View Single Post
Old 06-15-2012, 10:14 AM   #28
ItDonnedOnMe
Basic - Premiere Expired
 
ItDonnedOnMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 1,943
Watched the old video yesterday - this one is definitely better. It feels like it's out of order though. You have 40 seconds of not much going on right at the beginning - a lot of people will tune out here. Then you have a longish explanation of what the story is without much intro to the project, and at 2:20 you finally get into your real hook - I'll bet most people have tuned out by this point. I'd say open with the tank line, then go straight into your visual sequence, then explain the story and finish with what you need the money for.
ItDonnedOnMe is offline   Reply With Quote