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Future_Screen

Before I’m going to write my series, I have to sharpen my skills. I wrote an example which you can critique.:

Int. living room – early morning

The living room seems ravaged and empty of people. Pizza boxes, soft drink cans, confetti and other typical party articles are lying around. Sometimes not very delicious.

JEFF (20), a dark-skinned man, sleeps in one corner. Alone. He wakes up, stands up, and looks what happen.

He sees the chaos. In a 180°-view from left to right.

Jeff’s mouth opens wide and his eyes are popping open, which are red with fatigue.

Jeff (V.O.)
WTF?! What did happen?​

He goes to the sofa and brushes the boxes away. Jeff sits down. He is starting to think what could happen.
 
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Future_Screen said:
Before I’m going to write my series, I have to sharpen my skills. I wrote an example which you can critique.:

Int. living room – early morning

The living room seems ravaged and empty of people. Pizza boxes, soft drink cans, confetti and other typical party articles are lying around. Sometimes not very delicious.

JEFF (20), a dark-skinned man, sleeps in one corner. Alone. He wakes up, stands up, and looks what happen.

He sees the chaos. In a 180°-view from left to right.

Jeff’s mouth opens wide and his eyes are popping open, which are red with fatigue.

Jeff (V.O.)
WTF?! What did happen?​

He goes to the sofa and brushes the boxes away. Jeff sits down. He is starting to think what could happen.
Click to expand...

It's written like youre the director.
 
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int living room - early room.
One man is sleeping in the corner of a room that was clearly ravaged by a party the night before.
He awakes with a pounding hangover

Jeff
WTF! What did happen?

He brushes debris off the sofa and sits down.
----
But more importantly.. tell a story.
 
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Don't write WTF unless he is saying double-u tee eff.

And "What did happen" is not proper English.

Will this be in German or English?
 
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Don’t write like a director. - But how?

To make it clear, I’m not a director. – And I don’t want to be one! But you often write (and asking) if am I one. But no.
So, I must become better. – Become better in: don’t sound like a director. But how can I attain this level? What are your best tips to do this?
 
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Threads merged. Please don't start new threads based on someone's comment when it pertains to the thread at hand, thanks.
 
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Yet, it is true.
Any note beyond what action is shown and heard on screen is telling how the pictures should be painted.
Camera moves, score directions, performance notes are telling how a script should be brought to life: that is what a director does.

PS.

Did you see all the crazy characters in your other thread?
 
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