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What do you think of this high concept?

I was reading filejumper view on high concept and it was very informing, hopefully my next screenplay fits the bill. I just need to know if i'm going the right direction. A description would be, " Discontent with the current situation a group of men decide to take over the united states of america". Well, what do you think? Also i have, i thought to but 13 pages on attachment. I would really appreciate some feed back, i didn't get any on my first post. It's the first draft. I have the attachment under max70 just below this post, thanks.
 
'sup, good Max :cool:

I was really confused about the attachment 'til I realised you meant it was attached to the other thread, found here.

I'll read it over the weekend, and report back. :)

Glad you found FilmJumper's posts useful; he's a smart cookie.
 
Yeah, filmy is one of my heros. He made my Christmas card list too. ;) Thanks again bud.

I'll assume by 'current situation' you mean the state of the USA right now.

To take over the whole USA? How big is this group? Ever see, "The Mouse That Roared"? It's a comedy but worth watching, especially if you like Peter Sellers. I don't have a problem with the concept. It will take a bit of research I think. How do you take over the USA? Certainly not without two of the armed forces on your side. Maybe a secret Confederate army, they keep warning us the South with rise again. Maybe a small group get hold of a WMD (like in The Mouse That Roared).

You know, there is a perfectly legal way to take over our federal government. Maybe they tap into that. I don't see a problem with the concept except to say it might be hard to write the script without it coming off as a two hour diatribe.
 
Is it HIGH CONCEPT? Hell yeah! With a well written script you could turn quite a few heads with that concept.

But that is the key, isn't it. From the attachment you posted elsewhere, I see that you have a basic handling of Script Structure.

My advice, keep developing your writing and this idea. Listen to people like Filmy when he posts. Read every bit of Screenplay writing literature you can find. Read Books like 'The Screenwriter's Bible" and "Story." Become a great screenwriter and sell that monstrously HIGH CONCEPT idea.

Poke
 
things to consider

I know this is a rough first draft, maybe i should of wait for some rewrites but i basically wanted an opinion on the first pages, does it capture your attention. I know I will have to make the rewrites, I hope this doesn't appear like I'M trying to be lazy, I know writing is hard work. I completed another script which was rewritten, I'll send that one later to see what you guys think.
 
I hope this doesn't appear like I'M trying to be lazy
I don't think that, youthful exuberance maybe. ;)

I'm not trying to slam you or your ideas, just a friendly FYI, always put your best effort into anything you publicly show. Maybe that's just me. The fact that you actually answered my other post instead of running off crying says a lot about you. ;) Nobody is born knowing how to write. It's like learning to talk, you hear other people do it, so you pick it up too. The more you read the better you'll write. If you want to write short stories you don't pick up a copy of one act plays. Screenplays are all over the Internet, google them and read them. They're wonderful, well some of them are but you can learn from the bad ones too.
 
Thanks guys.

The concept for this story is, a combination of animal farm, lenin, nazis, pharmacutical companies, corporate american, military, politicians the terrorist and of course vengance. I thought of this situation and how they all interact with each other. The current news and the best selling books but what caught me was my study of history about how any government can be overthrown with calculation and taking advantage of the current situations of our time.

In a world gone mad Alex Carrera is thrown into web of deceit and destruction. In the current situation of our country men of power will make one more attempt for another america revolution to overthrow the united states government. Alex may be our only hope.

Hopefully this wakes it clearer. Also, i thought of a title, THE CORPORATION or CORPORATION AMERICA. i thought of this but it's out there, YEAR OF THE IGUANA.I think someone has it but, i'm aiming for something like that. I'm trying to touch the right buttons here. I'll write a synopsis also to get some of your opinions. Thanks for the feedback poke.
 
Structure...

max70 said:
Thanks guys.

The concept for this story is, a combination of animal farm, lenin, nazis, pharmacutical companies, corporate american, military, politicians the terrorist and of course vengance. I thought of this situation and how they all interact with each other. The current news and the best selling books but what caught me was my study of history about how any government can be overthrown with calculation and taking advantage of the current situations of our time.

In a world gone mad Alex Carrera is thrown into web of deceit and destruction. In the current situation of our country men of power will make one more attempt for another america revolution to overthrow the united states government. Alex may be our only hope.

Hopefully this wakes it clearer. Also, i thought of a title, THE CORPORATION or CORPORATION AMERICA. i thought of this but it's out there, YEAR OF THE IGUANA.I think someone has it but, i'm aiming for something like that. I'm trying to touch the right buttons here. I'll write a synopsis also to get some of your opinions. Thanks for the feedback poke.
A synopsis is fine and I definitely recommend that you write one but even more important to me is some kind of an outline...

I outline all my ideas according to my own structure theory because it works for me and I'm comfortable with it. You should decide NOW what kind of structure you are comfortable with and then create an outline, beat sheet, 3 X 5 cards, outlining program (whatever works for you), and get your ENTIRE STORY CONCEPT down so all you have to do is write from plot point to plot point.

One thing I've learned over the years and especially recently is that NOBODY will argue with sound structure. Your dialogue might be on the nose, your characters might be a little flat, etc. but if your structure is SOUND, that is 90% of the battle!

I know screenwriting friends who are making BIG BUCKS who structure their story like crazy. Plug all the holes and make it as perfect as possible before writing the script.

The execution doesn't go that well but the structure is SOLID. People see and get a feeling for the story INSTEAD of wondering what the hell they're reading.

Structure your story. Make it solid. Get it right and get it tight. Then, even if the rest of the screenplay isn't up to par with the structure, THAT part can be fixed because you have a real story.

Worse case scenario, if you've structured a great story but the script is mediocre, they can always get someone else to rewrite the damn thing but guess what? Your structure will be so fucking great that you still get the SCREENPLAY BY credit.

Yet another benefit of sound structure. LOL.

Trying to write the screenplay without having most of the story already figured out is stabbing in the dark. Eventually, you hit a vein and move forward but not after a lot of stabbing. LOL.

Often, my characters will NOT let me take them down the roadmap I made for them to follow. They grow to be people like you... Like me... They want to make their own decisions so don't worry about them following your structure to a tee... They usually do when you finally take a step back and look at everything you have but let your characters explore.

Form, NOT formula.

Get them to follow your map as best you can no matter how many pages it takes OR how many detours your characters have to make before following the map. Get it down.

Without the map however, you're experimenting... None of us can read your 10 pages and tell you if you really have a story there but I can say the concept sounds INTRIGUING. I probably shouldn't say this but I have a screenplay that's similar.

Some high powered politicians figure out a way to take over the presidency on the day of the inaugeration. There IS in fact, a way to do this. I found out about it quite by accident and did some research and BAM wrote the script. So yes, you do have a high concept idea.

The outline or structure map is the hardest thing to do and even harder to sit down and commit to. It's just easier to start writing and make shit up.

Don't do that...

Create a story first -- then write a story second.

Good luck!

filmy
 
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Thanks filmjumper, I appreciate your your time and feedback. I have written another screenplay, it took me a couple of drafts, i read several books and audio. Syd field was good at first but story by robert mcgee was great. However my screenplay awesome world's first draft was written before i read story. I probably did 3 to 4 drafts on this one. i once sent it to the forum and got a few good and some really bad, so I rewrote it again after that i was totally exhasted with this script and needed to put it away for awhile it just took to much from me, i guess because i was to personally involved. I wrote it in a manner in which i wanted to make a small independent digital film so i tried to limit the locations and tried to focus on the characters and story.

To make a long story short it was a bad financial year, trying to start my own business but now things are going well. It took me away from writing, funny all the time i just kept thinking about writing and movies, it's hard to keep away from this, you know every time you see a movie, you keep saying to yourself i could do this. It's been months and i have to pick up again, get back on the forum, go to seminara, read and just surround myself with people who have the same interest to motivate myself for the hard work ahead.

I have wrote an outline for the corporation first draft. i was just trying to get myself back in the game again with some feedback. So far I'm getting told it's a high concept, good. I thought of one of the characters in corporation for alec baldwin, i think he could really pull it off the way micheal douglass did on wall street. However thinking about it now reading your post, go for tom cruise or brad pitt, that would be a stretch but mike pulled it off on wall street so who knows.

I'll send my other completed script after work, later.
 
Visualize...

max70 said:
Thanks filmjumper, I appreciate your your time and feedback. I have written another screenplay, it took me a couple of drafts, i read several books and audio. Syd field was good at first but story by robert mcgee was great. However my screenplay awesome world's first draft was written before i read story. I probably did 3 to 4 drafts on this one. i once sent it to the forum and got a few good and some really bad, so I rewrote it again after that i was totally exhasted with this script and needed to put it away for awhile it just took to much from me, i guess because i was to personally involved. I wrote it in a manner in which i wanted to make a small independent digital film so i tried to limit the locations and tried to focus on the characters and story.

To make a long story short it was a bad financial year, trying to start my own business but now things are going well. It took me away from writing, funny all the time i just kept thinking about writing and movies, it's hard to keep away from this, you know every time you see a movie, you keep saying to yourself i could do this. It's been months and i have to pick up again, get back on the forum, go to seminara, read and just surround myself with people who have the same interest to motivate myself for the hard work ahead.

I have wrote an outline for the corporation first draft. i was just trying to get myself back in the game again with some feedback. So far I'm getting told it's a high concept, good. I thought of one of the characters in corporation for alec baldwin, i think he could really pull it off the way micheal douglass did on wall street. However thinking about it now reading your post, go for tom cruise or brad pitt, that would be a stretch but mike pulled it off on wall street so who knows.

I'll send my other completed script after work, later.
I go through a couple of days here and there where I am not able to write. I mean actual writing of the screenplay but don't ever let that stop you. Everywhere I go, I walk around with a pocket full of 3 X 5 cards. I see something and BAM! It sparks some kind of scene for me. It might not even be for the movie I'm writing! I also take my little $20 digital recorder with me... It holds 2 hours. Armed with the recorder and 3 X 5 cards, I can just about go anywhere and "write" i.e., explore, brainstorm, experiment, etc.

I have basically a first draft sitting in front of me right now that needs a rewrite. The good news is that I'm getting paid to rewrite it. I'm in the same boat. I don't want to even look at it so I just keep visualizing with my cards and recorder, making notes... I did rewrite one small area and even though that part came out really well, I was repulsed by the script the entire time. This is just my internal mass telling me to LEAVE IT ALONE! YOU'RE TOO CLOSE TO IT RIGHT NOW! I just got some notes back on this script and a small part of me wants to go back to work but the larger part says LEAVE IT ALONE.

I was excited this time around so I broke my rule. Luckily, it turned out okay but I am not looking at this thing until the 1st of October. In the meantime, I'll create a new outline. Visualize some new scenes, record and transcribe them down to cards... By October 1st, I'll be ready to go.

I guess what I'm saying is that you can be working on a screenplay without actually writing it. And, it's great to have everything worked out on paper, cards, or software but WOW, if it's worked out on paper, cards, or software AND your head, you're way ahead of the game... The script is like sitting the food out after you've cooked the Thanksgiving dinner... All the hard work is complete.

I would be happy to look at your script when I get the chance but it probably wouldn't be till sometime in October and make some notes for you on it... If that works for you, let me know... I would prefer it emailed to me instead of having to download it. That way I can bag and tag the email for later perusal...

If you want to do that, PM me...

Good luck!

filmy
 
Thanks for the info filmy, i sent my first completed screenplay on this forum you'll see it. I definetly will take your advice. I have to let it dissolve in mind for a minute. I'm going to start thinking high concept, good structure and good story. This is a business and we have to think the way the players do. Returning to to this forum again, i learned a lot.
 
Filmy,
how about starting a thread on it?
that way when ever someone goes 'oooh, that sounds great' you don't have to start again with them - its all up there for them to see.
we could post questions on the thread and you could answer them on the thread.
its time for that thread, oh guru!
(pretty please)
 
Your draft kept me interested, thats a good sign. Though I was lost on the sequence of events, or what was really going on. Have you written a premise ?

keep churning out material, its got legs so far.
 
Thanks Krishna
The beginning was at a church because the young man went through an experience which will lead him to believe any deviency is possible. The premise is based on the shootout, it is briefly showing the world they live in, I wanted to go in that direction.
 
I'm from nj and we do have resources in this area also. I wrote a completed screenplay, I didn't have anyone look at it in the forum, do you mind reading the first ten pages and give me your opinion, it's written a couple of post down with the attachment.
 
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