Another noobie short film - please give feedback

[DerelictMedia]

Greetings and salutations everyone. I really like it here, people are active and feedback is priceless. Specially for those like me that are just starting with film.
Here is my 2nd test film. Unfortunatelly, it was created before I heard great advices from you guys but still...
I hope I imroved since my first movie - "The Box" on wich you left me some great comments.

I call this one; "Lamer Progamer" and it is a gaming - inspired short. There is not much of a story in this one cause I still have a lot to go learning to operate my new camera and tuning my modest filming capabilities before I endeavour to make a film with a greater story. Tnx

Lamer Progamer - short test film

[WalterB]

It's too long, because there is no other 'tension' than moving hands and the music.
Frustration of the gamer doesn't grow. He doesn't sweat. There is no 'progress'.
This makes the shots merely repetative.

The joke is funny.
However the contrast between the way the game is being controlled and the options one has when moving (up or down) is a bit on the large side :p

[Swis_Bronson]

I agree with Walter. It was comical indeed. Just my opinion: at 0:09 shot, have the camera focus on his "action hand"/left hand to show off that killer uber-micro!

[DerelictMedia]

Originally Posted by WalterB

It's too long, because there is no other 'tension' than moving hands and the music.
Frustration of the gamer doesn't grow. He doesn't sweat. There is no 'progress'.
This makes the shots merely repetative.

The joke is funny.
However the contrast between the way the game is being controlled and the options one has when moving (up or down) is a bit on the large side :p

I was going for the authentic way a gamer acts (wich in reality is emotionless, cool look). Hollywood portrays them way too nerdy, way to frustrated, biting nails when they play and so on. I watch many gaming turnaments and have seen the way professional gamers act.

Regarding the punch line - it was my intention tu build up the tention and direct viewers in one direction and in climax to turn what you expect on it's head. It is not my role to say if I succeeded in that or not.

[DerelictMedia]

Originally Posted by Swis_Bronson

I agree with Walter. It was comical indeed. Just my opinion: at 0:09 shot, have the camera focus on his "action hand"/left hand to show off that killer uber-micro!

Lol! uber micro and 300 APM Regarding the focus change on left hand: I wish I was able to do that. It would have realy helped that shot. Problem was that I had no one to change that focus for me since I was bussy "acting" and was unable to change it.

[Alcove Audio]

Originally Posted by DerelictMedia

I was going for the authentic way a gamer acts (which in reality is emotionless, cool look). Hollywood portrays them way too nerdy, way to frustrated, biting nails when they play and so on. I watch many gaming tournaments and have seen the way professional gamers act.

The problem is that narrative films have nothing to do with reality; let's face it, reality is boring. When I do sound everything, even for straight drama projects, is over the top, and comedies are way over the top. A real gun doesn't make any noise when handled; if everything was as loose as they are sonically portrayed in movies the gun would probably blow up when fired. Computers make a beep, bleep or boop for every action; if they were really as noisy as portrayed in films they would drive the user crazy; if not listening to music or watching YouTube most of us turn the sound off. I could go through the whole list of sound clichés, but you get the idea.

So it is almost required to use all of the clichés and stereotypes, they are expected by the audience.

http://www.moviecliches.com/

http://www.filmsound.org/cliche/

[rscomposer]

I like that you didn't overplay his behavior with the game too much, though perhaps exaggerating his enthusiasm would've made the joke even more unexpected.

Zooming in on his eye closer and closer somewhat compensates for the lack of sweat, or nail biting.

You could also gradually bring up the sound of the keystrokes and mouse clicks so they become larger than life.