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I'm 14, writing my first big script, need a critique

Hey everybody, I've been reading the boards for a while now, and I post every now and then, but now I finally have somthing worth posting. Well my friends and I want to make a feature, just for practice, that way in a few years when we're older and more experienced with movies we'll be set to go. Well anyway, I've got about 26 pages done, I'm aiming for around 80 pages in the script. This is pretty much what you can call the first act, it's setting up the story for what's going to happen in the next 54 pages or so. It's pretty much all dialogue. It's titled "Kings of the Night". Basically it's about a group of teens around 14-15, planning to sneak out of their houses one night and raise all sorts of hell. A lot of the stuff that happens in the movie actually happened to one of my friends or me at one point. Not everything, a lot. What I have so far is kinda dull, but I want to get this part of script evaluated so when the movie starts to get into gear i'll have a better idea of what to do. o.k. well if anybody wants to help an aspiring film maker out and wants to critique my script, email me at vinnyd3000@aol.com and i'll email it to you. Put somthing about the script in the Subject so I don't delete your email on accident. Thanks for anybody whose willing to read it!
 
I obviously have not read your script, but something in your post caught my attention. You say it's mostly dialouge... which is bad. Readers call them flag pages, because (quite frankly) they're red flags that the scriptwriter doesn't know what he's doing.

Movies are visual - it's nearly impossible to have two people sit there are talk for twenty pages. Scripts need action, not just dialouge.

Just something to keep in mind if you plan on sending it to anyone.
 
Vinny,

I think it's great that you're writing a screenplay.

As Demosthenes pointed out, a heavy reliance on dialogue is something to watch out for. Sometimes it means the story is more suitable for the stage rather than the screen.

Regardless, you're taking the best possible course of action in committing the story to paper. Keep going - keep writing - keep telling the story the best way you know how. If the first draft is light on direction and exposition that can be fixed; however, if the story rattles around in your head until it's good enough to be a finished product, chances are it will never be done.
 
Thanks everybody for the replies. I've sent the script to all who posted their email and/or who emailed me. Having too much dialogue was what I was worrying about, but as a teenager 90% of your life is talking so it can't that far off right? Well thats definitley somthing to think about when I start writing the rest of it. Thanks again everybody.
 
ok i emailed you with my sn's and im reading this. there are a couple problems that stick out


1. there is too much calling people to see if they're going, sleeping over, etc. plus, their plan is sorta confusing.


2. the entire fye scene is completely unnecessary...and he keeps talking about media play anyways.


3. i read the first 4 lines of dialogue from the drug dealer's house scene and i was cracking up- lets just say i can tell a white kid wrote it.


4.
He'll be like Napoleon Dynamite or somebody.
No.


5.
I couldn't find where it was at.
How many places can there be a football game at other than a football field/stadium?


6. This isn't necessarily a problem, rather a recommendation
Take your pop.
Ok, your clearly from the north. I am as well, but I moved to the south, and whenever I said "pop" everyone got this confused look, so you might want to say "drink."


7.
RYAN
Dude, are you fucking stupid? He buys his
shit from the fucking bloods. As in black,
street gang bloods who do drive-bys on
there own mothers. What do you think
there gonna do to a couple of white boys
from the suburbs?
I sure hope no black people plan on seeing this movie.


8. This is a more general "throughout-the-script" type of deal. There's a lot of typing abbreviations in the dialog like "K'' and "u." Now, since this is a spec script this is okay, but when you do the final copy, it'd be much better and easier to understand in plain-English.


All in all, however, the setup is good and you're 14 so you have to start somewhere. There are alot of things I liked about the script too, but this post is gonna be long enough so I won't post those. I liked this enough to look forward to what happens next. :yes:

Definately keep writing. :)
 
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yeah i agree with bensmerglia. some of the dialougue in the script is unnecessary, but i think overall, its an okay script. if you probably take out what isnt needed, then this script will turn out just fine.

you asked for my screen name....i use AIM....its xshort66spikex

look forward to talking to you soon
 
To comment on Bensmerglia's number 7 - Did quentin Tarantino hope blacks didnt see Reservior and Pulp? Race is not a big deal, the character in the movie has that idea of the bloods....if black people cant realize that then they shouldnt watch movies. And black people do realize that, so it doesnt matter.
 
rizien said:
the character in the movie has that idea of the bloods.....

Yes, but that has to be clear ... Having not read the script, I can't say that it isn't clear in this case, but I've seen many movies (including Resevior Dogs) where I wondered about the writer's use of the racial slurrs and comments.

Poke
 
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