G'day Darius! Welcome to the forums!
I've had a look at it and it's a fair effort for a first short. I have some constructive criticism for you to have a look at - but keep in mind that I'm a bloody perfectionist!
1.) Get rid of the turning with the door. I know that it helps to set the mood and I definitely felt that this was going to be some sort of eerie scene, but the turning just made me feel that I was on a boat! I would say look at something like some still shots of the door - maybe some close-up on the rusty hinges, a swinging mail flap etc. before going to the point at around 0:20 where you walk the camera through it.
2.) Overall, everything needs to be sped up. There're about a good 20-30 seconds where you're just kind of staring at the hallway with the heavy breathing. There's no tension being built apart from the music. Since we're watching a short film, you can't neglect the visual - something like a dripping tap or slowly swinging door..
3.) Now, it's 10:40pm here and I'm sitting in a dark room watching this on my 50" screen and the run up with the static just scared the living bejeebus out of me! However, I still have no idea what the short is about and it's 1:00 in.
4.) At 2:00 pleasantly surprised, thinking you just pulled some sort of switcharoo on us... er... no, it's 3 minutes of credits...
Bonus: Fix up the audio with the speech. I'm listening to this on my 5.1 speaker system, and there's still a noticeable jump in static (a lot of the time, this is only noticeable if you're wearing headphones as the nature of the 5.1 means you lose some of the sensitivity). You can try cleaning this in post with a few of the tools available (Try Magix Cleaning if you don't have anything else) and then slowly boost the levels of the audio instead of having just an abrupt cut to the dialogue.
I reckon you're going for a kind of abstract film and that's not something to discourage, but I really had no idea what's going on. I like the use of lights on the girl's face and the TV was very eery.
What was your idea behind this? Did you have a story set in your mind before you shot this? Did you sit down and storyboard it at all?
I don't want to discourage you from producing more, so I apologize if it seems like I'm nitpicking. However, Steven Spielberg wouldn't be where he was today if he hadn't made a million mistakes in the process.