I really enjoyed that. It's very funny.
Zensteve mentioned pacing. For the most part, I thought it was fine, but yeah, I agree with him that the setups could move a little faster.
What I'd like to discuss with you is jump-cuts. You've got 'em all over the place. Some of them work, and some of them don't.
I use jump-cuts ALL THE TIME. But when you use them, they need to be obviously intentional, and if done right, not only are modern audiences accustomed to seeing jump-cuts, but I think they can work to great effect. But if the two shots are fairly similar, but a little different, then that just looks like sloppy filmmaking, and can pull an audience out from their suspension of disbelief.
To contrast good from bad, let's look at two jump-cuts that happen right next to each other, in the same scene. At 1:45, the dude's head changes direction, otherwise, the exact same action is happening between shots, and as far as I can tell, I'm supposed to believe that this is continuous action. But it's obviously not continuous action, because his head is on the opposite side of his body in the second shot. Three seconds later, at 1:48, now the action is completely different, and this particular jump-cut works brilliantly, for comedic effect. Because the two shots are so completely different, and in the second one, the action has been elevated to ridiculous proportions, the audience just assumes that time has passed by, and the jump in action is pretty funny. In the same veign, the cut at 1:52 is technically a jump-cut, but obviously intentional, and it totally works for comedic effect. My favorite is at 3:56, though; laughed my ass off, at that sight-gag.
Even if a jump-cut isn't being made for comedic effect, I do think that it's okay to use them, just for the sake of a tight edit (if you're making a sketchy-like short, like this one). This can work when we're moving from one scene to another, and a completely new location. Your jump-cuts at 1:54, 2:54, 4:04, and 4:12 are examples of this. In these instances, I think the audience is perfectly willing to accept the jump-cut, cuz we're smart enough to just assume that there has been a passage of time, between the two shots.
But when a jump-cut happens in the same scene, so a passage of time isn't implied/assumed, and the jump-cut isn't obviously intentional, then it just doesn't work. The following are the ones you have that don't work:
0:22 -- pay attention to the 30-degree rule
1:12 -- first he's standing by the door, then instantly, he's sitting down. Need to see him leave the frame in the first shot, or enter the frame in the second shot (or both).
1:58 -- the position of the Dr.'s body moves instantly
2:30 -- arms move
3:09 -- facial expression changes (even this little stuff is noticeable)
Lastly, don't feel bad if you find yourself constantly combating unwanted jump-cuts. All filmmakers have to deal with this, and it never goes away. Even the stuff you see on the big-screen. A few things that will help lessen the blow:
Get lots of coverage, and lots of variation between shots
Get plenty of cutaways
Spend some time in rehearsal (typically just before shooting each new scene), and practice repeating the same action
I look forward to your next short!
