Congratulations on the film, I liked it, for the most part. It was executed decently, and the twist at the end was very clever. You definitely used London to your advantage, there are some beautiful urban shots in this.
Some things stand out, in my opinion, that I think could use some improvements.
First, the violence wasn't nearly as convincing as it should have been. I'm not saying I'm the best at these sort of things (if you watch Party Hearty, the punches don't have the impact that one would desire) but I think the editing here just makes it look cheese. The make up was well done, but for a "very high end" production, I would also want to see a little more in terms of gore. Also, nice Resident Evil 4 tribute with the bagged-head chainsaw guy. Especially with the twist, this could be a good anti-violence-in-video-games spot.
But most of my problems lay within the script. Yes, that was a nice twist at the end. But you told the whole story in V.O. which was terrible. He wasn't interesting to listen to and he told the whole story instead of showing. Seeing him tug at his eyes and have the V.O. say "I'm so tired," is not compelling cinema. That is at the level of a freshman in college. Why can films like Sin City get away with it? Because that film had interesting characters, clever, gritty, cool dialogue, and an over the top comic style that completely sold the V.O.
There was no character arch. The most interesting thing in the film was when the woman said, "no, please!" He had a meaningful decision to make. And he made it and nothing changed. I also didn't buy the stakes. I mean, sure, his life is in peril at any time he faces a zombie, but why is he going out and killing zombies in the first place? I feel like there is nothing serious motivating him. What, is he going to go out and kill every zombie in London? Is the city at stake? We only have 12 minutes here, we're not going to witness him kill every zombie in the city one at a time. Of course, you learn what is motivating him (he's insane!) at the very end. A good a-hah moment and might make the rest of the film feel like it was worth it. But the rest of the film should feel worth it, without a clever ending. Sitting through the first ten minutes of the film was not a treat onto its own.
I mean, just take a step back and look at the story structure. He kills a zombie, says he needs to kill more zombies, kills another zombie, kills another zombie that wants to live, wonders why he can't remember anything (OBVIOUS EFFIN FORESHADOWING), kills a really dangerous zombie, then twist. This is not a story, and as a result, the film is more like watching a video game. By the way, nice touch that the zombies are wielding weapons. This is like the Soul Caliber of zombie films.
I also feel like this film could be a lot shorter and be a lot better for it. Especially when he is hunting down the 2nd zombie, I feel like he is walking FOREVER! Every shot should push some sort of conflict or story. Watching people walk, expecting something to happen, is frustrating as hell for the viewer, and not in a good way. There's suspense, then there's "let's get something happening on screen please."
I felt there was a lot to be desired with the elevator sequence. He's waiting FOREVER! in the elevator (again, watching people wait inside an elevator is not fun) and then bagman shows up. They have a stare-off (while the elevator door still isn't shutting, leading me to wonder if the elevator is faulty instead of thinking OH SHIT OH SHIT like I should be. Another reason that you should cut him waiting in the elevator) and then bagman charges. This is a classic horror scene, you got your time limit (the door), scary man rushing, protagonist trapped, pushing buttons frantically. Is he gonna make it? IS HE GONNA-- oh nevermind, he's clearly going to make it. Before he even gets close, the doors close. What a lame pay off. And it's a shame because you had enormous possibilities to go from your classic set up to an exciting sequence. I was so ready for the chainsaw to stop the doors in the nick of time, and force it's way through right to his face. And then he'd have to figure out a way to get the chainsaw out of the elevator without hurting himself. That coulda been amazing, I was totally prepared for it, and was let down.
Ok, so in closing, the point to all this negative rambling is that I think that your film as visually reached a professional level. It looks very much the same as tv shows, even better than some. However, the other aspects I've been mentioning, especially story, need a lot of work. A twist does not constitute for a story, if you ask anyone other than M. Night Shyamalan. And he's making shit as of late. If you start seriously rewriting your scripts, spending more time during the pre-production phase to get the most bang for your action sequence (I'm looking at you elevator scene), you'll start achieving that "very high-end" level you want so bad.
