• Wondering which camera, gear, computer, or software to buy? Ask in our Gear Guide.

Need some advice

B

BOTBproductions

Hello all
I am in need of help; i have been writing for a number of years starting as a kid writing short stories but i seem to have not grown much as a writer, my dialogue seems to be a big issue as once i have re-read what I've written it seems very forced and predictable and does not give my characters a lot of depth which stupidly leads me to stop further action on the script. could someone please give me some help to go on to hopefully getting my scripts to a quality to send them out.

thank you all
 
Sort by date Sort by votes
Alrighty,

So first thing is first: Review your grammar. It's pretty bad. Fix spelling errors, fluency errors, capitalize names and beginnings of sentences... make it readable first. That's the largest thing impeding your script, not the dialogue. (Though it will help the dialogue, since some of these spelling/grammatical issues are causing the dialogue to flow funny.)

I think one of the reasons you may think that it feels forced, is because you aren't giving characters reason for doing what they do. Aside from clearly having a hidden agenda towards the Priest, I have no idea why Nathan is hanging around this school, harassing innocent mothers. Character development and motivations behind what your characters do will help it seem a lot less forced.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
Beatlesfan1225 said:
Alrighty,

So first thing is first: Review your grammar. It's pretty bad. Fix spelling errors, fluency errors, capitalize names and beginnings of sentences... make it readable first. That's the largest thing impeding your script, not the dialogue. (Though it will help the dialogue, since some of these spelling/grammatical issues are causing the dialogue to flow funny.)

I think one of the reasons you may think that it feels forced, is because you aren't giving characters reason for doing what they do. Aside from clearly having a hidden agenda towards the Priest, I have no idea why Nathan is hanging around this school, harassing innocent mothers. Character development and motivations behind what your characters do will help it seem a lot less forced.
Click to expand...

they dialogue is fixed to my home town so i have written it as i want the actors to say it i don't have a lot experience in how i should go about doing this so i have written the dialogue in that way intentually, I agree with capital letters.

The basic outline is that Nathan is a down and out guy who was molested by a priest when he went to that same school and develops a relationship with karen (who's son is a present student at that school) to bring the pedophile priest to justice for his crimes.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0 Downvote
Hmm...

We gotta get you looking semi-pro as a minimal standard.
A bath, shave and a haircut, so to speak.


First you need some FREEEEEEEEE hassle-free screenwriting software:
http://en.softonic.com/s/celtx-2.9.1

Download that and install.

  1. Open your original word processing document.
  2. FADE IN: goes before the first slug line.
  3. Celtx will auto cap your slugs.
  4. Delete all of those "Fade to"s and "Cut to"s. Don't need them. Director will determine transitions, not the (lowly) screenwriter. Sorry.
  5. For every one of the CHARACTERs about to speak place the cursor immediately to the right of their name and hit return on your keyboard putting the DIALOG on the line below.
  6. Delete every one of those colons, BTW. All of them.
  7. Put a space after each dialog.
  8. Put a space after each slug line.
  9. Select all, Copy, open Celtx, open a "Film" Project Template, paste.
  10. If Celtx doesn't recognize a slug line as not being an ACTION you may have to tinker with it using the return and backspace buttons on your keyboard to get it right.

At the bottom of the Celtx window will be a tab for "Typeset/PDF", go there.
Ta-Da!!! All pretty.
Find the "Save PDF" button near the top-ish left, save, then upload to goog docs.
(This all sounds a lot more complicated than it really is, but I've done it a few hundred times, so... )

Should look something like: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8Bznn8D13zONXdkTXA3T2JOems/edit?usp=sharing

Oh, and here's the last thing I was working on for a one week challenge: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8Bznn8D13zOV1RBMllfVzNxVVk/edit?usp=sharing
We had to write a 10-12 page rogue shark attack story using four or fewer characters with some sort of budget in mind.
Pfft. As if anyone can shoot anything in the water on any sensible budget, let alone a short story involving a shark attack. Whatever.
I still gotta go back and clean this up a bit.
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0 Downvote
BOTBproductions said:
I agree with capital letters.
Click to expand...

Watch spelling and usage, as well.

"ill might not be back home till later" - I might not be back home...

"il only get into trouble" - I'll only get into trouble

Those sort of mistakes make the script read sloppily - I'm sure they aren't intentional but a quick proof read/spellcheck can eliminate them.

"ill not take too much of your time" - I won't take too much of your time. (Unless you actually wanted to say "I'll not take" to make your character seem uneducated, that might have been intentional, I don't know.



Perhaps teaming up with an editor to polish up your work would be a good way to go about it.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
When I write Dialogue i send to say it out loud before i write it to see how it sounds but i think due to the responses iv had i should maybe fix the grammar so it is understood internationally and rewrite the grammar with the accents for the shooting script what would you guys think?
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
I’ve only had a quick scan through of this; as mentioned above, it’s difficult to read. Get it formatted properly, using Celtx as Ray has mentioned. That’ll make it much easier to read, both for us and yourself, and to pick out the little mistakes.



BOTBproductions said:
When I write Dialogue i send to say it out loud before i write it to see how it sounds but i think due to the responses iv had i should maybe fix the grammar so it is understood internationally and rewrite the grammar with the accents for the shooting script what would you guys think?
Click to expand...

Trying to give your characters a local dialect within your dialogue is absolutely fine. That’s not the cause of your grammar issues. Within your script, you have many misuses of punctuation, capitalisation and spelling. That’s what needs to be fixed. Just read your quote above; same issue here. It’s actually quite difficult to read. Let me fix it for you…

BOTBproductions said:
When I write dialogue, I tend to say it out loud before I write it, to see how it sounds. But I think, due to the responses I’ve had, I should maybe fix the grammar so it is understood internationally, and rewrite the grammar with the accents for the shooting script. What would you guys think?
Click to expand...

See, the use of punctuation especially allows the reader to break it up, digest it and comprehend exactly what it is you’re trying to say.

If you want a character to say: “I’ve gotta be goin’ now”, that’s fine. No need to write: “I’ve got to be going now.” But I’ve is always I’ve, never iv.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
rayw said:
Oh, and here's the last thing I was working on for a one week challenge: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8Bznn8D13zOV1RBMllfVzNxVVk/edit?usp=sharing
We had to write a 10-12 page rogue shark attack story using four or fewer characters with some sort of budget in mind.
Pfft. As if anyone can shoot anything in the water on any sensible budget, let alone a short story involving a shark attack. Whatever.
I still gotta go back and clean this up a bit.
Click to expand...

Ray, I'm absolutely gutted. This link isn't public! I was really looking forward to reading your low-budget-shark-attack movie...
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top