I need a script doctor STAT

Seriously. I have a good script idea, and it's written, but it needs a serious punch up. Mostly just the dialogue, anybody interested. I can pay!
 
Sounds like you are looking for a screenwriter proficient in dialog, not a script dr. Script drs usually offer full analysis, and only some rewrite (of the online ones).
 
mlesemann specializes in this very thing. She's one of IT's moderators and she is an experienced screenwriter with a rather accomplished career as a producer. I recommend looking her up. :)
 
Sorry about taking so long to respond. I had a long weekend and I wasn't expecting so much action.

The short is about escapism. It's kind of a concept short. It opens with a futuristic world where we meet a man who has come into some sort of world changing information, but then we are pulled away and realize we are watching this through VR goggles by a teenager playing an MMO. The kid and his father discuss not playing too many video games but then the kid realizes a seemingly impossible connection between the game story and his real life we are then pulled away again to realize that all of this is a book being read by a man in his easy chair.

I'll DM all of you the first draft sometime this week. I'm making some updates of my own and hopefully I should have something view-able by Friday!

Thanks for the interest!
 
It needs a better ending. When we finally figure out this is just a guy reading this all in a book, why? Maybe that is not the ending. Maybe one more twist. He is actually a character in the VR, but something has changed in reality when the kid takes the glasses off (a death etc.). Then it comes full circle with twists.
 
At the end, the man puts down the book beside a newspaper dated years ahead in the future.
It's the 10th anniversary of the event when A.I. machines took over the world.
He has a serious thinking look on his face for a while, then his son calls him over.
They're the same man & teen shown earlier, looking older.
They start playing speed chess, smiling :)
 
Right, the man has to be connected somehow or it is too random.

PS. We are doctoring, that's what you wanted right? :D
 
Yeah of course Indietalk. I love this part of collaboration.

All good stuff and I totally agree. I'm working to get out a first draft by the end of the week so everyone can see the whole picture.
 
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