A little short about a boy in pursuit of a high school crush who finds himself opposite her in the biggest dodgeball game of the year. Enjoy 
https://vimeo.com/49217538
https://vimeo.com/49217538
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watch Dodge It (Short Film)
- Thread starter matt.sutherland
- Start date
I like the concept that you're putting out here. A couple of suggestions:
1) More focus on sound design. The audio wound up feeling noisy and distracting. That's going to have a sizable impact on how everything else in the short is viewed.
2) The edit seemed a bit clunky. You could probably trim a full 15-30 seconds out of the short just tightening the edit up. Then again, that might just be how I'm viewing it because of the audio.
3) Either push or eliminate the narration. There's only two lines done through voice-over, and it feels more like a crutch than part of the story-telling aesthetic. Personally I'd push for the elimination of the lines, and trying o tell more with less, but that's just me.
4) Give it an ending. This currently feels like 3/4 of a short film. Come up with an interesting way for the game to conclude.
You have a solid concept, though, and several good fundamentals. Don't stop here, though; push a little further on it and you could wind up with a truly charming short.
1) More focus on sound design. The audio wound up feeling noisy and distracting. That's going to have a sizable impact on how everything else in the short is viewed.
2) The edit seemed a bit clunky. You could probably trim a full 15-30 seconds out of the short just tightening the edit up. Then again, that might just be how I'm viewing it because of the audio.
3) Either push or eliminate the narration. There's only two lines done through voice-over, and it feels more like a crutch than part of the story-telling aesthetic. Personally I'd push for the elimination of the lines, and trying o tell more with less, but that's just me.
4) Give it an ending. This currently feels like 3/4 of a short film. Come up with an interesting way for the game to conclude.
You have a solid concept, though, and several good fundamentals. Don't stop here, though; push a little further on it and you could wind up with a truly charming short.
The pacing and flow of the story could've been much better. And I agree with Caidh. This seems like an unfinished film. If this was longer, I think it could've been better. It had potential.
Thanks so much for the feedback. I've started to address the issues y'all have raised. If I happen to stumble upon a more polished cut in the future, would it be alright to post again for a second opinion?