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watch Scarred for Life I

I just finished the editing of a short doc I'm working on for a contest. Since it's my first one I was wondering if I could get some very strict and brutally constructive critism about it. I will remove it from the server by Monday

The URL of the file is: http://cootdogproductions.com/DOC/Scarred1b.wmv

Please let me know your thoughts. Please be brutally honest.

thank you


PS... it's 18 megs and 5 min long.
 
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Please be brutally honest.

Prefacing this with:

There is a lot of good in this, as well. I'm just going extra-heavy on what I perceive as the "bad", in light of Mr CootDog's desire to hear about (and improve on) the bits which may need some more work. (So don't have Carlos shoot me when he gets back from Iraq)

It's a fantastic improvement on the last one, btw, Mr CootDog. Now here we go!

_______

Cover up more of the cuts. I think you made them to make the audio move faster (which is good), but since the video doesn't change you can easily see the jumps in cut footage. If you only have one or two, you can cover them up with that "white flash" effect that you see on single-camera interviews... if there are many, keep that audio going but cover up those cuts with another video source to look at.

You need more stills or footage to overlay.. At least one of those pics you used was repeated. If that's all the pics that Carlos had to use (or if the rest were not suitable), hit up .gov websites. They will have a tonne of hi-res images that you can use, and since they are paid for by Uncle Sam they are free. (Mostly, that is. A few exceptions, but each .gov site will have a generic copyright page that explains it) There is a tonne of great imagery to be nicked from those. (The Navy has a bunch of neato submarine ones :cool: )

That will be especially handy when rattling off all that equipment, as Carlos does. You should be able to find hi-res images of all of those easily.

Nice try with the lava. Gets the point across... just doesn't work. Get some pics/footage of hazy, shimmery, heat-waving hot places... that look more like the Middle-East than a South Pacific volcano at night. Make a montage of them, if you have to.

Keep things moving. Especially with the stills. You try it later in the flick, I see.... apply it more often. Even if it's a very slow pan from left to right, or a very slow zoom inwards. This is also why hi-res piccies are important source material... you have much less degradation when zooming in, or you can start zoomed in and pan. (Leaves lots of room off to the sides, for that)

At 0:02:11 you do a voiceover, explaining what you are about to ask Carlos. During this 5 secs or so of VO, Carlos is seen talking about something, with his audio switched off. That's just annoying, especially as he has an unexplained cut. Cover it up.

At 0:03:51 (and a few other spots, including 0:04:15) you have overlays covering up a layer beneath... but it doesn't match. Sometimes in size, sometimes in alignment. In this particular part of the timeline, you can plainly see, at the top and bottom of the screen, the video you have covered up. (On the other hand, it was a nice slow upwards zoom). :D

The last clip where Carlos does his "Am I scarred for life?" quote (and the followup answer) might be audio-only. It's just really odd seeing him for the very first time in the dark with the flashlight. It has no context to the rest of the flick, which is all exterior daytime with blue skies. Maybe super-impose something over that video.

Also, in the ending credits it's very clear to see that you have different size piccies being worked in. Go to 0:04:42. In the scene right before this, you have a full-sized image that covers the entire screen. At this point, the ratio has changed... and now the top and bottom of the screen has been lopped off as far as video is concerned, but the credits are still rolling on through into the black bars. Pick an aspect-ratio and stick with it. If that means resizing stills, then do it. (And if your original stills were at a suitable hi-res, then noone will notice anyway, if zooming in or cropping.)

Actually... you may have done that at other points in the flick, too... it just really caught my eye with the credits scrolling.

Music through the main part of the movie is pretty good. (Actually, the sound of the kids in the playground background was pretty good, too). A few wind issues with the mic, but that was sporadic. Try playing with the hi-lo pass audio filters on those bits. You may be able to reduce it a bit.

_______


So there we go.
smiley_patriot.gif
 
it would seem Zen covered a lot, im not reading that much because its late/early morning, and i havent slept...

But i would like to see war footage. To make a bigger impact, you're gonna need some greusome nasty ass photos/video. Now i realize you might not have any...which is ok, RIP THE SYSTEM..err, dont. Buy rights. Yea... :)

But yea, thats what i think it needs,and probably in addition to Zens comments, some war footage/photos.
 
The narrator voice-overs were quiet and the narrator voice seemed unnatural to me, I think that was the only element that stuck out to me that makes it appear like a low-budget production. Also, a question I wonder is how soldiers feel about their being in Iraq in the first place, do they think it is a justified war? That said, it was one of the better short films I've seen online in a long long time. A very intimate and honest interview. Wish it was longer. Thanks for sharing.
 
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dudebro said:
The narrator voice-overs were quiet and the narrator voice seemed unnatural to me, I think that was the only element that stuck out to me that makes it appear like a low-budget production. Also, a question I wonder is how soldiers feel about their being in Iraq in the first place, do they think it is a justified war? That said, it was one of the better short films I've seen online in a long long time. A very intimate and honest interview. Wish it was longer. Thanks for sharing.


I could actually answer that with footage. I have almost 2 hours of footage but the contest this is for is only 5 min... It was SO hard to figure you how to cut all that and still get enough information to make this little 5 min thing work.

Thank you all... I'm actually on Army.mil DLing some photos, good call.
 
Updated File With Your Suggestions Please Review

I just updated the video with some of the suggestions.

I'm UL it now and will be done in about 6 min.

Format .WMV

File location:
http://cootdogproductions.com/DOC/Scarred2a.wmv

Size: 18.9 Meg



PLEASE BRUTALLY AND HONESTLY Critique it here.... thanks for all the help...

I did go to www.army.mil and DL some of the photos. Carlos had a lot, but the added ones really brought a lot to the short...

Please review
 
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The new link doesn't work...but I disagree with Zen's "use white fade-in's"...I never like those...I would suggest using the straight fades that you already use...make them all the same speed...in other words: don't have a slow fade next to a fast one...ya know? I liked thios short a lot!! make the narration the same volume as Carlos' voice...If you already did that...forgive me...the new link didn't work...

Otherwise...this is DEFINITELY one of the best shorts posted here in a while!!
 
Doc.

CootDog said:
I just updated the video with some of the suggestions.

I'm UL it now and will be done in about 6 min.

Format .WMV

File location:
http://cootdogproducitons.com/DOC/Scarred2a.wmv

Size: 18.9 Meg



PLEASE BRUTALLY AND HONESTLY Critique it here.... thanks for all the help...

I did go to www.army.mil and DL some of the photos. Carlos had a lot, but the added ones really brought a lot to the short...

Please review
I think you really have to work on your sound, any you might try to change angels during the interviews. this will give more interest to your cuts. You might try to run some of the photos through Photoshop or After Effects you can make some of them look old or color them in creative ways. That way the images don't look so static. Your subject speeks very well, and is interesting I think that you can do very much with this if you take your time and work it to death. Also don't use as many stock transitions, they make films look unprofessional and can add an unwanted cheese factor. Good luck.
 
After watching the new cut...I have to say: make your narration slightly louder than Carlos. The Narration should be more ominous...That's still a problem.

Also, cut some of the earlier interview and add more of what Carlos says about the "morale" of the troops...that's what I, and many others, are interested in; it being an election year and all...what do the soldiers think about the war in general?

Leave the part where he talks about the kids and the Iraqis being human like us...that's important. It also goes great with the pictures you picked.
 
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Take-3 much better :)

Slower pans & zooms on the stills would work. It doesn't need to be fast to keep it interesting. Some of the movement is a bit jerky, too, especially when combining a pan & zoom on the same still. Avoid diagonal pans, unless your software can make it really smooth.

(What software are you using, btw?)

You are missing the new additions to the credits, for images used. (Here is the brief Army.mil reminder)

Images on the Army Web site are cleared for release and are considered in the public domain. Request credit be given as "Photo Courtesy of U.S. Army" and credit to individual photographer whenever possible.

Credit where credit is due. :yes:

_______

Nice recovery from the "lava" spot.

_______

Hah! Just noticed that the main background music was a Boo-tune.
smiley_pac.gif


_______

Your titles need a wee work, too. You have something really odd going on with spacing. Not even sure how you did it. Blank gaps in the middle, with text aligned to both the left and right at each end. Odd.

Also... since you have text/credits rolling over changing background images, you need to add a small drop-shadow (or pixel-wide stroke) to the text. This is so the single colour text can still be read on a changing colour background.

_______

How long 'til it has to be completed, Mr CootDog?
 
Well thanks again to some great thoughts.

I'm using Vegas5 and I don't like the standard credit roll, so I'll probably do that in Combustion. That's why I haven't updated it. It's a little simplistic in Vegas.

I do have more footage where he says that the higher-ups don't know what the hell they are doing, BUT I don't know if I want this to be a political statement. Although he covers it up, I don't want to get the guy in trouble... He did say that he's rather get in trouble than the others. With his first album, the cover of a magazine, and his words in this... he's a very contreversial person. Cause contreversy sells!
But I'm doing this because Carlos is such an interesting person. His spirit will uplift those around him. His postive attitude is greatly needed in this world.

I'll see what I can do about adding in more of the morale talk. I just don't want to cut the carbombs... those images are on everyones minds too...

Thanks again... Let me know if you have another ideas/criticism
 
After burning a VCD and watching it on my TV, I noticed the "wavey" transitions... they are not smooth... can't explain it...
 
Coot, I suggested (in your LIGHTNING thread) that you get a hold of someone at your local news station, did you do that?

I like what I see, but there are many nitpicky things I could go into with it.

-A jump cut every now and then is fine, but you have too many of them. Like others have said, you need to cover the majority of those up.

-Also, consider yourself blessed that you have so much footage, utilize it. We need to see Carlos from time to time, but the more interesting video is Iraq, and him in Iraq.

-Zen made a good suggestion about movement in the still shots, keep that up, we never have to see one still photo. Keep it moving.

-I liked the initial framing on the interview, but disliked it when you switched. I'd stick to one angle and cover up bytes taken from the side view.

-The lava thing was iffy, it drove the point home though. To me this could go either way.

Looking good. If you haven't talked to anyone that does this for a living (besides here, I'm talking face to face feedback), I'd suggest that. You live in Chicago, no? I guarantee you there are people working at the local news in Chicago with tons of experience.

Poke
 
Okay, I saw the first version, not the second. Now that I've seen the second version, some of my observations have changed.

Poke said:
-A jump cut every now and then is fine, but you have too many of them. Like others have said, you need to cover the majority of those up.

You fixed those up pretty well. I would suggest covering up the spot where zoom out from Carlos. We can see the mic in his hand and that looks tacky. And contrary to what Zen said, I like it when he comes on at the end in his gear and in the dark.

Poke said:
-Also, consider yourself blessed that you have so much footage, utilize it. We need to see Carlos from time to time, but the more interesting video is Iraq, and him in Iraq.

I now think you should stick to the awesome shots you found. A lot of good photos! Add more!!!

Poke said:
-Zen made a good suggestion about movement in the still shots, keep that up, we never have to see one still photo. Keep it moving.

And he made another point about the movement looking a bit choppy. I agree with that comment.

Poke said:
-I liked the initial framing on the interview, but disliked it when you switched. I'd stick to one angle and cover up bytes taken from the side view.

Still don't like the switch of perspective on the talking head, but it's not as noticeable now.

Good work.

Poke

Poke said:
-The lava thing was iffy, it drove the point home though. To me this could go either way.
 
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