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Repossession- A 7 page script

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What was this about?

I read through this twice, and I'm not quite sure what it's about. It provides a series of events that seem unconnected.

1. A tow truck driver is preparing to tow an illegally parked car belonging to a nurse.
2. The nurse attacks the driver and breaks is wrist.
3. She is physically aggressive in treating his injury in the hospital.
4. He is then visited by a fish monster (?)
5. He escapes only to return to the room and be injected?
6. He wakes up floating face down in the water?
7. He runs and sells his truck (?) to get the money to buy the nurse an engagement ring (?)
8. He faints when he learns she left with a guy in a fish mask.

The driver is flagrantly misogynistic. The nurse is openly hostile.

A series of events is not a story; if it's not a story, it's not a film. The best explanation I can give, is that a series of events tells the viewer "what happens" whereas a story tells the viewer "why it happens". If you want to change the above into a story, take each of the eight events and explain visually why it happens. And the "Why does event 1 lead to event 2?" and so forth. Also, it helps for the viewer to feel something for the lead character(s). It's hard to like either one. The turnabout in the driver seems totally unrealistic to me. Even in a short, characters need to seem believable in their emotional reactions.

You have an interesting idea. I see potential in it but I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a comedy or sci fi thriller. It would work better if the elements are developed a bit more, IMO. A character arc should show how the character evolves as a result of the circumstances. That should happen in a way that mirrors what viewers would experience themselves. It wasn't clear to why the driver would do what he did, so the ending was odd. Was the intern in cahoots with Annabelle?
 
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Hey Fantasy, thanks for taking the time to read my script! I'm still struggling with the difference between a series of events and a story, but I'll get to that in the book eventually I hope.

it helps for the viewer to feel something for the lead character(s). It's hard to like either one. The turnabout in the driver seems totally unrealistic to me. Even in a short, characters need to seem believable in their emotional reactions.
Click to expand...

You're totally right about that, I had a hard time figuring out how to change the characters in such a short time, and I guess I took shortcuts that made it unrealistic. I'll keep working on that.

Thanks again for the read, it's really appreciated.:)
 
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