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watch Meat: An argument

R

raj

Hey guys,

I posted my first short with dialog and actual actors (instead of my friends) that I auditioned on my blog.

Please check it out and tell me what you think.

It's the story of an argument between a meat eater and a vegan: http://rajatbhardwaj.com/?p=31

Cheers!
 
I really liked that.

If you'r still editing, you dont need the final in the car bit.. it works just fine without it, with it its sorta loses its punch..

Technically; I loved EVERY shot except the one low angle looking up to the door. Didn't look near as good as the rest of the film.
 
Thank you for the feedback!

The reason I left the car shot is because it explains how he knew that he'd be able to get into the apartment.

But maybe it can work without that, I'll have to think about it some more.

And yeah, I'm not a huge fan of the shot from below either. But didn't get a chance to reshoot it :(
 
What a weird coincidence - the film I'm making is about a butcher who falls in love with a vegan's fiance! Guess it's just one of those timeless conflicts :)

It even has a line "That's no way to live", which is very similar to some dialog in yours (thats pretty much where the similarities end though so don't worry!)

Really liked the film - nicely shot and graded overall, although the in-car stuff was noticeably lower quality - quite grainy.

Script and acting was good (especially Mike), the beginning felt it could be a little tighter. It took slightly too long to get to the bet which is when it got really interesting - might be something you can improve in the edit.

Ending was good too, but felt it could have been done in a neater way somehow. Think there was just a little too much exposition. If some of it could have been shown rather than told that may have helped.

Nice job though, looking forward to seeing more of your work!
 
This is really good. And the CU at the beginning with the Meat Eater looking through the peephole... brilliant shot bro.
 
Great short man! I agree with what wheatgrinder has to say with the last scene in the car and the low angle shot. Anyway, really good acting (they worked for free?), cinematography (maybe having everything in focus when the car leaves would've been better. but I love the lighting when he looks at the peephole) and a pretty good story.

Good job!
 
raj said:
Hey guys,

I posted my first short with dialog and actual actors (instead of my friends) that I auditioned on my blog.

Please check it out and tell me what you think.

It's the story of an argument between a meat eater and a vegan: http://rajatbhardwaj.com/?p=31

Cheers!
Click to expand...

Impressive!

What camera were you using -- Lumix?

My only criticism is that it doesn't make a statement about anything and I think that might hurt you in the festivals.

What I mean is, someone else my turn in the same quality work and win over you because his work will be regarded as "high-concept" while yours won't/can't.

The photography is the best I've seen around here to date. If you were going for Film noir, you captured it; more the reason why some info about your gear would be appreciated.

All and all, though, you made some great choices here -- remarkably good quality for a first short.
 
Thanks!

Thanks everyone!

To answer your questions:

- No, they didn't work for free. They might have, but I like paying people if I can, so I didn't ask otherwise. I paid them $50/day and only shot for one day. They did such a great job acting, that I thought it was well worth it.

- As far as the camera/lenses are concerned, it was pretty basic. I shot it on the 5D Mark II. I believe I used three lenses, it was a while back, so I don't remember exactly. But from what I recall, most of the dialog scenes were shot with the 50mm f/1.4 and the 85mm f/1.8. The lower angle shot and the car driving away was shot with the 16mm-35mm f/2.8.

- Lighting for the dialog scene was provided by natural light coming under a shade when the camera is on Mike and a Rifa light when the camera is on Roy to balance the light coming from behind. Inside shot was lit with two rifa lights. One with a grid (the one pointing at Roy), and one without (the one pointing at Mike). This gave it a little bit of dimensionality. Not enough in my opinion, I thought those were the weakest shots.

- Audio was recorded with a Sennheiser ME66 on a boom pole to a Zoom H4N.

- Shot of car driving away was done on this jib: http://www.indisystem.com/jib/

I definitely see what you mean about not making a statement about anything, and honestly, my goal wasn't to try to submit to festivals. I wanted to shoot this to make my first short with dialog. Got sick of taking pretty moving images with music added :)
 
Two more things

The close up shot of him peeping through the peephole didn't exactly work out as I had planned.

What I was trying to go with at first was showing a stream of light shining through. So what I tried first was the following:

- Put a 1000watt fresnel right outside the door by the peephole.

That didn't work, because you couldn't see any light peering through.

- I then tried to have the light outside, and take baby powder, and a small handheld fan to blow the powder into where the stream of light would be. The goal was to give the light some kind of 'medium' besides air that it could sit on and the camera would see it.

Unfortunately, that didn't work either, and I started to burn the paint off the door!!!

So I went back to just being content with the light hitting his eye and using a 50mm f/2.5 macro lens for that shot.

If anyone has any other questions, please let me know! I'm all about sharing information.
 
I just want to put this out there, and it's completely subjective ...

Every first-time filmmaker starts out with the surprise ending and there's certainly nothing wrong with it when done well. However, drama has many different ways of ending in a satisfying way.

This makes me wonder if new filmmakers have studied drama.

They all seemed to have studied O'Henry.


I think the new filmmaker who avoids surprise endings might be received better at the festivals.

I could be flat wrong about this.
 
I'll echo the aforementioned thoughts about the ending car scene. Just seemed out of place.

Aside from that, not bad at all :)
 
I agree with everyone else - the car scene is unnecessary. There's no need to explain something at that point because he's already made it clear that the whole vegan thing was just a ruse to get in the house. Honestly I don't think you even need the gunshot either, that's a bit cliched as an ending in independent films and we can already assume things aren't going well for 'mike' at that point.

Otherwise I think it came together really nicely, acting was great and the dialogue audio sounds god. I do think you could tighten up the pace of a few of the shots early on, but it's more my personal editing preference than anything that's wrong, everything flowed pretty naturally.

I think the surprise ending is fine - that only bothers me when the film preceding the surprise doesn't have much going for it and relies entirely on the surprise to make it interesting. This one isn't like that at all - it was interesting to watch all the way through. And I also think it makes the first half ring more true - I wouldn't believe a dedicated vegan would take a bite of meat for $100, even if they needed money.
 
Great concept for a short. The delivery was very effective.

It worked for me where the "Vegan" played on the man's prejudices of a Vegan he could convert. The ending with the car helped to explain how he was cased out for the hit.
 
*Applause*

I agree with everyone who said this- no need at all for the car scene. Even if it were gonna be there, just the "Hope you enjoyed the veal Mr.Cicero" would have sufficed is what I felt.

One more thing - the audio abruptly went blank right after he looks in the peephole and before the "Hello Census". Nitpicking, but since I felt it, I thought I'd put it out here.


Beautiful lighting and the conversation felt Tarantino-esque. Well done.
 
fider said:
*Applause*

I agree with everyone who said this- no need at all for the car scene. Even if it were gonna be there, just the "Hope you enjoyed the veal Mr.Cicero" would have sufficed is what I felt.

One more thing - the audio abruptly went blank right after he looks in the peephole and before the "Hello Census". Nitpicking, but since I felt it, I thought I'd put it out here.


Beautiful lighting and the conversation felt Tarantino-esque. Well done.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the compliments, and you're right! The audio does indeed drop out. I didn't notice it before, but now that you mention it, I do remember that the audio wasn't shot with sync there as I didn't have enough room in the hallway.

I'll remember it for next time!
 
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