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Need some advice

Hello all
I am in need of help; i have been writing for a number of years starting as a kid writing short stories but i seem to have not grown much as a writer, my dialogue seems to be a big issue as once i have re-read what I've written it seems very forced and predictable and does not give my characters a lot of depth which stupidly leads me to stop further action on the script. could someone please give me some help to go on to hopefully getting my scripts to a quality to send them out.

thank you all
 
Dear BOTBProductions,

I just wanted to tell you that I liked what I read. I did not find spelling or grammar to be an impediment to my appreciation or comprehension of the story you're trying to tell. In fact I find stories such as these quite interesting and I forgot fairly quickly what everybody else was complaining about.

My advice to you would be to do it as it is most natural to you. If you find that saying the dialog out loud helps you figure out the right words, then I would do that. If you find that having tea without dipping a biscuit in it helps you drive the right type of dialog out of your mind, then that's what I would do. And after you are done, and after you are happy with your finished story, with dialog that sounds authentic to your ear, and to the locale you're trying to portray, then,... only then..., after you are happy with your story to some level of personal satisfaction... only then, give it to a friend who is an English / Grammar / Punctuation major, and all these things everybody is complaining about can be fixed fairly quickly. These problems are no problems at all. These problems can be fixed to most everyday people's satisfaction, on a lazy afternoon when you hit the SpellCheck button or even GrammarCheck button.

But what you want to do is finish your story to your satisfaction. I like the beginning already. I want you to finish this vein, this train of thought that you have started. Worry about spelling mistakes after it's finished. Don't worry your mind about these things at this stage.

Please don't feel like you need to heed my advice. I've never sold a script and I don't know what I'm talking about. But I know that I was able to follow your story. I know that I liked it. So my advice comes to you as a fan.

Keep up the good work. Finish your script. Let that dialog come out of your soul. Feel it. Tell the story you want to tell.

Let Microsoft Word worry about spelling and grammar. You worry about the story and most importantly the dialog.

Cheers,
Aveek
ps. Finish the script. Worry about everything else later.
 
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I just wanted to tell you that I liked what I read. I did not find spelling or grammar to be an impediment to my appreciation or comprehension of the story you're trying to tell. In fact I find stories such as these quite interesting and I forgot fairly quickly what everybody else was complaining about... These problems are no problems at all...

ps. Finish the script. Worry about everything else later.
I will concede there are multiple approaches to screenwriting just like working in the kitchen, clean as you go or clean when you're done.
Personal preference or depends upon the situation.

Largely, this all depends if he's writing to direct and produce himself or if he's even THINKING about writing a spec screenplay.

If the former, you are of course correct: Do whatever you want.
If the latter, then the best service the collective "we" here can do is to guide him along the fundamentals of an already difficult process even when we're doing it right.



And you're definitely right about "Finish the script. Worry about everything else later."

When later arrives you may or may not have something to worry about depending upon how you got there.

Personally, I loathe doing the same job twice. I'd rather do it as right as possible as I'm doing it rather than trying to go back and fix a thousand weenie errors.

However, someone else's work process may be better suited for just that.

Maybe it depends upon your knowledge and faith in your own self.
If you know you're going get something done when you first start it then "clean as you go" would be best.
If you know you're prone to distraction or flame out then "get it done followed by clean up" would be best.
 
Ray,
You're absolutely right. There are multiple ways to work in the kitchen. And I didn't write the above post to keep in the same vein of being the constant contrarian for no good reason who grates on everyone's nerves.

What I saw was Connor trying to tell a story. A story wants to jump out of him. And he is questioning his ability to tell it. He finds his dialog forced. He finds that his characters don't have depth. I think this is just what a writer should feel. I don't know how to dispense advice on this front, but I know that I know my deficiencies every time I read good writing. So I'm assuming Connor wanted advice in that regard too, cause he feels like I feel. And everybody jumped on what the art of Capitalization is. Nobody talked about his dialog. Nobody mentioned whether this Nathan character was interesting or not.

So I just wanted to tell him "yeah, I think Nathan Bull is an interesting character, and I want to know more about him, and this woman's kid." And I wanted to tell him, that I didn't want to discuss punctuation with him.

Connor, one thing I do when it comes to dialog is when I rehearse, and I hear other people say my lines, I decide at that moment whether something sounds believable or not. And if I don't find it believable, I change my lines immediately to something that seems more natural to the person playing the part. Maybe the person doesn't say anything, or maybe she nods, or sips on her coffee or looks into the distance. But rewriting becomes easier when you hear other people act out the lines you write.

It's not the only way. It's just a technique I tend to use. So far I like it. It's fairly easy. There are lots of other techniques by lots of serious writers.

Watch movies by Neil Jordan. People in his movies don't even talk sometimes. They grunt, nod, or look away, and it all seems real.

My point was, work the kitchen as you like, but I want to talk about the dish.

:)

Edit: Beatlesfan did talk about Nathan, so I walk back my critique somewhat :)

Edit2: Also, Connor, I wanted to mention that it's pretty clear Nathan has an issue with the priests. You don't have to divulge the issue at the beginning of the story to give him character. I don't believe that is necessary. Keep the suspense going. Why does he tell off the priest? Why does he warn the mother? These raise enough interest for me to keep going through more to find out. Play with your audience. give them a little. don't give them anything at some points and keep them hanging on for more. Whatever helps you build it up, is just fine I think.
 
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Apart from the numerous formatting/grammatical/punctuation errors (which are, IMO, not necessary to fix in a first draft, but are somewhat discourteous when you're asking other people to read and offer feedback), I felt the setting and story were reasonable and the dialogue was OK too (and clearly recognisable as UK-based). I wouldn't mind reading more, as long as it is at least formatted correctly, but that's what screenwriting software is for :)
 
you guys are fantastic and your feedback is always welcome thank you all for being patient i am going to carry on so you guys can have more to read and im going to try finding a better way to upload this somewhere, i have no idea how to use this google drive so keep your ears open and il let you all know when its ready. thanks again guys it means a lot to me
 
Mad Hatter hit the nail on the head here - I don't think your grammatical errors are intentional localized dialect usages; they're just incorrect grammar and spelling that don't have any implication on the character, only on the readability of the script.

As Hatter hinted at, I think the problem may reside in your grammatical ability, which is similar in your script as in your posts. Thus, I think getting a second party in to tidy up your scripts, someone with a firm grasp of correct grammar, would be very helpful to you.

EDIT: I realize that I've just grammar-nazi'd you further, and I apologize for that - and trueindie is right, the OP wanted to focus the discussion towards the dialogue in the script feeling forced. I think the grammatical issues were just abrupt enough that we did feel the need to mention it, because it is impeding his script. In a way, it takes away from his dialogue, as I mentioned earlier, because some of his dialogue feels forced as a result of the incorrect grammar. "i'll might not be home till later." That sort of thing.
 
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Watch spelling and usage, as well.

"ill not take too much of your time" - I won't take too much of your time. (Unless you actually wanted to say "I'll not take" to make your character seem uneducated, that might have been intentional, I don't know.

Other than the missing apostrophe, there's nothing uneducated about this usage. A little archaic, perhaps, and certainly very regional when used nowadays (it's a common usage around where I'm from), but "I'll (I will) not take too much of your time" is perfectly grammatical and valid even for an educated person.
 
Other than the missing apostrophe, there's nothing uneducated about this usage. A little archaic, perhaps, and certainly very regional when used nowadays (it's a common usage around where I'm from), but "I'll (I will) not take too much of your time" is perfectly grammatical and valid even for an educated person.

You're very right Maz - Thank you for catching that. I suppose what threw me was the use of the contraction in the sentence. "I'll not take" feels a bit more forced to me than saying "I won't" or "I will not."
 
yeah again guys i am sorry about how the script reads to some of you, especially if you are not from the UK i didn't take that into account, where way the dialogue reads is the way it is being said so i will be writing the first draft with correct grammar so that everyone can understand
 
Hi guys

thank you all so much for your help and support for this but sad to say the script did not go in a competition like i had hoped but I have submitted a shorter script which is being judged by the UK Film Festival, i will keep you all updated. your help is still very much appreciated. I will be starting with this from the beginning for my portfolio because i'd hate to throw away a decent idea.

thanks again guys.
 
Standard in script writing!!!????

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

quality of the skits in this show is awful.
whoa are these writers , why are they not taken out ?
well , all class of people exist as viewers for entertainment field.

The viewers to these show might come from those american family like , truck drivers and other euqal class to it.
these class seem to bring good TRP still , that is the main reson such skit still happens.

Once there was class of JACK BENNY .
Then came JOHNNY CARSON.
aFTER HIM IT WAS jim carrey.

JOHNNY CARSON was somehow forced follow the skit style that of jimcarry of SNL as time passed by.
IN real, JOHNNY CARSON was very much influenced by JACK BENNY in his youth days.

JIM CARREY has his own talent and has got it's own class of audience section.

It depeds on class and intrest of audience section , what should be famous and what not !!!!
it is the fucking truth.
get it !!
 
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