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watch 'Toast' short film

J

jackbrown

'A man wakes up to make himself some toast. What he doesn't know is that this seemingly simple act will take him on a journey where he faces some dark fears and questions his sense of reality.'

Shot using Canon 550d

Lens used:
Canon 50mm f1.8 lens + nd filter for outdoor shots

Edited on FCP

Original music and sound design by Paul Street

drownedworld.net/​Home.html

Made in summer 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy4zLnwx3k8

http://vimeo.com/29095188
 
I quit watching at 4:08.

The problem I have is the repetitive shots after 1:30. It appears that you may have re-used the same shot several times. Even if not true, it appears to be true. IMO you need to tighten that up and move the film forward faster. I gave up at 4:08 -- if there is a fantastic ending, I wasn't drawn toward it. You can only drag toast on the ground for so long before viewers tune out.

Paul Street's music is good -- especially the part up to 1:30. That music should be submitted to this radio station: www.live365.com./stations/skeptical3 I'm sure they'll be happy to have it for their playlist.

Good luck.
 
Greets indietalk

Hi,

I'm the Director of Toast and new to the forum.

Thanks for watching, this was my first short film so some parts are experimental. I'm glad you like the music me and Paul worked hard together on it!

The repetitive shots are intentional - originally they were not included, but the scenes they are in seemed to be over too quickly, so they provide a double function; they are part of the internal thoughts/conflicts of the main character and they extend the scenes to a more suitable length....that was the intention ;)

Please watch till the end I think you will like the ending!

I look forward to getting involved in the forum and making more films!

Cheers,
Ross
 
its not bad for a first short. Reminds me of my first attempt to try and making my short film. it did turn out to be "experimental" as well haha

When i read your description "man wakes up.." i thought "let me guess, first shot is "man rolling out of bed and hitting alarm clock", but i was wrong! so thank you for that.

during your kitchen scene, why did u decide to use cut of man heating up water, then pouring a cup of tea.. those little cuts need to have a purpose. If i will take those cuts, and completely remove them from your video - you still will be able to go on with your story. USE THE CUTS THAT CONTRIBUE TO YOUR STORY. The rest of it is just slow paced fat.

Your multiple screen shots - i think understand that you wanted to make something different, show the state of confusion and desperation, but i dont think it really worked. The reason is because you reused your cuts. Why? why couldnt you use some other footage? First 5 seconds of this weird montage was kinda cool, after that it got a bit annoying.. second time you did it - i almost turned it off, for the reason is because i got bored. But kept watching.

Ending is good, and you do have a conclusion to your story. But it left lots of things unanswered. Who was the guy at the end? why did they begin to fight?
but if the viewer will get bored or annoyed by your movie, they ll simply turn it off, doesnt matter how good and funny your ending is.


Overral, it wasnt bad. Good camera work, thank you for using a tripod for most of the shots.

Those are my advices. im still kind of new in this whole filmmaking thing, but your video had some mistakes, that really reminded me of my first several vids, so just wanted to comment!

Now, time to make a new one ;)
 
Hi dlevanchuk and thanks for watching, glad you enjoyed some elements of Toast!

The story was intentionally inconclusive in parts as its about conscious and unconscious realities; so you can interpret everything that doesn't take place in the kitchen how you like as its not clear if its 'reality' or not.

Thanks for the advice and I'm glad I could surprise you by not including the classic alarm clock scene!

Ross
 
This is really good, had some really beautiful shots in there. The very last shot was absolutely perfect, visually and contextually. Really summed up the idea well. I really like the whole thing, although as mentioned before it did get a little repetetive, but it worked. Really well done.
 
I agree and disagree with the above comments. It was interesting and different, but yes there were perhaps too many reused cuts. I should say though, don't put something in a scene just to lengthen it because the chances are, it will get dragged out because it wasn't supposed to be that long. Length isn't everything. I love a long movie, but only if it keeps me interested. If a scene moves too slowly then I start getting distracted...which happened a bit here. Overall though, it was enjoyable. Certainly a cut above the rest :) I really liked the main TOAST title, it was very stylish but not overdone.
 
Interesting short. It reminded me of the Harry Potter portal and the film jumper. He meets his future self or his evil twin that wants his toast? I agree that it got a little repetitive but I like parts of it. I kept on thinking what if he put something else in the toaster besides toast what would happen. Yeah the short leave much up to interpatation and most viewers probably would not figure out what is going on since it is not spelled out enough. Was the toast pulled by fishing line?
 
Very nice beginning... and then... I was disappointed...
I didn't like the split screens...
He went into too many "toaster holes"... And the actor wasn't very good, sorry.
The short has a lot of potential though...
 
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Wow thanks for the encouraging a complimentary comments!

The common theme people are picking up on seems to be the split screen sections. As mentioned before it was cut originally without them. But when the music/score was produced it lent itself to longer scenes at these 2 points, otherwise the music didn't have a chance to get going! But also I imagine a lot of people on here are watching this film on a computer monitor or perhaps even within the 5inch window on youtube whereas this has been entered into a short film competition with the intention of being shown on a cinema size screen which would have a different impact regarding split-screens. And also attention span/viewing habits are very different in a cinema setting than to watching on a computer.


EDBody, thanks and glad you enjoyed it. Good to see another Exeter based filmmaker on the forum.

tommygdawg, thanks for the comments. Glad you liked it and as mentioned the key point here seems to be the length due to the extra scenes. Maybe you will watch the director's cut and see what you reckon?!

rockerrockstar, thanks & you got it! a small fishing rod with very fine line! we had to make sure it was far enough away from the zoom h4n audio recorder so it wasn't heard in the recordings. Your in the right ball park about his 'evil twin' but it is more his 'dark ego/personality'.

kinglis, thanks! and glad you enjoyed some parts and stay tuned for more films soon.

Cheers
Ross
 
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GuerrillaAngel - I was just explaining part of the process of making and editing this particular experimental short film.

I think there's more to discuss on the subject of balancing audio and music to action. The integration of the two and effect achieved.

do you have any films online to give me some context?

Cheers
 
Ah yeah good point Jack!

As requested by the good people of IndieTalk forums. I re-edited Toast without the split-screens. I think it's an improvement and the story flows nicer without them. Do you? :)
 
I didn't like it. It's well shot and good effects but that was about it for me.

I think it was because this person was chasing toast. If there's one thing I wouldn't chase, it would be toast. :) It could work well but in this instance it didn't for me, I wasn't gripped at any point and it didn't create any kind of mood for me.

You can't please everyone tho.
 
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