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Shifters logline

T

timberwulff

Guest
Lou Garou finds out He's a werewolf, and now has to learn what it really means to be one. Meanwhile a serial killer and a werewolf hunter are looking for him, and his friends. Will Lous' new life be a short one?
 
timberwulff said:
Lou Garou finds out He's a werewolf, and now has to learn what it really means to be one. Meanwhile a serial killer and a werewolf hunter are looking for him, and his friends. Will Lous' new life be a short one?

I realize this is just a web forum, but the main thing I would suggest for your logline/query is to make it as tight as possible. Also, spelling mistakes will kill you if you attempt to send it out in that shape. People see bad spelling and they automatically think bad writer. If you don't take the time to craft your query well, why should they think the screenplay will be any different?

That being said, the first line makes a great logline. Very good. The second line is confusing... there's too many people involved. The third line is decent (but watch the spelling!).

Overall, I think the second line needs to be made clearer. Are his friends important to the story? If not, I'd leave that out. Give more about the serial killer and werewolf hunter. Is this the same person, or two different people? I know why the werewolf hunter is after him, but what about the serial killer. I think there's a little room for you to play with these ideas with a longer second sentence. Also, you may want to convey whether this is a comedy or a straight horror movie or action. Right now, I can't tell. The first line is definitely intriguing. You've got me hooked, now keep me there.

Hope this helps.

- Mike.
 
How's this?

Lou Garou finds out he's a werewolf, and now has to learn what it really means to be one. Meanwhile, a crazed serial killer has set his sights on Lou. To make matters worse, a werewolf hunter is looking for him. Will Lou's new life be a short one?
 
I see spite's point, but the way you broke up your second sentence makes it kind of a clunky read. The first and last sentence seem pretty good, but I'd rewrite those middle two.

BTW, I love your play on the words loup garou :)
 
I don’t like ending logline’s with questions because the logline should entice more questions that you can ask in a logline. I also don’t like loglines more than two sentences, but what about this as a suggestion?

Lou Garou finds out he's a werewolf, and now he will have to learn what it really means to be one while overcoming a crazed serial killer and a werewolf hunter. Will Lou's new life be a short one or will he live to howl another day?
 
film8ker, that first sentence is too much of a run on. Trying to squeeze to much in there. Here's my attempt:

Lou Garou has just found out that he's a werewolf. Now he has to learn what it really means to be one. But with a crazed serial killer and a werewolf hunter on his tail, will Lou's new life be a short one?

- Mike.
 
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