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Writing a Screenplay - Need Some Feedback

Hello, Everyone,

I'm in the works of developing a new dystopian sci fi screenplay and am about 51 pages through with the story, and I would say in the beginning of my second act. The script is titled Souls of the Lost, and the following is the logline:

The story of three individuals living their lives out in a future Chicago that is plagued with food shortages, civil unrest, and a corrupt government.

I feel the logline may be a little vague in terms of what exactly happens to each of these characters, and I still find it difficult to summarize each of their lives into a one sentence logline, but to elaborate a little more, the three MCs consist of a father and son, who both have trouble relating to one another after the death of the wife/mother, and a police officer who joins the forces to fight guerillas, only to find his superiors may be committing violent offences against innocent civilians.

Google Drive link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9tmVlRjfCgBNUNKemM4ZVVCTEk/view?usp=sharing


Any feedback on story elements, pacing, characters, dialogue, as well as technical aspects like formatting, grammar, sentence structure, length of action, sluglines, etc are appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you all enjoy.
 
I can't read the script for some reason, but I will tell you that you don't have a logline. It's a good setting, but that's all it is. Who are your characters? What situation are they in? What's the conflict to drive them to find something or not find something and what's standing in their way?

It seems like you're trying to go for something similar to crash where you have multiple characters whose lives are intertwined. So since it's a character driven story then you need to include your characters. That said, the best way to approach this, is to think of how you can sum each of them up in three words or less and describe in half a sentence or less how they're related in some way. Like, what's the core lesson or thing you're trying to say in this story? If you can develop a central message then you can develop a stronger logline.

Hope that helps.
 
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