Home

Go Back   IndieTalk - Indie Film Forum > Showcase > Screening Room > Narrative

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-06-2014, 09:29 AM   #1
schnizor
Basic Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Dairy
Posts: 22
Amateur Short, Population Zero

My buddy and I have dabbled into short film making and have just finished with this. It's a narrative and a first in the guerrilla style technique, we both shot and directed and co-wrote, one more than thee other but all between the two of us. What are your thoughts on how we approached this and facing said finished results?

schnizor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today   #1A
film guy
Basic Member
 
Posts: 17

 
Old 02-06-2014, 10:14 AM   #2
rayw
Basic Member
 
rayw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: About a thousand years from now
Posts: 6,621
The camera collects nice images.
You did great on natural lighting.
Many of the shots were well composed. Some no so good.
The shaky-cam is not quite docucam, you need more weight on your camera rig to tone down the tiniest muscle twitches.
Gross movement and blocking are fine.
Audio is fine.
Music selection is fine.
Editing is mostly fine but a little fast for conveying the emotion of loneliness and despair.
The cross-fade transitions need to be slower, not so fast!
The story is fundamentally sophomoric dreck.
See rule #10:
Within the story given, just to not fight it and go along with it, protagonist just wandered about with no plan provided to the audience.
Just a lot of difficult cross country trekking in search of... what?
Could he pick a more tortuous and non-productive and inefficient route?
Dumb@ss can't drive?
Can't stay on the easy to travel roadway?
Dumb@ss carries a rifle for protection but drinks cupped handfuls of amoeba infested "natural" creek water?
Effing retard.

And the mirror thing... IDK. WTF. More retarded? Retarded-er?


Overall I'd say the technical skill level shown is WELL on it's way towards being just fine.
It's a great nascent production.
Storywise... see #2 and #42 from the above link!


I KNOW the next production will be four times better.

Last edited by rayw; 02-06-2014 at 10:59 AM.
rayw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2014, 10:18 AM   #3
schnizor
Basic Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Dairy
Posts: 22
Excellent response. Much needed improvement on our story telling capabilities. Thanks rayw
schnizor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2014, 10:30 AM   #4
baoliun
Basic Member
 
baoliun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: ;
Posts: 493
Where to begin. Watching a random fella walking around for 4 minutes is boring.

Gross overacting!!! I think it is very common to all directors,especially beginning ones. The sooner you tone it down the better.

The reason it doesn't work is when you have 4 minutes of nothing and than you add great emotional breakdown it looks fake,random,non realistic and makes viewer cringe.

If you ever have a desire to show people blowing their brains away or waking up,watch 5 random short films and you will realise that is the most overused thing ever.

Good luck with you future films!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbS2WJdav6c
baoliun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2014, 10:31 AM   #5
mussonman
Basic Member
 
mussonman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: www.youtube.com/mussonman
Posts: 3,370
It's jarring to go back and forth from shaky to not shaky. Pick one!

Other than that, there were some cool shots and the narrator did a good job.
mussonman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2014, 10:34 AM   #6
mussonman
Basic Member
 
mussonman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: www.youtube.com/mussonman
Posts: 3,370
Quote:
Originally Posted by baoliun View Post

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbS2WJdav6c
I see your Python sketch and raise you one William Shatner!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CywJD13fujw
mussonman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2014, 10:54 AM   #7
rayw
Basic Member
 
rayw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: About a thousand years from now
Posts: 6,621
Good Lord, The Shatnerian School of Acting was painful to watch.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvZ2GTGyE8s
rayw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2014, 11:07 AM   #8
schnizor
Basic Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Dairy
Posts: 22
Oh good lord, hahaha
I see your Shatner and raise you Don Niam !


Rayw that short is VERY much exciting as some I have seen on that caliber, the very level I like to obtain thanks for the feed.
schnizor is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:28 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


©IndieTalk