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watch my 1st short film

S

sunchaser

here is my final attempt at fixing the sound, best i can do for now, just dont have the knowledge of sound yet. i put in forest ambience and did what i could with the dialogue (which wasnt much). havent watched it yet cos youtube is being really slow for me just now.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<object width="1280" height="745"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/dXS5gpTJhAM&hl=en_GB&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&hd=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/dXS5gpTJhAM&hl=en_GB&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="1280" height="745"></embed></object>


here is a colour version as a music video, i kinda like this better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/1bzdWafZJWc&hl=en_GB&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&hd=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/1bzdWafZJWc&hl=en_GB&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&hd=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>
 
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Glad you posted it, I was digging the trailer.

I liked it a lot. Cool location, nice cinematography, decent acting.
I really like the shot from across the pond and the one
when the girl’s face is in half sun and half shade.

-Thanks-
 
you have good technique....i like the part where the girl runs up the trail & in front of the camera.....& the across the lake scene,as well.........your short looked crystal clear in quality........when do we get to see part 2?
 
thankyou for the nice words, i know i could have made it better if i had more time to film with the actors. they are both drama students and they did a good job but the long winter and availability meant i had like 2 takes of every scene so i wish i could have went back to make the sound better and fix a few things.
am gonna try do adr to replace the dialogue, i didnt really have a clue about sound and dont have a very good editing program just now.

part 2 was supposed to tell the story of alices love and was based on the ferryman myth and the poem 'la belle dame sans merci', unfortunately my actors are leaving the city after college so it most likely wont be made.
 
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Many strong positives to take from your first short, which is a rarity for most first time film-makers. The dialogue works within the context, it ties in with the score, the wardrobe. The cinematography consists of some nice shots, perhaps the scenes where she was fleeing may have been trimmed, but definitely impressive for a primary outing.

Congrats
 
Good job on this short. I understand you had only so much time to shoot but here are a few things to watch out for in the future.

@ 2:57 -> @3:00 -> @ 3:04, etc. Characters were framed up on the same side of the frame while talking. This was the only time you did this through out the film.

@ 4:00 not too crazy about the set up of that shot. It was so busy on the left side of the frame and the right side was dull. I think if you moved the actress a step or two over and it would have been better.

The dialogue track could have been better because I could hear the different background sound. Did you use the camera mic or an external one?

Besides those few things, I think you folks did an excellent job for a first attempt. Keep up the good work.
 
I thought the lighting affect and the phrase "my love" where way over used

that smaller girl can't act to save her life
she also emphasize the wrong words
life and DEATH listen to me
it should have been "life and death OBEY ME!"
something like that
she couldn't pull off that archaic dialog

I had no idea what I was watching what the story is or anything like that
maybe some background info on the poem would be nice.

the shot where the girl shows up behind her with her hand on her was a bit cheese
do it more like horror movies where its not a straight cut but first you see the hand slowly creeping up on her

quality was awesome and the everything (costumes included) looked really great.

that "BRUZZ" sound was over used so was the DA sound
the little girls "shhh" was fucking horrible
it should have been quieter I mean seriously who shushs loudly?

so the chick runs 20 feet away from the creepy forest witch thing and hides behind a tree?
was she supposed to have run further but you just didn't show it?
maybe you could have faded in then out? I got the vibe she just ran 20 feet


those are my thoughts take em or leave em
 
thanks, the sound was always going to be a problem for me and i would have liked to gone back and shot a few things again but the long winter meant i had to use what i had. thanks for taking the time to watch and comment :)
 
Thought you had exceptional landscape shots. Aesthetically beautiful. Serene. The tension was played off elegantly. Enough with the tension in film ,already. Yours was understated and fairy tale like...nice...called for. I never pay much attention to story... so have no comments there.
 
thankyou cerio, i'm happy that you appreciated what i tried to do.

thankyou for your thoughts tacosale, your input is appreciated.
 
I think your actors are quite cool and I love the accent on the bad girl. I liked the closeup shots but they seemed a bit shaky.

I think what bothers me is the costume of the central charactor. It blends too well with the forest background and in the opening scene she is sort of lost in the forest. I know she is lost but she seems part of the forest with her outfit if that makes sense.
I don't know if its her outfit or the placement of the camera that makes her mesh in too much with the forest.
I like the sound btw.
 
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