Common screenwriting mistakes… Part 1

I’ve been reading a lot of screenplays lately… From indie filmmakers, all the way to a few A-List screenwriters and I’ve actually found some common mistakes that really slow down the reading enjoyment of these screenplays.

It’s true… You have to know how to write a good story and then be able to translate that story to screenplay format but make no mistake… Breaking into the business is largely a “numbers game” so why take chances by allowing mistakes in your screenplay when, with just a little commitment, you can easily take care of these BEFORE allowing ANYONE to read it?

Don’t you OWE it to yourself to insure that your screenplay is the very best it can be? If you’re an indie low or no budget filmmaker, don’t you owe it to everyone involved in your project and vision to make sure that your screenplay is the very best it can be?

Now that I’m playing the role of a producer, I’m reading at least 1 to 5 screenplays from professional screenwriters each week. That’s just me. I know professional readers that take 10 to 15 screenplays home to read over the weekend and that doesn’t include all the screenplays they read during the week.

Check this out… I’m talking about professionally written screenplays here… There might be a SMALL percentage of these from people with talent attempting to break in but by and large, the majority of these scripts are from professionals.

So…

If studios, readers, prodcos, agents, and producers are passing on all these PROFESSIONALLY written screenplays, don’t you think it’s important that your work at least LOOK professional too?

What I’m about to go over right now are the common mistakes EVERYONE seems to be making these days… These are the kinds of mistakes that make readers, producers, agents, et al shake their head, role their eyes, and most importantly, PASS on your screenplay.

Location descriptions…

Do your research! Don’t use an incorrect name for a location when, in less than 5 minutes you can find the correct terminology on the internet. If you’re describing a bowling alley, go to a bowling alley and ask the names of everything that you’re not sure of… If you’re describing an automobile factory, don’t be vague about the equipment and make us guess what you’re talking about…

Keep your descriptions brief yet visual so we can see in our minds exactly what you’re describing. Avoid excessive description for any location unless it is absolutely germane to the story. Just give us a taste. Try to use descriptions that not only describe the location but set the mood you’re trying to get us to feel.

If you absolutely must use the same location for a large part of your screenplay, try like hell to mix it up! Don’t use all exterior or interior locations. Switch back and forth. Don’t use all day or all night – switch back and forth. Don’t have your characters always sitting in the same places… Move them around. Make them play with stuff while the action takes place. Have them open a window, turn on a light, slam a door, look for something that’s lost, smell their clothes on the floor… LOL. Make something happen instead of showing us talking heads.

Characters…

Don’t take an entire paragraph to describe your character… Keep it brief and select the PERFECT words to describe their appearance AS WELL AS their overall attitude. Only describe clothing and hair if it’s important for us to know i.e., has something to do with the story. Stay away from the cliché descriptions I keep reading like, “tall and handsome” or “stunning and beautiful.” Mix it up and make it interesting… How about “deviously gorgeous” or “chiseled features?” Just like describing locations, give us a picture AND a mood. In fact, location and character descriptions are about the ONLY PLACE where it’s acceptable to tell us something we cannot see to give us an emotional feeling about the location or character.

Age and sex. I can’t tell you how many times screenwriters fail to include this OH SO BASIC information. On top of that, unless an action by a character is once again, germane to the story, try to be consistent with the actions of the characters after you’ve told us their age and sex. Of course it’s okay to have your character do something OUT of character… That’s a part of good storytelling but don’t bounce your character all over the place for no apparent reason or you’ll only succeed in confusing us. In other words, don’t have your 36 year old male character hanging out with 14 and 15 year olds at the local skate park unless it has something to do with the story. Make your character’s actions and dialogue consistent with their age and sex. It’s unbelievable for us to hear a 50 year old woman say something like, “What’s up Dude?” –Unless of course there’s a REASON for her to do that. Be consistent. Don’t assume that we know the age and sex of your characters because of their actions, dialogue, and names.

Dialogue…

Whew… This is a big one! First the basic rule… Good dialogue is used to move the story forward, reveal character, and provide backstory when necessary. Don’t have your characters tell us the story we never read about in your screenplay. Don’t have your characters draw conclusions about anything unless you’ve shown us the same information they are drawing their conclusions from. Don’t try to rewrite the English language i.e, don’t try to write out a southern drawl… That’s confusing. Stick “southern drawl” in a parenthetical. Which brings me to parentheticals… Don’t direct your characters. Don’t have your characters PREACH to us! Don’t use your characters to tell us what YOUR OPINIONS are. If you want to explore a particular theme in your story, come up with ways of spoon feeding it to us instead of having your characters preach. Making your characters preach to us feels more like the WRITER has an agenda than telling a story.

Avoid ON-THE-NOSE dialogue. If you don’t know what on-the-nose dialogue is, it’s when you have your characters say EXACTLY WHAT THEY MEAN. Most people rarely say exactly what they mean and remember… A movie should be no different. As you go throughout your day, take a few minutes to really listen to the people talking to you… Hell, listen to yourself! There is almost ALWAYS subtext involved in conversation. There’s almost always a much more real meaning under the surface… Just peel it back. Your dialogue needs to be exactly the same… Even more so! On-the-nose dialogue is okay when used sparingly but it’s mostly appropriate for children, officials (like a cop stopping someone for a ticket), and when the story calls for dialogue to be absolutely on-the-nose which is not very often. Let us read between the lines. Don’t have your characters explain every detail of whatever you’ve got them talking about. Give us some credit to be able to draw OUR OWN conclusions.

Unless you’re Kevin Smith or emulating his style of screenwriting, keep it as visual as possible. Make your characters actually DO SOMETHING we can see instead of having them tell us they did it. By the same token, don’t have your characters telegraph their next move… Just move them!

Don’t let your character banter unless it has something to do with the story… There’s also no need to have each character say the character’s name they are speaking to… Most people don’t do this so don’t have your characters do it. *NOTE: Clive tells me that they actually do this quite often in his neck of the woods so I stand corrected when it comes to the U.K.

Again, no action lines in a parenthetical… That’s what action lines are for. And then, only use a parenthetical when it might be somewhat unclear as to the character’s attitude or mood… Having said that, there’s almost always a way to reveal that through the character’s dialogue…

I’m reading a lot of scripts lately where characters talk to themselves throughout the story… Wow, I don’t talk to myself… I think thoughts… I type thoughts… But RARELY do I actually talk to myself… DO YOU? It’s simply not believable unless the character is a mental patient. It’s okay to occasionally have your characters say something to themselves… Normally, they might shout a cuss word or even remember something short that someone told them… But please… No discussions with themselves unless it is important to the story.
 
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Common screenwriting mistakes… Part 2.

Unless you’re as good as Quentin Tarantino, it’s usually not a good idea to have your character REPEAT what another character JUST TOLD THEM. We don’t need this reiteration.

Don’t show and then tell. Just show. In other words, don’t have your character physically do something and then have him or her tell somebody what they just did.

Try to avoid excessive use of voiceovers unless your story is being told throughout by a voiceover. Showing is always better than telling… That’s why they call them motion pictures and not telling pictures.

This goes back to locations but is just as important for dialogue… Don’t write a couple of pages of dialogue without breaking it up with some action lines. Move your characters around during their discussions. Figure out ways to have MORE than just the conversation going on. If you can parallel the conversation with the action, go for it. In this regard, SHOW and TELL but don’t tell what you’ve already shown.

Try to keep your dialogue short and to the point… No banter. No polite greetings. Get in and get out. Don’t take 3 or 4 instances of dialogue to have your character get to the point…

Give your characters a DISTINCT VOICE. You cannot simply assume that having different actors playing your characters will be enough to give them their own distinct voice. YOU have to give them their own distinct voice. A great way to see if you’ve given your characters a distinct voice is to cover their names and read several of the characters’ lines of dialogue out loud. Do they all sound the same? Do they all create sentences the same? This is an extreme example of course but take the character, YODA… If I were to read several of his lines out loud, you would immediately know who this character is. That’s what you need to strive for.

Action Lines…

Avoid internal thought whenever possible. We can’t see this happening. We do not want to create a “dejected look” in our minds for your character. Reveal this change of emotion through an actual action and dialogue.

The general rule is… If you can’t actually shoot it, LEAVE IT OUT. If you feel that there’s something internal we absolutely must know, you need to figure out a way to present it to us visually, through dialogue, or both.

Keep direction of your characters to an absolute minimum. There’s no need to tell us every facial gesture, body movement, etc… Leave something for the actors to do!

If you’ve already got it in the scene heading, no need to repeat it in an action line.

Stay away from all the “we see” and “we hear” description. Just describe it as it is.

Ever heard of SPELL CHECK? You’d be surprised at how many people forget they even have it. You’d also be surprised at how many readers be they producers, directors, actors, agents, and actual readers consider this a pet peeve of theirs. Would a house painter leave the trim unpainted? Would a mechanic leave out the sparkplugs after he does a tune-up on your car? Using spell check will catch the majority of your misspellings but even then, there are always those typos that you have to find by actually reading through. One of my own problems is using “know” when I should have used “no.” I usually find at least 2 of these in my first drafts but I can only find them by reading through the entire screenplay.

Passive voice vs. Active voice. Passive voice is WEAK. Active voice is STRONG. Enough said.

Verbs. Does your character walk, run, jump, open, and close when he or she could dart, speed, leap, burst, and slam? Choose the appropriate verb for the appropriate action.

Action paragraphs. Try to keep them down to 3 or 4 lines instead of going on and on and on. Readers love white space… In fact, almost every professional I know will flip through a script to see how much white space is there. They know the more white space, the faster the read and hopefully, an enjoyable read.

Character consistency… Be sure to let us know what characters are in a location when you write that passage… Don’t just pop a character in there that we didn’t know was there to begin with unless you give them some kind of entrance… Too confusing and bogs down the reading.

Flashbacks…

If you absolutely must use them, learn how to properly format them. BEGIN FLASHBACK, then a blank line… Describe the flashback with as few action lines as possible and then another blank line and end the flashback with END FLASHBACK. Then ONLY use a flashback when it is absolutely important and critical to the story… Generally, if there’s a different way to reveal the same information, it is better to do so.

Clichés…

I know we all think in clichés but wow… They really bog down the reading of a screenplay. Make your characters real by creating backstory on them. Don’t simply copy what you’ve seen in the movies already. We want authentic characters not the same characters we saw in some other movie. They were fine for that other movie… Not in yours. Same goes for cliché locations, descriptions, and dialogue. Be different. Be ORIGINAL. Create the new cliché that everybody else ends up copying!

Which brings me back to distinctness… Make every character distinctly different from all the other characters in your screenplay.

Conflict…

Wow… Do you get along with everybody? Sure, we all try but let’s face it… We don’t. So why does everyone get along in your screenplay? Create conflict whenever possible. That’s what we want to see. We don’t go to the movies to see our own daily lives… We want to live vicariously through the characters you’ve created for us so take us on a wild ride!

Contrast…

Contrast your characters… Make them obviously different from one another. We’ll immediately see it and you’ll hook us into the story just a bit more…
 
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Common screenwriting mistakes… Part 3.

Get a life…

Do you have a life? Do your friends? Your associates? Then be nice and give your character a life too! LOL. Seriously, a lot of characters in screenplays I read seem like they have no life other than what they’ve created in their own minds. Boring. Show us how they interact with people. Show us how they work, where they work, who they work with… Do they have a hobby? Do they do something other than talk? Show us. My wife recently DRAGGED me to FAILURE TO LAUNCH. I was pleasantly surprised by the movie… Lots of conflict and the main character had quite a full life. Scenes took place on a yacht, rock climbing, surfing, etc… The characters had lives!

Know your character…

It’s not enough to know when your characters were born… What their current job is. How well do you know your friends and family? You should know your characters AT LEAST as well as you know your friends and family. Probably BETTER. Just like you would probably know your brother’s reaction to something, so should you know your character’s reaction to the same thing. Create backstory on them with complete details since they were born. You may never actually use any of this information in your screenplay but you'll go a long way towards KNOWING your characters and making them authentic. Know them as well as you know anyone and we will see an authentic character that doesn’t bore us.

Change…

Make your characters change by the end of your story… This is usually called your character’s ARC. The easiest way to show change in a character is to go in the completely opposite direction from where the character originates… Think transformation. If your character is sad, make him happy. If she’s dishonest, make her honest. Opposites are fairly easy to develop so work it in… There are of course other types of internal change… Just remember that we’re talking about some kind of internal growth. It doesn’t have to be opposite. It can be subtle as well. Just make sure your character changes… If you’re writing a tragedy, this is a little more difficult but generally speaking you can still work by going in the opposite direction… Start out happy, end in sadness.

Format…

Remember, we’re talking spec script here… Not a shooting script. No need to include things in your scene heading like, CONTINUOUS, DUSK, MOMENTS LATER, DAWN, etc… Just use DAY or NIGHT. And, while it’s acceptable to insert DAY or NIGHT after every slug line, nowdays, you only need insert it in a new slug line when it actually changes from day to night or from night to day. Readers are smart enough to know that it’s still day or night until they see a new slug line that tells them different.

CONTINUED…

No need to use this utility in your screenwriting program. It just wastes space and we know when we finish reading a page that unless it’s the end of the script, we are continuing with the story…

CUT TO:

No need for this… Just use a new slug line to indicate a new location. If you want to show some passage of time you can use DISSOLVE TO: -- FADE TO BLACK -- FADE OUT -- or something similar only when necessary and we won’t get it any other way…

Camera direction…

You’re trying to sell a script not direct on paper. Get rid of it.

UPPER CASE or CAPITALIZATION…

Capitalize all sounds. Capitalize all props important to the story. Capitalize any character’s name when first introducing them but after doing so, just capitalize the first letter of their first name and the first letter of their last name IF you must use their last when bringing them back in the story.

Orphans and Widows…

Never end a page with a slug line and no action line underneath. If you’re at the bottom of a page, either skip to the next page or extend the page but don’t orphan or widow the slug line.

Character cues…

Same here. Never show a character’s name without some dialogue under the name.

Secondary slugs…

Sometimes called minor slugs… Always start a slug line with the master location and then, as you move within that location, use a secondary slug to let us know where your characters are.

For example…

EXT. COURTYARD – DAY

John stomps through the garden, toward the gate…

GATE

He body slams his way through…


No need for an entirely new master slug line…

Page numbers...

Same font as the rest of the screenplay… Upper right hand corner. Use ‘em.

Which brings me to the FONT you should use. A lot of people say to use Courier New. Sure, go ahead and use it but it’s certainly not the only font you can use… I personally like the older style “g” so I use a font called VTScreenplayOliverB. I also use Courier Final Draft because it’s darker than Courier New. You can also tweak the darkness of your font within some screenwriting programs… No matter what you use, it should be similar to Courier New in its look and proportion but contrary to popular belief, you do not always have to use Courier New. By the same token, you should never use a font that does not look like some kind of typewriter font. And, if you’re going to use a font that looks like a typewriter font, make sure it’s a proportional font i.e., all the letters are evenly spaced apart.

Page count…

Everybody in the business seems to love 110 pages. However, it’s still okay to go as high as 120 but boy that screenplay had better be outstanding. First thing everybody does is flip to the end of a script to see how many pages… Anything more than 110 gets lower on the reading priority list… LOL. By the same token, any script under 90 pages gets the immediate NOT ENOUGH STORY scrutiny.

Overall story…

You’ve got to put your character through obstacles, complications, twists, and reversals. These are the foundation of SHIT MOUNTAIN. Your Protagonist has to climb Shit Mountain to get to where he or she’s going… The higher he or she climbs, the shittier it gets and the harder it is to reach the top.

Consistent emotion with consistent action...
Your characters should never simply start crying or get angry unless the situation in your story calls for it. Match emotions with the situation.

Predictability…

Will I read your screenplay and know what’s going to happen next? Will I keep reading and keep being able to predict what happens next? Not good.

Hook me in 10 pages or less…

If you don’t, why do I want to read on?

Set-ups and pay-offs...

Are you using them? Are you setting something up and then failing to pay off?

Structure...

Hero’s Journey. 3 Act Structure. 4 Act Structure. 5 Act Structure. 9 Act Structure. Find one you like… Learn it and use it.

Questions and answers within the plot…

Are you raising questions and eventually answering them? Doing this is plot continuity. Do it.

Protagonist’s motivation to achieve goal…

Is it clear? Did you lock your protagonist into achieving his or her goal or can they simply run back home at any time throughout the story?

Rooting for your Protagonist…

Do we want your Protagonist to succeed? Did you make him or her sympathetic? Do we even like him or her? Do we feel for him or her? Think about it.

Do you know the difference between “its” and “it’s” ??? You should… You’re a writer.

This list is not exhaustive by a long shot but it is a list of the mistakes I see most often and to be honest, there’s no reason to have them if you’re really hoping to sell your script…

filmy
 
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Thanks...

CootDog said:
Filmy,

Awesome information. I haven't been able to read the entire thing but from what I've read, it is good stuff.

knightly said:
Great stuff, this is getting added to my filmmaking library!

cnomad3d said:
I appreciate the insider's point of view. I am working on my 7th draft of a screenplay right now and I still hate it! Your helpful hints will help immensely.

Glad to help! If I wasn't clear about something or just barely scratched the surface... Don't hesitate to ask questions or PM me if you'd rather not do so in a thread... Always glad to help...

filmy
 
Great info as usual, nice to see it all lumped together in one massive hit as well.

*NOTE: Clive tells me that they actually do this quite often in his neck of the woods so I stand corrected when it comes to the U.K

This relates to using people's names in dialogue ... if your character is British it's not uncommon for us to use a person's name in conversation to increase the level of either intimacy in a conversation or to underline the significance of the content.

For example...

JOHN
I think we should try formula X.

Could be interpreted in any number of ways, John may not be sure about usign formula X.

If John says

JOHN
I think we should try formula X, Mary.

The statement is more emphatic... if you're English. It becomes obvious that the stressor in the sentence is either the word SHOULD or TRY.

I think issues like this highlight filmy's point about, on one hand not writing in a particular accent, but at the same time recognising that different people use the same words differently and also that the significane they place on them is different.

So it's possible to tell who a character is just by how they structure sentences.
 
Oh, and another thing, a hint really.

As most of you know, I'm mildly dyslexic so SPELL CHECK is and always has been the name of the game, but like Filmy said it's prone to overlook certain errors [ie wrong word, but not a non-word]

For all you Final Draft users there's a speech function built into the software!

Most people don't use it, after all who wants to hear their script read by Robbie the Robot! :lol:

But, it's great for proof reading, because an error you might miss when reading stands out like dogs balls when it's spoken!

It's in menu TOOLS/SPEECH CONTROL

As a dyslexic writer I have to do these things, along with getting other people to proof read my scripts as well!

I've found it a useful tool, hope you find the same.

Oh, and it's also a great way to check your punctuation on dialogue!
 
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Thanks for the Secondary Slug! One piece of the script structure puzzle I've been struggling with. I think I'll still go on using DAY or NIGHT on every slug though, stories run over any length of days and nights, and I don't want any confusion, no matter how much credit is due the almighty reader. Was reading the old tome "Adventures in the Screen Trade" (William Goldman), and he made the point that you shouldn't define the ages of your leads too strictly, you may put off a potential talent or producer ("60? I could maybe play 55 but never 60- pass."), especially when ego about actual age is involved.
 
Was reading the old tome "Adventures in the Screen Trade" (William Goldman), and he made the point that you shouldn't define the ages of your leads too strictly, you may put off a potential talent or producer ("60? I could maybe play 55 but never 60- pass."), especially when ego about actual age is involved.

I always rewrite descriptions, including ages, to suit the NAME the script is going to! It's a five second rewrite.
 
I always rewrite descriptions, including ages, to suit the NAME the script is going to!

Sorry about my poor use of the language, used NAMES in the generic sense to mean TALENT (Actors) ... I wasn't NAME dropping. :abduct:

This is what happens when I don't proof read!
 
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