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Old 06-19-2017, 12:36 AM   #2
buscando
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: L.A.
Posts: 728
INT. BACK ROOOMS OF THE ROYAL COVEN THEATRE- DAY

BEGIN DOCUMENTARY

Its 2017. Before us, a distinguished matriarch in all white, concern behind her weathered but otherwise happy smile. She stands in one of the BACKS ROOMS AT THE ROYAL COVEN THEATRE. A title introduces her as CAROLINE - head mistress of the esotrine ballet school.

Were watching a faded documentary. A title fades in, introducing the woman as Caroline - head mistress of the Esotrine ballet school.

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-"INT. BACK ROOOMS" & "BACKS ROOMS" spelling
-From INT. to the end of the 2nd paragraph it seems like you can condense a lot of the stuff because you're mentioning many things twice.

I don't know if a 2nd draft should be completely perfect, but if the errors are right at the beginning it kinda lowers my interest to keep going.
I guess it's no problem if you're the director. But if you're not, you may want to streamline & make it as easy as possible to read for people who don't have a lot of time or patience.
But maybe I'm just too obsessive
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