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watch HEY EVERYONE PLEASE VIEW MY SECOND SHORT FILM

Okay, I watched it, and I enjoyed it to a point.

First of all, I enjoyed not only your use of lighting and motion, making a locker room a seemingly more interesting set than it actually is, but I have a lot of appreciation for deciding to go without audio from the actual shots, I thought the overemphasized sound effects in place of realistic audio and subtitles were actually very well done.

I started losing interest when she started dicing him up, I REALLY started losing interest when she starting smothering herself and drinking his blood, that was just a turn off. Honestly, I felt like it could have gone in a different direction that would have maintained the artistic nature of it and given it more of a story line, in the last 2 minutes or so, it seemed to lose all sense of any potential story it could have had.

Basically, it went Mysterious girl meets emotionally troubled guy in a locker room of sorts - exchange phone numbers - she invites him over - slicing and dicing ensues. I feel like the artistic drama between the two characters had a lot of potential to go in a better direction.

And by a better direction, that doesn't mean you make it a romance, you can keep her killing him and still make it work, I understand her killing him was the premise, but I think the story would have benefited a lot by less gruesome and disturbing murder and more her wooing him into that state before ending him, instead of just drugging him and throwing him in a chair.

I dunno, that's just my two cents. From a visual perspective, I thought it was a very interesting style that I enjoyed.

Oh, and random side note: I feel like the credit music is a massively different mood from the entirety of the film.
 
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Thank you

Thank you very much for viewing my film, this is my second attempt at a short film. I will take your opinion into consideration next time around!
 
I'll agree that the way it ended left something to be desired. The last minute or so I was thinking "okay, are we done here?"

With that said, I will compliment the way your and your staff made this film look and feel. It was VERY well shot and the audio made for a very artistic short that definitely felt unique and refreshing.
 
I agree to both comment above. It was great at first, but after comes the drugged part it's a let down onwards.

The music score is great, i love it, and the shots are good. Keep up the good work!
 
yeh, lacks slightly in originality department. but that's fine. i think you can do something big. just need to stop watching Hollywood movies. :)
 
Given it a watch, here's my two cents.

Think the story line lacks a bit motivation...Who are they? Why are they doing what they're doing? Just feels a bit ... Boy Meets Girl and She kills him LOLS!!! Feels a bit silly. Especially when she's chopping him up because it looks like she's dicing lettuce not chopping a body.

Why are some shots letterboxed and some not?

Did you go to B&W to hide the fact you're using chocolate sauce for blood.

Birds tweeting and trains moving after midnight? Obviously possible, but seems a strange choice of soundtrack if you're trying to create a "Nightime" vibe.

The choice of the main soundtrack was a nice juxtaposition to the subject matter, but the music over the credits totally ruined that.

These are all quite small things but they break the vibe and atmosphere of the film.

It is nicely shot though.
 
@shocking mind thank you for your critique. There was no train, it was meant for the sound of the car pulling up to the mail box parking lot. Birds chirping? That was actually an owl if you listen a little closer, since owls are nocturnal. Black and white was used for chocolate yes, but that wasn't the only reason, it was also a part of the symbolism to express that he was doomed. If you check out my other film THE RED CARNIVAL, I used a mix of color and black and white as well. I only letter boxed certain shots to emphasize those shots. Thank you!


THE RED CARNIVAL
http://youtu.be/sxGWr_YXJYs
 
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@HER thank you very much! This is my second short film and I am just getting all the practice I can get before I decide to make a feature length which I plan to do in a year or so...thank you very much !
 
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