First ever script - server lost my post

[8salacious9]

hey all i did have a previous post but was lost due to server, so il state again iv never writ a script before and that this is my very first attempt and iv only looked at one script before for like 2 seconds..

just to add that this is a anime/come to real life action short, but less cheesy as in no stupid tall massive hair,

the plot i wanted to be as less revealing as possible, there are 5 different episodes to this short, in each episode youl learn more about whats going on and so forth, i wanted to give the feeling of what the hells going on, but at the same time i wanted you to enjoy the action.

Im under no illusion that the script will probably be rubbish but its my first ever script and i have no knowledge in script writing, i prefer to learn by errors than to study for a whole year ( i dont have time)

so please let me know what you so far, and its unfinished its just the first five pages.

http://www.slideshare.net/8salacious9/seishin

Thanks

[Filman]

Checked it out. Looks brave, but very hard to follow. The F character gets what he wants,
but that's about all what I understand.

It opens with a guy tied to a chair. Many young movie maker's favorite for some reason.
To not immediately make a parallel to their sadistic shorts you could keep R captured in
another way. For instance having him see something when he wakes up and not daring
to move because of it could give a first indication about that this story operate with its
own rules.

And then the satanic laughter. Not done very well they can be a huge turn-off, so have
your actors practice that until you're satisfied.

[8salacious9]

Originally Posted by Filman

Checked it out. Looks brave, but very hard to follow. The F character gets what he wants,
but that's about all what I understand.

It opens with a guy tied to a chair. Many young movie maker's favorite for some reason.
To not immediately make a parallel to their sadistic shorts you could keep R captured in
another way. For instance having him see something when he wakes up and not daring
to move because of it could give a first indication about that this story operate with its
own rules.

And then the satanic laughter. Not done very well they can be a huge turn-off, so have
your actors practice that until you're satisfied.

i think once i write more of the episode one, then perhaps it will become clearer, i think i will re-write the chair bit but i might not havent yet decided whats best.

the laughter you are correct will have to be done exactly how i invisioned it, except its from a anime vision, so how il bring that to life like will have to be considered and i am adding AE cs5 graphics to it, so itl be dark and scary kinda.

what do you think i could add to the script for instance should i be describing characters more or camera shots more?

thanks for input by the way

[Filman]

No, no camera angles. The reader sees them in their heads. Reading about them is the worst. Looks pretty good as it is. Dots you can add.

[8salacious9]

I have now finished it, its 12 pages long i will no doubt be going over it and refining it, i aim to film next month if possible, as it will be my first film, i want to learn from my mistakes as soon as possible and put out something really decent.

also note that this is episode one, you are given insight into Straines part not all of it but the relationship between him and Furah.

Thank you