The actors you used are pretty darn good for an independent film, and for some reason it felt like I was watching a teen movie from the mid-80s akin to
Teen Wolf or
Weird Science - in a good way!
This is also one of those rare times that, in my opinion, a lengthy static shot at the beginning would probably work wonders to improve the scene of them talking. As is, you've got it alternating between the shot of both of them from the front and shots at different angles of the different characters talking, whereas I personally think it'd work better if you just stook with the shot of both of them up until the point of the curly haired guy standing up.
After that, the shots seem a tad too close for comfort, and though you've done the right thing with looking at the guy whose sitting on the floor from a high angle and keeping the other at eye level (which sets the perspective of the scene as coming from his character), you do very little to show the distance between the two as he walks away beyond showing him walking away - the shot of the guy on the floor stays at the same distance, and he may as well be talking to someone literally just off-frame and the audience wouldn't know. Working on showing this better would help it a lot.
The time jump made between that scene and the next also isn't clear enough - you go from having him walk into the house and then showing him from inside the house walking in, and don't at any point indicate that it's a time jump until the shot of the guy who is outside in the other scene at that point instead being at home. At first I thought there was a wardrobe error of some sort (as he's wearing glasses in those shots and a different outfit) until it became clear what had happened.
Working on the composition of the shots would do wonders as well - in the scene where they're talking over the phone, the guy who set up the date is just too low in the shot, with massive amounts of space above his head that shouldn't be there.
These guys do some pretty damn good videos explaining composition, framing, lighting, etc. that would be worth giving a look.
For the most part the acting is pretty nice, but there are some pacing issues at certain points - though the dialogue for the most part is fine when they're talking to each other, but when alone, especially in the short-haired guy's lines to himself, things seem too quick. For example, in the first scene, when the curly-haired guy goes into the house and leaves the other alone outside, the space between the lines seems unnaturally short, making the lines seem forced and unnatural. It happens at various points throughout, and when he's finished on the phone in the next scene he goes back to sleep unnaturally quick for someone who seemed alert but seconds before (even though he had just woken up). This latter scenario could be fixed by having him seem tired throughout the conversation, perhaps even laying down, just teetering on the edge of slumber and then falling into it after his lines are done. These issues crop up at several points, and should be worked on.
I won't go on anymore, other than to say the story and actors are pretty damn solid, but the above issues bring the quality of the film down. Overall though, it was fun to watch, and there's definitely potential to get better
Edit:
Also, regarding the last scene and disincluding the "flashback" to where the short-haired guy got his bruise from, from the point they sit down on the curb together it's pretty well done, but for the first half or so it has the same problem of cutting to unnecessary shots of one character talking and the other being half off frame. Towards the end of them sitting down it was pretty much spot on though (more specifically, the point around where the line "knee'd the off-duty cop in the balls" onwards), and when they stood up to walk away the camera following them was pretty nicely done. What I would say though is that the two shots from the front of them walking away (where the second is slightly angled towards them) aren't necessary, and sticking with just the direct-angle shot towards them would have been fine. It also should have ended on the shot from behind them of them walking away, possibly having the camera be placed a bit further back too - fading out on that would have been a solid ending, but the inclusion of him pushing the other into the wall was unnecessary and extended the action of that part of the scene unnecessarily.
Pretty well done though, kudos!
