• READ BEFORE POSTING!
    • If posting a video, please post HERE, unless it is a video as part of an advertisement and then post it in this section.
    • If replying to threads please remember this is the Promotion area and the person posting may not be open to feedback.

watch "Nicky's Day Out" - First short film.

Ahoy there mates,

As I'm sure you all can tell from my join date, I'm new here... so as a way to deem myself 'worthy' to the Indietalk forums God I figured I should at least post one of my works. A comedy about a little boy and his quirky adventure :P

With that said, here it is: http://www.swigged.net/files/NickysDayOut.wmv - Enjoy!

Feel free to tell me what you think of it (how it can be improved, what you liked, disliked, etc)

Thanks :D
-Kowal
 
Wow! Nicky sure isn't having a good day at all! :lol:

Lots of good things going for this; a few things need attention.

_______

It reminded me a lot of the PeeWee Herman movies.

Great shot of Nicky getting out of bed, then feet hitting the floor.

Constant bully was great. (Was expecting "comedy comes in three's")

The kissing scene was hilarious. PeeWee did a similar thing in "Big Top PeeWee" which a lot of adults didn't get... lasted over two minutes. The pan in your shot wasn't so smooth... better tripod, maybe.

Very dodgy edits, when returning the wallet... especially with sound. "How'd you get this?" was clearly repeated along with some funky background noise. You can use "J-cuts" and "L-cuts" (J & L are similar cuts; just reversed) to solve edit problems like that.

Surrealism strikes again when Nicky gets his reward... I was not expecting that. :lol:

Clown sequence was kinda odd. Odd in a good way, but also irrelavent in many others.

The ending sure came out of the blue.

_______

You have a lot of great situations & events happening.

The thing is... they don't really tie together at all. There are many random, funny things happening. They are funny/bizarre in their own right... it just doesn't flow.

Nicky is a victim of circumstance. He's not looking for anything, or seeking closure, or accomplishing anything.

If you need a crash-course in story development, begin with this. There are better books out there, but for really nailing the basics it's as good a place to start as any. It's a bit irreverant, but it makes its point.

Also... do more cutting. A lot more. When you think you've cut enough... cut some more. You could easily cut that to 6:00 from 7:44 without missing a beat. I think even a 5:00 mark (with titles/credits) is possible. Most of the cut material would be the journey Nicky takes, while travelling from situation to situation.

______

Overall, a very funny film. Needs some tweaking, but that's why we're all here to start with. ;)
 
Back
Top