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Is this funny?

ext. house - night

Three young 30-year old men are sitting on camping chairs out in the back yard drinking beers.

Danny
You know it's hard growing up, but uh..I guess I kinda had to when I realized he was actually a chick...Now, I'm havin a kid.(laughs)Eh, I'm a fuckin idiot. *I should have known.

He takes a sip of his beer.

John
Honestly, I don't know what to make of you.

DANNY
You know you keep saying that and it just kinda comes off like you're making fun of me. *

JOHN
Does it?

DANNY
It's a little passive aggressive.

JOHN
Is it?

DANNY
Are you making fun of me?

JOHN
Am I?

DANNY
You're not answering the question, dude.

John takes a sip of his beer.

DANNY
Are you making fun of me?

JOHN
Danny, lets just not make a big deal about this, okay?

DANNY
You're dodging the question, bro.

JOHN
I'm not dodging the question.

DANNY
Are you making fun of me?

JOHN
Look, I'm just trying to..

DANNY
Are you making fun of me?

John pauses in frustration.

DANNY
It's just a simple question.

STEVE
It's a simple question, man.

(BEAT)

JOHN
(frustrated)
Look, I'm just trying to have a good night.*

DANNY
By dodging my question.

STEVE
Why you dodging his question, man?

JOHN
Steve, shut the fuck up. *Danny, I'm not dodging your question. *You're a fucking freak and you know it.

(BEAT)

DANNY
...Soo, you are..

JOHN
Jesus, fuck. *Do I have to spell it out for you. *Yes, I'm making fun of you. You're a fucking freak and you having a kid from a woman you thought was a guy is just about as scary as my mom doing porn. *

There's a momentary pause.

DANNY
She's still doing that?

JOHN
I don't want to talk about it.

STEVE
I saw her on porn bros the other night.

JOHN
(puts hand over face)
God damn it Steve...

DANNY
(laughs)
Shit, man. *

JOHN
She literally ruined the Internet for me. *Now, I can't even look at porn.

STEVE
So, what do you do, man?

JOHN
I play lots and lots of video games and repress my urge to fuck.

STEVE
Really?

JOHN
No...Well, kind of. *Look, my life's a little complicated right now.

Suddenly, their other high school friend, Chris, comes around from the front. *As soon as everyone notices him, they get excited and greet him with open arms.

All
Chris!!

DANNY
Hey, man! *

JOHN
How's it going? *

DANNY
Its been a while.

CHRIS
Yeah, it has.

STEVE
Grab a beer, dude.

DANNY
Oh. *Yeah, here.

Danny reaches into the cooler and grabs a beer and passes it to Chris.

CHRIS
Thanks.

Chris opens the beer and Danny raises his can.

DANNY
Here's to an awesome high school reunion, guys. And to all the crazy shit we did back in the day.

Everyone chugs their beers.

JOHN
So, what have you been up these days?

CHRIS
Ah, you know. *Just working and whatnot..Seein this Spanish chick.

DANNY
Yeah? *You guys serious?*

CHRIS
Yeah, a little bit.

DANNY
And you're still living in New York, right?

STEVE
You still living there?

CHRIS
Wouldn't be anywhere else.

Chris takes another long sip.

JOHN
So, what kinda work you doing up there?

CHRIS
(takes deep breath)
Well..I'm a. *Well, I'm a cop.

DANNY
Woooah.
(laughs)
Hide the bong, guys. **

CHRIS
(smiles)
Yeah...

JOHN
Wow, you serious?

CHRIS
Yeah. *Three years so far.

STEVE
I don't think we have a bong, dude.

DANNY
Well, what happened, man? *You used to be the scar face of high school.

CHRIS
Yeeah well, I guess things change. *Gotta grow up at some point, right?

DANNY
You're fucking telling me. *I'm having a...Ah, you know what forget about it. *Let's just get fucked up, guys. *

Danny takes a sip of his beer. *

CHRIS
I got some catching up to do.

DANNY
Well, drink up mother fucker! *Woooo!

All four of them begin to chug their beer. *You hear loud party noises.

L-Shot TRANSTITION TO:INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
 
It is funny. It's just a bit unfocused and there is no big pay off. It just kinda ends. I think the introduction of the Chris character is completely unnecessary and derails the dynamic. I think cutting his character out and having a big payoff joke to wrap it up would work well. Like have John be like "I need to get away from you guys" and have Steve say "Hey can I come?"
John: "No, God dammit Steve, you can't come!"
Danny: "That's not what your mom said."

Boom! The End
 
Thanks for the feedback, guys. This is just a snipit. Eventually they party their asses off get super hammered and then one of them takes a joint out, to which chris the cop tries to arrest them, but it turns into an intense stand off where one of them refuses and that's when chris takes a gun out and threatens to shoot them. In the end, though, chris was just fucking with them and reveals it right before he's about to shoot.

I guess I need to work on my comedy, though. Just out of curiosity do you think this would be funny if it was executed properly? Like, if famous comedians were in this do you think it would be funny or should I just throw the whole thing out?

Thanks guys!
 
Thanks for the feedback, guys. This is just a snipit. Eventually they party their asses off get super hammered and then one of them takes a joint out, to which chris the cop tries to arrest them, but it turns into an intense stand off where one of them refuses and that's when chris takes a gun out and threatens to shoot them. In the end, though, chris was just fucking with them and reveals it right before he's about to shoot.

I guess I need to work on my comedy, though. Just out of curiosity do you think this would be funny if it was executed properly? Like, if famous comedians were in this do you think it would be funny or should I just throw the whole thing out?

Thanks guys!

The cop and gun action seems pretty unrealistic, maybe you could develop that better.


Just a thought.
 
Insightful Blog

I recently found a blog written by a film executive. It's basically short paragraphs on movies they've seen, but from a screenwriting perspective, I find it offers an interesting insight into how someone reading thousands of scripts and seeing hundreds of movies responds to material. It's at kcsview.com if you're interested.
 
The "are you making fun of me" bit kind of goes on for a while.

I didn't think it was a terrible scene by any means, but it certainly didn't seem like a comedy. Best of luck!
 
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