Well, Here it is. My first movie. Check it out and tell me what you think. I hope you have as muck fun watching it as we had making it.

I would like to just say thank you to Steven Richards (Zensteve), for all the help he gave me on this project. I don't think I could have completed this without him.

http://www.davidament.com/films/healthnut.wmv

http://www.davidament.com/films/healthnut_poster.jpg

David--very cool! Its a nice, simple idea...and you made it work. It's good that you did not overdo it. You had up to five minutes for the contest, but you were wise to keep it concise... you conveyed the point without overkilling it. Great first effort!

Thanks Bophe, I'm glad you liked it. We had a couple ideas brewing for this one. Some of them didn't pan out, but in the end we thought exactly that. Keep it simple. And most of all have fun. We Had A Good Time.

Great job, dudarino!
As an avid smoker, I must say I enjoyed the ending, where "good" triumphs!!
Very good!

Nice job! A perfect Cali nut!

Chris

Haha.. I think they found pieces of him back in an iowa cornfield somewhere :P

made me laugh.. nice film!

Not bad for a first timer. This is the first thing you've done ever? Christ... maybe I should've entered. The ending was hilarious. I love quick goofy chaos like the jogger getting hit. It was also nice and clear. Kudos on not going too crazy for your first time 'round!

Yes, This was my first. I might dwelve in a little deeper next time. i did,nt want to be to abitious for this one. You absolutly should enter somthing in the future

This is the first thing you've done ever? Christ... maybe I should've entered.

I hope you will, the next time IndieTalk ramps this up.

This is more an exercise in learning from the experience, than placing some "finished perfection" on the screen. :cool:

Everyone who entered this challenge learned alot about the basics, or pushed the boundaries of what they already knew. I see a lot of winners here, no matter what the judges announce or the popular vote proclaims.

:yes:

dament, nice first time job doing a short film.I really enjoyed this one and a few laughs in there as well. Didn't know Zen directed and helped with this one. He was pulling double duties. :P It was shot very nice and it was a good change to see a color short this round. The colors were nice a bright. I like how all the actors did...well expect for Zen. Just kidding.

Buttom line-Don't smoke and run! http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_28_112.gif

dament, if this is what joggers are like in LA, then this film further cements my opinion that Austin is the LA of Texas.

Funny stuff, I especially like your jogging gate. Plus I always knew Zen was pure evil...did you see what he was doing to the Ozone wiht all those cigars?

Poke

Thanks Cohen, I'm glad you liked it. Yes, Steve was pulling double duty on this. I think I drove him nuts. The man is amazing. I learned a lot on this. I am looking forward to the next one, I know more of what to do now.

We were using a Sony Digital 8 on this, and for some reason it realy picks up colors well, espescially the reds and greens.


DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR HEALTH NUT. :)

Thanks Poke, I have been to Austin, and yes I felt like I was back in California with all the nuts.

The jog was somthing I tried out, and It felt so wierd unatural and stupid that I new it had to be done that way.


DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR HEALTH NUT. :)

I adored the music in this one. Not exactly sure why but as soon as the music began I started giggling. I also loved the way the health nut jogged. Head held high and a lightness in his steps, just makes me want to sing out "tra-la-la tra-la-la":lol:

I adored the music in this one. Not exactly sure why but as soon as the music began I started giggling. I also loved the way the health nut jogged. Head held high and a lightness in his steps, just makes me want to sing out "tra-la-la tra-la-la":lol:


Thanks Mike, I felt a little light in the loafers while doing the jog, but I hoped it would make people hate or be discusted with the character more. I started gettting a little to comfortable though wich weirded me out.

I agree on the music I started laughing the first time I heard it too, I have to stop myself from humming along.



DON'T FORGET TO VOTE FOR HEALTH NUT.:)

It was a lot of fun making this. :)

I got so sick trying to keep all those cigars lit.

Btw, that's how Dave runs normally. No acting required.

Btw, that's how Dave runs normally. No acting required.

I figured as much. the mere fact that he had the headband handy was evidence.

Poke

I figured as much. the mere fact that he had the headband handy was evidence.

Poke

Damnit, you guys found me out!!

That also explains your mysterious trip to Austin.

Poke

Funny stuff Dave! Very nice for your first film. Both you and Steve had me laughing just from the dialogue and the ways you delivered your lines.

the ways you delivered your lines.

You're ruinin' my fun and my good time!

Poke

Funny stuff Dave! Very nice for your first film. Both you and Steve had me laughing just from the dialogue and the ways you delivered your lines.

Thanks EDM17, I thought I would be getting beat up a little more on my first one.

Time to release the hounds... http://www.stevenrichards.com/images/smiley_creepy.gif

I am eagerly anticipating some constructive critisism on this short, I know I have a lot to learn. Everybody has been realy nice so far, and please continue if you feel so compeled.

If anyone would be willing to give me any hints or ideas about what worked and what didn't I would be very willing to listen.
:)

Some cartoony sound effects would have gone a long way...

Record scratch when the music abruptly stops, a sproing at the impact... needs some extra foley sounds, too, especially when squishing the first cig.

The long jog in the park could have been cut a bit shorter without losing its impact.

Music was perfect, I thought whoever chose that made an excellent choice. http://www.stevenrichards.com/images/smiley_happycat.gif

The dialogue of the driver should be redubbed... possibly the HN dialogue, too, as that came out a little echoey. (But not too bad)

Lastly, the house looks a little run down in the beginning. :idea: Paint it.

Steve, Great ideas. Particularly the cartoony sound effects. I hadn't even considered the squishing cig sound.

You are absolutly right about the drivers dialogue. I knew that going in. I did'nt feel we had time to fix it before deadline.

I was thinking about pestering you in the next week or two to try any avr that.

Just watched it...

To be honest, I was getting a little bored...

Then WHAM!

Loved the ending... The guy got what he deserved...

I also thought the jogging seemed a little long but it would have been fine if you would have mixed it up a bit with some other shots of the guy running instead of letting him run in the frame... Don't be afraid to use that camera... Coverage... Closeups.... etc. I think with some more running footage inserted with different angles the running would move right along...

I didn't like the dialog too much... I would have gone for more subtext... Have your character MEAN the same thing but using different dialog that really SMACKS! For example... I just read a script today that had a great scene of dialog... One of the lines was:

Drive it like you stole it!

Instead of the usual ON THE NOSE example...

Please drive this car really fast.

See the difference? Since the runner didn't have too much dialog, I would rather hear something that SMACKS!

All in all, great first film. Great ending. Well done.

filmy

Thanks for the feedback, Mr Filmy :)

Odd you mention subtext... that is what we are learning about at our next acting class. It appears to be important, so we'll be taking notes. Hopefully it will help us improve. :cool:

The idea behind this was the concept that "comedy comes in threes".

Action
Action
Expected action is changed.

We'll be looking for a way to balance the needed repetition of events with keeping the dialogue fresher, in the future.

:P

Cool film.

Just watched it...

To be honest, I was getting a little bored...

Then WHAM!

Loved the ending... The guy got what he deserved...

I also thought the jogging seemed a little long but it would have been fine if you would have mixed it up a bit with some other shots of the guy running instead of letting him run in the frame... Don't be afraid to use that camera... Coverage... Closeups.... etc. I think with some more running footage inserted with different angles the running would move right along...

I didn't like the dialog too much... I would have gone for more subtext... Have your character MEAN the same thing but using different dialog that really SMACKS! For example... I just read a script today that had a great scene of dialog... One of the lines was:

Drive it like you stole it!




Instead of the usual ON THE NOSE example...

Please drive this car really fast.

See the difference? Since the runner didn't have too much dialog, I would rather hear something that SMACKS!

All in all, great first film. Great ending. Well done.

filmy

Filmjumper, Thank you for youre honest comments. I realy appreciate it. Great suggestions on not being afraid of the camera and using more closeups. The choice one the dialouge was to set up the last line (So did you have a good time) wich was a requirment for the competition. But, i feel you are still correct, I will need to work more on my creative writing to come up with more intresting ways of conveying a point or idea that packs some punch.

Cool film.


Thanks, Welcome to Indietalk. :)

Hi dament:

Great Irony! A wonderful satire!

Satire