Hi there Blondike.
I'm new here on IndieTalk, so I wasn't around when this thread initially started. But although you might not like what I have to say about your film (and admittedly I have a bit), I'd really like to give my honest thoughts and suggestions on this film because I like it: I like the concept and I like the ambition. And I would love to see you perhaps give it another try if you ever have the opportunity. For the remainder of my response, I will try to be as constructive and understanding as I can be.
First of all, based on the few examples of fashion short films that I have seen while attending my art college, and from watching numerous music videos while taking my music video production class, the three most important aspects of fashion films and music videos are the three C's: 1. Concept, 2. Cinematography, and 3. Composition.
Things like story, narrative, or continuity really don't have to matter if you don't want them to in these genres.
Based on your initial post, what I gather about your concept is that you wanted to create a completely linear film that would go from one room to the next, non-stop, and feature two different outfits on a two different models who looked exactly the same, so that you could have one leave and the other come on, and it would look like they did a quick-change.
This is a fantastic concept and could really really work. However, your execution of this concept has a few glaring bugs.
1. We see far too much of your models' backs than we do their fronts. So making the connection that there are two of each model wearing two different outfits coming in and out of frame is a difficult one when we can't recognize their faces.
2. The lighting throughout your video is far too dark. Half the time I can barely see the models' faces, and I can barely even make out what they are doing when they meet each other in the hall and exchange something or exchange glances.
It seems that you put a more concerted effort into rehearsing and choreographing your general moves throughout this studio than you did planning for where lights and bounce cards would go to help brighten up the darker regions of your pathway through this building. Then again, you probably didn't have access to much lighting equipment while making this video, which I can understand. But if that was the case, then that should have prompted you to rethink where exactly you would shoot this, and how, so that your footage wouldn't end up as muddy and dark as it has. Having darker portions of your film or video is fine, as long as we can still see your actors when we're supposed to. Lighting ratio and exposure settings are very important all throughout a project.
3. Just like how Birdman was staged, it might have benefited your concept greatly had you carefully planned out where to cut the film and begin the next portion of it, while also still making it appear that the shots were completely continuous. This would have then allowed you to place your camera in a new unique position each time without having to slowly maneuver yourself to a new orientation every dozen seconds or so.
But I think even with shooting a single continuous shot, there are many things that could have improved what we see here.
For the most part, this film is very bare. There is nothing (to me at least) that catches my eye or draws me in. More often then not I'm looking at a young woman's back, framed by whatever is propped up against walls and floors beyond her, and there doesn't seem to be any intention to create a stylistic image or unique and interesting composition at each major point in the film: which there should be.
Composition is everything, even with fashion photography. You want the outfits and the dresses to shine and be the star of the show, right? But at the same time, you sometimes should also create compositions in shots that show contrast and present framing devices with other objects or actors in the frame. This makes a film fascinating to look at.
So considering those ideas, I'm wondering why you decided to shoot your film so close to the seams on the models' shoulders, or their hem lines, or their waists? If the film was a little more saturated in color and we had some closer shots slowly moving across the garments, shooting that close-up would work beautifully. But in a moving shot, especially an 8 minute one, the audience will almost always be looking right at the dead center of frame, wondering what we're all moving towards.
What's at the end of this hallway? What's coming around the corner? Who are we going to see next? But nothing exciting ever comes.
We might get a new outfit and a new model in frame, but they aren't lit or composed in a way that makes me excited to see them. I end up caring very little about the creative design of the outfits and more about where all of these people are walking to. If each room we enter in the sequence had something unique and interesting within it, it wouldn't matter where anyone's going or why.
Why not get wider shots? Shoot with a wider lens so we see their entire torsos. Find a room where you can walk all the way across and film them from a distance with pillars or windows passing across the frame. You don't always have to stand directly behind the models, or directly in front of them. It helps with visual variety to mix in some profiles and wide shots when possible.
I was especially hoping that at some point during the film, we would have gotten some sort of long choreographed dance, or stunt, or even just some people partying in slow motion throughout a long series of rooms. I know that you had a little bit of that sort of thing featured here, but more often then not the extras stood perfectly still.
Most of the time, though, the frame only had one person in it. The camera often felt like it was set too low looking too high. And the only colors were only ever on the outfits: which on a white sound stage can work great, but in a twisting turning building, not so much, especially if everything is desaturated.
I'm not sure exactly how much pre-production time you gave to this project, or how much money may have gone into getting it made. But I truly think this concept is a beautiful one to pursue. It's main flaw (I think) is simply that it just isn't lit or composed cinematically to draw in our attention to either the outfits or the fashion oriented vibe of the entire film. A lot more consideration has to go into all three of the 3 C's before the concept can really make the statement that I'm sure you want it to make.
So if it becomes at all possible for you to re-shoot this project later on this year and create a Mark-II version with a more concrete plan for choreography, action, and color: then I would go for it. Because I would love to see this idea go to the next level. So I wish you the very best with the current film, and whatever you aim to do in the future.
As a piece of visual inspiration, I think taking a few pointers from one of these Minecraft rollercoaster videos will help explain what I mean by composition and color during a continuous shot. This one below is my favorite. Every moment of this video had to be planned out, every angle of the minecraft camera had to be chosen, and every object in the frame had to be designed and placed just right to make the whole effect come together in the end.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afcudstM9zA
