’s
			in the coffin.

They shake hands. 

												FADE OUT:
 
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So, you dont think being told you've used a restrictive format is criticism but praise? Weird.
Look, my time is valuable, I have a newspaper group to run, so if I spend my time sitting at home trying to review your damn script, I don't expect to have hasslebecuase I've told you where you're going wrong. You don't like criticism, do something else.

HEre is your damn review...

- Get used outside of dialogue - very poor diction.

- A few hours earlier is NOT a time of day. Time of day is important for lighting engineers. Furthermore, how will audience know it is a few hours earlier? This badly needs a Supe and a FLASHBACK declaration on the slugoine.

- Telephone ringing should be in capitals AND be a action paragraph in its own right.

- 9 times should be nine times. Only consider using digits for large or complex numbers or those in an INSERT.

- A cop of 40 - is that 40 years old or 40 years of experience?

- Gets out - Another use of GET - this is like nails drawn down a blackboard.

- I mean.. paragraph is incorrectly paragraphed.

- You said armed clown in a suit, but he is a Police Officer - is this man in a suit.? Please give better description of the cop.

- my police salary should start with a capital and what is the point of the word police in this phrase? Sounds unnatural.

- Why They hear the sound o a SLAMMING DOOR instead of just

A DOOR SLAMS

... as a paragraph on its own. More powerful, keeps up the tension and is correct technically.

- THE END should be FADE OUT

The general lack of description in terms of character makes all the characters seem bland and you sort of lose track of who is who.

The subject matter is tediously overused in the film world - People tire of this sort of thing and want something more cheerful in their time of stress etc of something smarter. This IS SMARTER, but feels more like an outline. With correct development, it IS possible to imagine this as a feature, but as it stands, it seems like just another drug story on the outside.

The dialogue is very realistic (aprt from over use of get), however, there is a big weakness in it. In real life, people do not wait for the other one to finish - indeed, in this situation, this would be even more likely for them to interrupt. Using this, it would seem more realistic and speed it up.




-
 
So, you dont think being told you've used a restrictive format is criticism but praise? Weird.
Look, my time is valuable, I have a newspaper group to run, so if I spend my time sitting at home trying to review your damn script, I don't expect to have hasslebecuase I've told you where you're going wrong. You don't like criticism, do something else.

HEre is your damn review...

- Get used outside of dialogue - very poor diction.

- A few hours earlier is NOT a time of day. Time of day is important for lighting engineers. Furthermore, how will audience know it is a few hours earlier? This badly needs a Supe and a FLASHBACK declaration on the slugoine.

- Telephone ringing should be in capitals AND be a action paragraph in its own right.

- 9 times should be nine times. Only consider using digits for large or complex numbers or those in an INSERT.

- A cop of 40 - is that 40 years old or 40 years of experience?

- Gets out - Another use of GET - this is like nails drawn down a blackboard.

- I mean.. paragraph is incorrectly paragraphed.

- You said armed clown in a suit, but he is a Police Officer - is this man in a suit.? Please give better description of the cop.

- my police salary should start with a capital and what is the point of the word police in this phrase? Sounds unnatural.

- Why They hear the sound o a SLAMMING DOOR instead of just

A DOOR SLAMS

... as a paragraph on its own. More powerful, keeps up the tension and is correct technically.

- THE END should be FADE OUT

The general lack of description in terms of character makes all the characters seem bland and you sort of lose track of who is who.

The subject matter is tediously overused in the film world - People tire of this sort of thing and want something more cheerful in their time of stress etc of something smarter. This IS SMARTER, but feels more like an outline. With correct development, it IS possible to imagine this as a feature, but as it stands, it seems like just another drug story on the outside.

The dialogue is very realistic (aprt from over use of get), however, there is a big weakness in it. In real life, people do not wait for the other one to finish - indeed, in this situation, this would be even more likely for them to interrupt. Using this, it would seem more realistic and speed it up.




-

This is the part when I should say I'm sorry for wasting your time? :)
Anyway, you gave me a review, and I thank you for that.

My only question is about the characters interrupting each other in dialogue. Why not leaving this matter to the filming itself? If I'm going to direct it, I can inform the actors to interrupt each other in dialogue.

So in return, I really wish you to be a more positive person, and smile sometimes ;) And sign up a damn Google account, because it's not a high-tech quantum technology and many people in the world use it
 
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This is the part when I should say I'm sorry for wasting your time? :)
Anyway, you gave me a review, and I thank you for that.

My only question is about the characters interrupting each other in dialogue. Why not leaving this matter to the filming itself? If I'm going to direct it, I can inform the actors to interrupt each other in dialogue.

So in return, I really wish you to be a more positive person, and smile sometimes ;) And sign up a damn Google account, because it's not a high-tech quantum technology and many people in the world use it

...Because writing in interrupted sentences forces you to produces partial sentences that convey the information swiftly to the audience without sending them to sleep with tedious long-drawn out waffle. Remember, actors are fundamentally lazy... just like the rest of us. If they can get away without the tough uphill struggle of interrupted sentences they will do so.

Actors are not directors so you are at liberty to force the issue and increase the white spece and speed up the film. Furthermore, consider exactly WHY you are writing this. Is this to be your peak of career or a stepping stone? if its just a stepping stone then it is "good for the soul" - it forces you to write well in broken sentences that will convey maximum data without sounding like a telegram yet still speed up the film's dialogue and add to the tension.

Ever seen "One Foot In The Grave"? if you haven't, do so. It is the best possible masterclass on screenwriting in existence. The man who wrote it was a genius. A critical feature of it is the way much of the humour is left to the audience's own mind. For instance, in one episode, a gian, deadly snake escapes from the zoo and ultimately finds it way into the main character's luggage shortly befor ehe sets off to the airport on holiday. But they END the episode there for there is no reason to show what happens at the airport o maybe on the plane as we KNOW what will happen and it is all the more vivid for being in our mind's eye rather than being displayed on the screen. Half sentences can do the same, our minds computer maybe even more shocking things that you write.

Don't write the obvious, allow the audience's mind to do that.

So, does that answer you question of why write in interrupts if you are filming it yourself?

(PS I have a google account, but google pdf won't work on OS X, although docbot does)
 
So, does that answer you question of why write in interrupts if you are filming it yourself?

Not exactly. You advise not to write the obvious, but writing "Interrupts" is actually writing the obvious.
If I write an unfinished sentence in the dialogue line of character A, and then the dialogue line of character B, isn't it obvious that character B has interrupted character A?

Example:

Code:
                            Mr. A
              Boss, I'm late because I had...

                            Mr. B
              I don't need your excuses. You're fired!

Isn't it clear, that Mr. B interrupts Mr. A?
 
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