Whatever that opening image sign is... can't read it. Train station?
The zoom out is a bit long.
The walk to the car is long. It can be cut out, actually. Just have him pull up to the curb, he opens the door for her, and off they go.
@ 0:44 interior of car needs white balance. Interior is more important that what's out the front window ahead.
@ 0:47 camera not level with passenger side door window, as well as in subsequent shots.
These two actors know their lines and deliver them very well, especially considering the long take.
The bouncy cam is pretty distracting. Need to secure that tight as possible and/or re-engineer your out-of-car-window camera support system.
@ 2:37 remind driver not put his left arm up so high on the steering wheel. Not above the 8 o'clock position.
@ 3:19 What is going on with the male's voice when he turns toward the forest? It phases from fine to robotic then back to fine again. Is that a mic auto gain thing or what? (PS, I don't think she'll be kicking boxing anyone with those heels).
@ 3:51 white balancing against that bright window is a giant hassle I know. I remember from the director commentary on
SKYLINE the one scene where the couple enter the host's apartment from the relatively dark hallway was one of their most technically difficult shots because of the backlighting out the condo windows. I think their solution was to just dump a ton of artificial light inside the hallway. You might consider that and placing at least one or two bug screens on that exterior window to cut down that contrast.
Between 4:05 and 4:06 is a non-contributory yet distracting flash cut. I guess it's supposed to communicate that she's moving from the bedroom's entry to a locked doorway inside the room. If the actual setting allows, consider just making it a single track from A to B then C. Obviously she's snooping. The eventual discovery of the correct door is... dorky. Screwwit. Women snoop. Forgo the "missed" first door. Just have her snoop, discretely.
@ 4:17 Watch the white balance.
For the bench scene I'd keep a simple L-R two shot going and ditch the 4:54 straight-on 90° shots. And I'd have him sitting there reading the instructions for the zapper as a prop rather than springing it out of his back pocket. Very creepy. Predators try to NOT scare off their prey. I don't know any women that wouldn't have big mental alarms go off at that.
I like his accent. It's very easy to understand while still being interesting.
@ 7:04 Dolly in shot is great (nice to see something off the sticks), but it abruptly stops @7:09 (Did I see it even pull back an inch)? Time the entire shot for a dolly in or edit the cut before it stops.
@ 7:19 No 1970's zooming in, please.
@ 7:55 & 8:07 Female is centered. Observe
rule of thirds, at least. Even better would be to keep Male (in this series of cuts) on the left side of the frame and have the female (in her intercuts) on the right suggesting an intimate visual pairing, which seems to be the goal.
@ 8:30 I like the creative use of the back window to halo her hair (and block that [expletive] light!). I'd tighten in the shots as the conversation gets more intimate and personal.
@ 9:03 I think the blocking in this scene is about as good as it gets, and I have mixed feelings about what I'm about to suggest. On the one hand - THAT is a NORMAL mature female body. Most of them look that way, and it's a pretty nice one at that. On the other hand -
THE SKIRT makes her look like shes begining her second trimester. She's got a nice round ass on her. Get her in a hip hugger dress so that the line goes more across and less "U" shape. Get those sides down. (I personally don't give a sh!t. Girls come that way. They're not all
Olympic volleyball players. Deal with it). Or just zoom in a little more to make it a non-issue, as I suggested above for increased intimacy.
@ 9:12 I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the window lighting effect!
@ 10:11 Quit with the perpendicular shots. No more 90° shots.
Between 10:19 and 10:30 did you have to shoot those as pick ups at a later time? Otherwise, since the (hideous) prior scene established they are in the same room together, to maintan that the face shots would benefit from traditional
Over The Shoulder shots with the other person framing the opposite side.
This is Lifetime Channel fare, which I don't "do", so I would flip right on through this PDQ.
GL!
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I didn't understand it, but I didn't feel any real conflict in the story.
Too much dialog too...
I'm pretty sure this is a 10minute cut of a greater piece, so it's not really a contained 'story' per se.
The conflict was that the third person never showed up for her job, so Nancy can have her opportunity to play casting couch for the director. (I think she got those roles reversed)!
And I agree, waaaaay too much blabbing.
Most RomCom features would have covered this much ground in under half the time.
But I think this is going to be a horror movie, in which case they usually cover more ground faster, as well.
Kinglis, if you were in her position and the "Director" pulls out of his back pocket a stun gun would you be alarmed or cool with it, because he's the director of a horror movie and all?
Suave or not-suave?
