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Using "ing" words in action description

CHamburger

CHamburger

Hi I was talking with a friend over the weekend and we started discussing "ing"s in action description.

Instead of saying "Tim is FLYING over teh clounds" He said it should be written "Tim FLIES over the clouds". I agreed with his assertion but I just wanted some validation from people who knew more about these formatting issues. What is teh acceptible way to write something likes this?

I know using "we see" or "we hear" is not correct but anything on using the "ing" form instead of the other form ie. "reading"=reads, looking=looks etc. Thanks.
 
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If you are writing spec scripts (those you plan to sell/be produced by somebody other than yourself) then the correct format applies.

Avoid using words ending in "ing".

We need to be in the PRESENT with the action. We need to live it in the moment that the action occurs.

"Tim FLIES through the clouds" would be the correct option, yes.
 
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Let's be very careful. Using "we see" or "we hear" is correct. It is
being uses less and less which to me is a good thing. It's clear to
me when reading a script that "we" will see and hear what the
writers writes. But its use is not incorrect - just discouraged.

The “is walking” verb is called present progressive. In fiction, it's
used to indicate a secondary action continuing up until or while
the main action - the sentence's primary verb - occurs. Mary is
walking and steps on a leprechaun.

Now it is acceptable to use the present progressive in a script, but
you can see how writing in the present reads as more active.
 
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In the world of spec screenplay writing there should be no/almost no -ing or -ly words.

Correct: Tom flies over the clouds.
Incorrect: Tom is flying over the clouds.

Correct: He takes off quick, but lands slow.
Incorrect: He takes off quickly, but lands slowly.

However, if you're writing for your own production - feel free to do it any way you want.
Although spec screenplay format is primarily for attempting to sell a spec screenplay it's also good to put in front of investors and professional cast & crew.
No one else cares, especially if you're the director.
 
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rayw said:
In the world of spec screenplay writing there should be no/almost no -ing or -ly words.

Correct: Tom flies over the clouds.
Incorrect: Tom is flying over the clouds.

Correct: He takes off quick, but lands slow.
Incorrect: He takes off quickly, but lands slowly.

However, if you're writing for your own production - feel free to do it any way you want.
Although spec screenplay format is primarily for attempting to sell a spec screenplay it's also good to put in front of investors and professional cast & crew.
No one else cares, especially if you're the director.
Click to expand...

Wait you can't use "ly" adverbs?! This has to be open to debate.
 
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CHamburger said:
Wait you can't use "ly" adverbs?! This has to be open to debate.
Click to expand...
Depends upon what you're going to do with your screenplay.

Honestly, IMO, it's a stupid industry standard - up to a point.
If you're a pro-reader at an agency or studio, and every day you gotta pile fifty deep of screenplays to try to get beyond the first page or two, then maybe beyond page ten or twelve story catalyst, then you don't wanna be reading;

Tom is quickly and quietly flying through the gently rolling clouds, coolly
rushing air prickling his skin. The beautifully setting sun casts orange
hues into the clouds, the glowing moon behind him slowly, hauntingly
enveloping them in purples.

G.
D.

Can I shoot the MF-ing picture now that I'm finished reading the MF-ing novel?
EFFFFFFFFF MEEEEE!

Tom flies through the clouds as the sun sets, moon behind him.

THANK YOU!!!
Man... !


Okay, now that was just a wee bit more drama than needed, but you can understand that no one wants to fold back the title page to start pounding through 110 pages of flowery prose choking on superlatives for a BS story that has nothing more than a cute idea in it somewhere asphyxiating beneath the -ings and -lys.

And then the next screenplay.

And then the next one.

And then the next one.

Don't get too excited.
You only have forty-five more to go.

And then there's tomorrow.
And the day after.
And the day after that...

:lol:
 
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No I agree with making tegh action as descriptive yet concise as possible-basically get to the point while showing what you wanna show. I don't think an occasional "ly" is all that bad. If every action paragraph was riddled with LYs than I can see how daunting it would be for a reader, but sometimes there are no other words to use.
 
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Yea I did a little googling-its not as bad as "ing"s but it is suggested if there's a more evocative way to write without the adverbs than that is indeed teh way to go. I mean no matter how much format you follow you're still being scrutinized by the reader, little things like adverbs shouldn't hold that much weight. I doubt if American Pie had a million adverbs it would've been passed over-a good story should be out minor slip ups like that...most of the time.
 
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I have been a reader for many years. That's why in my first post I
urged caution. The reality is readers do not scrutinize format to the
point many book, websites and forum members would lead us to
believe. There are the six format basics that must be followed - then
the writer is free to write their script using what ever words, grammar
and style they feel fits.

The actual issue - the one most writers tend to avoid - is any reader
covering spec scripts is going to read a huge percentage of truly bad
scripts. Huge. Not scripts that have "we see", not scripts that use "ing"
and not scripts that use "ly" - but truly badly written scripts. That's
why the vast majority of spec scripts are rejected.
 
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directorik said:
Until ray mentioned it today I had never heard this.
Click to expand...
I think you travel in circles more than a few levels above me where such silly things are unknown.
You... elitist, you! ;)


directorik said:
The actual issue - the one most writers tend to avoid - is any reader
covering spec scripts is going to read a huge percentage of truly bad
scripts. Huge. Not scripts that have "we see", not scripts that use "ing"
and not scripts that use "ly" - but truly badly written scripts. That's
why the vast majority of spec scripts are rejected.
Click to expand...
Spot on.
I don't think a fundamentally well constructed story is going to get kicked out the door over some quibbling format faux pas any more than some of these pervs around here would kick Emma Watson outta bed for not shaving her legs this morning.
Frankly... Pfft!
 
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There is no law against using "ing" verbs in spec scripts. However, it is generally a good idea to avoid using gerunds when writing anything in the present tense. That's just good writing sense. And avoid the passive voice. And spell correctly. And don't over-modify your verbs and nouns. etc. etc.

Write your action descriptions succinctly and concisely and clearly.

Keep anything that will distract the reader from immersing themselves in the story OUT of your script, which includes any of the myriad bad-writing habits you'll find antidotes for in any good grammar handbook.

If you want to be a good screenwriter, you have to master writing. Ain't no way around it.

If you're writing scripts you intend to shoot yourself, then by all means write as you wish.

cheers!

-Charles
 
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I think of screenplay writing style as a direct descendant of the hard-boiled detective novel -- short, clipped, sentences with as many words removed as possible. Screenplays should make for quick, easy reading. A script's complexity shouldn't be in its description, but in its structure and/or characters.
 
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My feeling is like Directorik's. Moderation is the writer's best guide. When reading a script, if the format is off, I become more attentive to other imperfections--the spelling and grammar issues. If the formatting is clean, generally the focus is more on structural issues and the story.

The guideline regarding '-ing' and '-ly' is to discourage lazy writing. I have a file that I found that discusses these more:
http://www.mediafire.com/file/fi0n29d1x5rt68k/WRITING STYLE THAT SELLS2.ppt

I've found it useful on many occasions and echoes advice I've received from multiple sources.
 
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Thanks I'll have to check that out when I get home, downloads not working for some reason.

I think the more concise yet colorful a description is the more it allows the reader to focus on the actual story. Unless the dialogue is cheesy then I don't think any "sweet" descriptions will help.
 
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