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watch S E X T E E N

Unknown Screenwriter

Unknown Screenwriter

Okay, I finally got my short film uploaded... I had entered it into the state of New Mexico's Governor's Cup Film Festival and it even made the cut but somewhere along the line, they said that I neglected to give them an original minidv tape or DVD for projection... The thing is... They never called or emailed me to give one to them... As it turns out, other filmmakers in my area didn't get called either...

Anyway, I made this short specifically for the Governor's Cup. Unfortunately, I got my DVX100A the day before the shoot and I didn't know my way around the camera like I do now. The tripod I had that day also broke which required me to shoot almost everything handheld.

I could only get the two girl actors together the day before the shoot for about 2 hours of rehearsal... They're both high school girls (one is my niece) and act in drama class...

The compression is a little harsh since I don't know my way around Quicktime that well...

I'll be interesested in hearing what you think...

S E X T E E N.mov

Quicktime file...

filmy
 
before the shoot for about 2 hours of rehearsal
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Some more time would have helped, I am sure. They did okay, though.

It looks like they have done more stage acting than film/video? Lots of "big" movements.

_______

Extremely important topic covered.

The end caught me. Pretty blunt way to end it. I was thinking the omnipresent rattler would have been a suitable way to end the situation at hand, rather than introducing another chronic teen problem out of the blue.

_______

Might want to consider re-doing the title/credits. Those kinds of fonts are very hard to read on smaller screens.
 
Yup...

Zensteve said:
Some more time would have helped, I am sure. They did okay, though.

It looks like they have done more stage acting than film/video? Lots of "big" movements.

_______

Extremely important topic covered.

The end caught me. Pretty blunt way to end it. I was thinking the omnipresent rattler would have been a suitable way to end the situation at hand, rather than introducing another chronic teen problem out of the blue.

_______

Might want to consider re-doing the title/credits. Those kinds of fonts are very hard to read on smaller screens.
Click to expand...

Yeah, they've actually only done plays in high school. This was their first acting on video...

Thanks for the comments...

filmy
 
I'm also surprised California, New York, and Texas are last. They are the most populated states...hmmm...makes you think. My high school (in Texas) was chuck full of teen moms. That really surprises me. The whole list seems backwards. Is it?

It is. I googled teen pregnancy and several lists have California at #1 Texas at #8, etc. That's a big mistake. Might want to fix that.

Otherwise, I honestly only liked that house y'all filmed at. Great location. The rattler was REALLY cool, BUT you kept showing the same shot of it. The snake wouldn't have lost it's impact if the camera got closer or moved every time you cut to the rattler.

The acting was usually okay, but sometimes it seemed really fake (probably just because the ladies are stage actors using a different acting style). Great location and decent writing.
 
Actually...

LOGAN L Productions said:
I'm also surprised California, New York, and Texas are last. They are the most populated states...hmmm...makes you think. My high school (in Texas) was chuck full of teen moms. That really surprises me. The whole list seems backwards. Is it?

It is. I googled teen pregnancy and several lists have California at #1 Texas at #8, etc. That's a big mistake. Might want to fix that.

Otherwise, I honestly only liked that house y'all filmed at. Great location. The rattler was REALLY cool, BUT you kept showing the same shot of it. The snake wouldn't have lost it's impact if the camera got closer or moved every time you cut to the rattler.

The acting was usually okay, but sometimes it seemed really fake (probably just because the ladies are stage actors using a different acting style). Great location and decent writing.
Click to expand...

Actually, those are the correct stats for the pregancies...

Apparently, the way they are ranked is based on the amount of pregnancies per capita... Of course Texas and California have more teenage pregnancies than Vermont and other small states... But they are smaller states with smaller populations. In other words, there is a higher percentage of teenage pregnancies in these states. The stats are accurate.

Here's where (among other places) I got my ranking stats:

TeenPregnancy.org teenage pregnancy ranking list

TeenPregnancy.org isn't the only place I checked either... But I felt they had the most accurate stats... I too wondered about the stats when I first saw them since I come from California... But then I figured if I just copied them the way they are on TeenPregnancy.org, they would be slightly ambiguous and cause people to dig up their own stats... Apparently, it worked... LOL.

And about the snake...

That is not the same shot of the snake... I shot the snake for just under 8 minutes. That's how long he was on the defensive. I just shot him until he eventually slowed his rattling down and stopped. Zensteve had it right when he called it the omnipresent snake... It wasn't even in the script. It just happened to be there so I got some footage of it...

The shack that we shot at is an actual "hangout" for teenagers... This is where a lot of teenagers hang out, talk, and smoke dope... LOL.

As far as the acting... It is a little stiff in the beginning... It does get better at the end... But as for stage acting... Not sure what that means... I wanted them to walk around the shack... I wanted them to move within the camera frame. I hate talking heads. I find talking heads pretty boring so I had them move around. Moving them around also helped put them more at ease... Maybe this was due to their acting on stage?

As far as the story...

All I wanted to do was to elicit a reaction... Not persuade anyone to think one thing or another about the subject matter. I want them to come to their own conclusion about the subject matter. We screened it here in town about a month and a half ago and that's exactly what happened... Some people were pissed off that the girl kills herself at the end (does she?). Some people were just plain mad about teenage pregancy. Some people told me that they were going to go home and have a talk with their daughter... LOL.

So actually, I'm pretty happy with it overall... It projected well and there were a lot of gasps at the end. Everyone liked it (and no, none of the audience were family members). Like I said, I was going for a reaction be it good, bad, whatever...

filmy
 
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By "same shot" I didn't mean same clip. I just meant that the camera was in the same position every time it cut back.

Sorry about questioning your stats. I knew it was percent not number but it still seemed wrong. The site I saw had Cali at #1 but it was from 1992. I didn't think Cali would go from #1 to #50 in twelve years, but I guess it did. Plus, I can't find MY source again. It may have just been bad, but it seemed more accurate to me. I apologize.

To be honest about the "stage Acting", I was just making an excuse for the girls. Their acting was...bad at the beginning ("THIS KIND!"). It gets better in the middle. That's just my opinion, and if you are happy with your film then that's all that matters. Just an honest critique from me. Take it with a grain of salt.
 
Stage-acting is using the bigger movements, gestures and expressions than needed for up-close film/video. It's a bit exagerated... to make sure that the people at the back of the auditorium can see what's happening.

It's not really "bad", just different... and it's what it looked like from time to time. Kinda alternated between that and something more appropriate for screen.

_______

I think it was pretty solid, overall.

:cool:
 
Filmy -- I just saw the movie. It is definitely a good message to be dealing with, so you deserve credit for taking it on. I thought the dialogue was convincing for a pair of sixteen year old girls. My suggestion would be to re-visit the sound editing. It was somewhat difficult to clearly understand some of the dialogue, and some of the ambient noise and sound effects seemed slightly out-of-balance (though this could be a result of the film/audio compression, which you already said was new to you). Overall it is a very good and, more importantly, worthwhile movie!
 
John@Bophe said:
Filmy -- I just saw the movie. It is definitely a good message to be dealing with, so you deserve credit for taking it on. I thought the dialogue was convincing for a pair of sixteen year old girls. My suggestion would be to re-visit the sound editing. It was somewhat difficult to clearly understand some of the dialogue, and some of the ambient noise and sound effects seemed slightly out-of-balance (though this could be a result of the film/audio compression, which you already said was new to you). Overall it is a very good and, more importantly, worthwhile movie!
Click to expand...

First off, I appreciate all the comments...

I don't take any of them with a grain of salt since everyone definitely has their own opinion... I'd definitely like to be able to do the whole thing over again with a little more prep...

Logan:

I totally welcome your comments... It's all good criticism and I will certainly consider it as such...

John:

The DVD actually sounds really good. In fact, I've had a lot of compliments on how good the sound is... Especially after the film was projected (video projector). In fact, a couple of filmmakers asked me how I was able to get the sound that good... LOL. Uh... I just had a crappy Azden Shotgun mic and kept it close to the actors... That was my secret... LOL. Unfortunately, the sound didn't transfer over to a 10meg .mov file.

The reason I had the gunshot at the end of the film was because right before I wrote the script, I visited just about every web site I could find that deals with teen pregnancy. One of the things that startled me was the high rate of suicide by girls that felt they couldn't tell their parents and or had nowhere to turn to... I also read a ton of interviews of pregnant teenagers and one thing seemed to keep ringing true in all the interviews... That they all (at first) thought that their "friends" were really going to be standing by them during the entire pregancy and even delivery. That they really weren't going to have to go through the pregancy by themselves. But, after a very short time, they realized that their friends were NOT going to be there for them... A lot of them talked about the "lip service" they received from their friends which made them feel good in the beginning but as the pregancy went on, most if not all realized that their friends were simply too busy being teenagers. Which, is really all they themselves wanted to be... Not pregnant teenagers...

I got the idea from hearing my neice talking to a friend on the phone about it one day... A lot of what I heard is in the film and mirrors what I read on a lot of different sites...

Again, thanks for the comments... I honestly do appreciate them.

filmy
 
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Nice short Filmy ...

There were a few things I liked and few things I didn't like ... here's the breakdown:

I liked ...

... the strong subject matter - I think the movie draws heavily from Thirteen (if this isn't the case forgive me), and that's a good thing. Teenagers have such a hard time understanding the world (I know, I used to be one), and adults have such a hard time understanding teenagers (I know, I can;t understand teens even though I used to be one) ... any film that tries to bridge the gap is okay in my book.

... the ending - I was afraid the snake was gonna bite Alix. To me, that would have been a lame way for the situation to be resolved. I recently attended a presser dealing with teen pregnancy and was surprised (as you were) to discover the statistics relating teen pregnancy to teen suicide. Plus it ends in a way that makes the viewer uneasy, and when a viewer is uneasy they tend to give the subject matter more thought.

... the location - As has been mentioned ... GREAT LOCATION! The fact that it's an authentic location makes it even better.

... the friend - I liked the idea of the uncaring, lying, shallow friend whose best attempt at consolation is offering to take the protag shopping. Good character.

... the dialogue - Specifically the dirty, filfthy, sinful language. I don't hang around teenagers much but occasionally I get to be around them for short periods of time (we do a lot of school stories). I am always shocked when I hear thirteen - sixteen year olds speaking to each other using the words that they do ... but then I think back to my teenage years and realize that even I, the Conservative-Christian-Goodie-Two-Shoes-Youth-Leader that I was, used words like "fuck" and "shit" quite regularly. I liked the use of it in the movie because it serves to make the viewer uneasy (I've already given my view point on what that does) ... I mean seeing such pretty young women say those things can serve as a shock.

By the way, to you teenagers and those of you still young enough to remember being a teenager I am sorry for my Oldness seeping out.

I didn't like ...

... the acting - I think Zen said it best when he said they needed more rehearal time. I do not believe there acting suggests that they were "stage acting", cause stiff acting doesn't fly in the theater either. I can see that both girls are clearly comfortable in front of the camera, and they both express themselves well; but they were more intent on delivering the memorized lines rather than delivering a performance. Like I said, chalk that up to limited rehearsal.

... the snake - It was distracting for me. It would have been great as bookend shots, but to cut back to it so many times just didn't add to the film, in my opinion.

... the statistics - I understand that there was a specific reason for using the stats at the end, but to me the number of teen pregnancies per state had nothing to do with this story. If both girls ended up preggers, then maybe so. But this story, to me, was about a single girl and her solitary situation.

... the repeat of the line This Kind! - It came off as cheesy rather than shocking or emphasizing.


But overall, good job. Sorry it didn't get to be seen in the Governor's Cup.

Poke
 
Nice work Love the location also. And snake was perfect, cause we all know what a snake lookls like upclose keeping the distance gave it that cool feel. Even the acting wasn't bad, my thing everybody can always improve. Keep it up.
 
LOGAN L Productions said:
I'm also surprised California, New York, and Texas are last. They are the most populated states...hmmm...makes you think. My high school (in Texas) was chuck full of teen moms. That really surprises me. The whole list seems backwards. Is it?
Click to expand...

I saw the list as....these are the boring states where teens have nothing better to do than GET...IT...ON! And if you pay close attention to the short, Alix didn't even have cable TV...so that's the solution right there...more cable TV.

I thought the film was pretty cool. I liked your camera work. You kept it moving. I thought the characters kinda went through their emotions rather quickly. Like the scenes where they are talking about abortion and adoption with kind of a somber attitude, then the next scene follows with the girls cheerfully talking about baby names, then back to how much it costs to have a baby. But I guess teenagers are prone to extreme mood swings and I think you were trying to show the many stages a teen would have when facing this situation.

And I don't know if it was supposed to be funny or not..but this dialogue exchange made me laugh for some reason.
"Shopping at the mall. Wanna go?"
"No...I need to think..."
"OK! BYE!"
Maybe it was just because Alix was depressed, and Heather was all excited to go to mall even though her best friend just told her she was pregnant, like she wasn't totally understanding the situation. It was just funny to me...I'm weird.
 
Shaw said:
The DVX is a great camera :)

Got one just a few weeks ago. Very nice.
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for the price, why didnt you get the JVC 1080i? Seems like the salesguy I talked to in San francisco told me that Camera is way outdated and over priced.

I was gonna buy it and Understand it has nice features but Cameras will soon be 2 million pixs. Im wondering if I want to invest in the first Gen of HiDef cams or wait a year or two.


looks for Scott.. come on Scott, you're the Camera Expert :D
 
PS.. I don't want to ruin this for anyone who hasnt watched it. But was the snake supposed to detour our attention from the final outcome?
 
I have to respectfully disagree with the comments on just plain bad acting.

It's awkward acting.

And in this case, awkward works.

_______

I still think the snake was left unresolved. Probably should be a lot less of the snake, if it doesn't advance storyline. (Although it sure added atmosphere)

I think the overdone "friend" who takes off for the mall when the chips are down, is a valid reflection of teenage focus. You have a hard time thinking of a new name for a baby? That's rough! It's 30% off at Macy's, doll. See you next week!
 
Zensteve said:
It's awkward acting.

And in this case, awkward works.
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I'd agree with the former statement, and disagree with the latter.

The girls simply needed more time to get the characters down. In the beginning, it seemed like they were reading off of cue cards, towards the end it got better. But I don't think awkward acting ever works. That is, if an actor is trying to act calm and collected and coming off as awkward. Now, if a person is actually calm and collected and acting awkward, then that's okay.

The girls did a good job with the amount of time for rehearsal and the weight of the subject matter, but it wouldnhave been nice to see them have that teenage girl banter down pat so that it didn't seem like they were reading.

Poke
 
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