Seeking feedback on a short script.

It's not bad. Not a short I would have any interest in seeing.
Very cliche. But it should be good experience for you as a
director.

I suggest you get in the habit of writing in a more "standard"
way even though you will be directing. When you show the
script to others (from people like us to the crew and actors)
they will be expecting less telling and more showing.

If I were to review this script from a writer (not a writer/director)
I would say it very poorly written. So many things that cannot
be filmed and too many asides to the reader. The dialogue is
stilted and the final revelation came out of nowhere - you didn't
set it up well.

Again, it's not a bad story overall and will make a good directing
challenge for you.

If your characters say everything they think,they have nothing left inside. Empty. Boring.

Now the story. it is a 7 page script and you want to squeeze in 2 freaking murders and some psychotic behavior. viewer wont give a fuck about any people in your screenplay/film. If you think that people will feel sorry,cry or w.e as soon as you mention a delicate topic you are very optimistic. It didn't work in 1920's.

Now everyone has different taste,so no criticism there,but if you want to make a slasher,make a bloody slasher with some humor and it will be good. If you want to make psychological drama try to think of something else than a murder of a child. Try to make something without a gun and blood in it. Something interesting. If you take a look at 20 random amateur shorts half of them will have main characters shooting themselves in the head after 1 minute sobbing and playing with a gun.

The idea that you have written might only work if you spend good 100 minutes on it. And still it will be very hard.

So word of advice - ask yourself do you want to make a gory slasher? Or psychological drama? And do you really want to see your script on screen? I mean REALLY? Are you willing to put x amount of $ and x amount of time into it?

Patchy,

You script is exactly what this "new generation" of script writers seems to want to write. I'll ask you the same question I've asked the others:

"What feeling do you want me to walk away with?

-Birdman

Your script should describe what the viewer is seeing and hearing. In many places you give background information that's not going to be available to someone seeing the movie. If you want to leak the information, do so visually first.

on p. 2 "Really -- who could sleep with the knowledge of their kid being missing?"
Nowhere is the length of his absence made clear. All we see are some scenes inside the house. You might have the camera float over articles thumbtacked to a bulletin board detailing the boy's disappearance to give context.

Also, I would not put in a telephone number. There will be those people who will call the number. It will be maddening for the person who may have that number and could lead to potential legal action. I would simply state "... call the Lisle Police Department."

"In the situation Richard’s in, how can you blame him for not wanting to listen to this garbage? And why the hell is Joan worrying about this if her son just went missing?"
As Directorik said, as the writer/director it helps you. For the viewer this means nothing. The script should evoke these reactions without actually being stated, since there is no mention of how long Adrian has been missing. And you mention this at the top of the page before his disappearance is even mentioned at the bottom of the page. In a script, you want to write what is seen and heard. Her reaction to the shock by distracting herself is not unusual. It's interesting and deserves fuller development.

"Richard takes it, walks out of the room. Joan’s odd behavior had to be brought up eventually, right?"
What 'odd behavior' are you talking about? Doing the dishes? You need to show her doing something odd. And again, you're commenting in the script rather than describing.

The ending is very abrupt with no set up. Personally, I would have had an instance where when the husband walks in, the wife looks guilty and closes her laptop. I would probably place "clues" that suggested she was cheating on him. I would make the dialogue with his father more substantive. You have different directions you can pursue but if she's behaving oddly, the script needs to describe that.

As it is, this is more of a sketch of your idea rather than a workable script. Yes, you could shoot it, but it would be very unsatisfying largely because you've done very little character development, the dialogue is largely irrelevant, there is no set up so the ending feels forced and contrived. It should also be a bit more detailed in the setup of Adrian's disappearance. It could work well as a short with some revisions. Good luck.