watch The Equinox

Hi everybody. I'm new to the forum. I'd like to share my latest work with you. Please let me know, what you think.

Edward has reached his middle age long time ago. Margaret is his young, sexy neighbour. One peculiar night will change lives of this couple.

http://www.vimeo.com/23034578

I like it.

Thanks.

ha this was good, didnt really the beginning thought, but how he was in the movie theater and the chick turns the light off and all that haha that was so clever i loved it.

also amazing camera and angles

Very nice! There was one spot where the subtitles didn't line up with the dialogue, though (when Edward leaves the two old men playing chess and we can hear him and his wife talking).

The opening animation ended a bit too abruptly, and started a tad too soon, in my opinion. Openings that use animations and the like tend to smooth themselves to a halt, like using a natural end in the music and the animation's pacing come to almost a stop, whereas yours just sort of keeps going and then SLAM straight into the shot. Look at Luther's opening and Skins Season One's opening for a reference. It had very nice pacing overall though, and kept in time to the music. The only other complaint about that would probably be the running animation at the beginning - it seemed way too much like it was recorded with him running on the spot, whether that's true or not. The entire animation was very well done though.

Very professional overall, and very good! The shot composition was very nice and the angles spot on. The acting was also fairly good throughout it, and the script was appropriate, even if it was trying to be a bit too friendly ("Beat it, I was first!"; "You lout!").

I'll write more about it in a few hours after I've had some sleep. Right now I'm finding it hard to bring myself to write more as my eyes are hurting after spending all day writing and rewriting a script. Again though, fantastic short film!

Also, was that a Wilhelm scream that I heard at 2:20?

cameronchapman said:

There was one spot where the subtitles didn't line up with the dialogue, though

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You're right! I really don't know how could this happen I hadn't notice that before. That's weird. I think I'll eventually replace the video with the corrected one.

ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

whereas yours just sort of keeps going and then SLAM straight into the shot / it seemed way too much like it was recorded with him running on the spot

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Thanks for noting that, it's very useful remark! I'll pay more attention to it in the next works.
Actually feet were recorded running on the spot. I didn't have any treadmill nor the big greenscreen to record the whole run phase on it so the only way I could do it better would be to suspend the actor so he could easly move his legs in the air. Am I right?

Dialogs were as you pointed little too friendly because I tried to achieve some kind of impression of unreality, of the world lost back in time.

ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

Also, was that a Wilhelm scream that I heard at 2:20?

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You guys are uncheatable in-jokes hunters!

Have a good sleep. Thanks for sharing thoughts.

Sorry for not continuing the comment the other day, I had it all written out and then my computer decided to crash and I lost it all - by that point I was once again too tired to write more.

Actually feet were recorded running on the spot. I didn't have any treadmill nor the big greenscreen to record the whole run phase on it so the only way I could do it better would be to suspend the actor so he could easly move his legs in the air. Am I right?

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Running has much higher back leg lifts, and the pause between steps is drastically decreased - taking them into account, you should try re-recording it But yeah, having them suspended in the air would work too, but may have a very disconnected feel to it (which may or may not be what you want). At the moment, it looks like the guy's playing hopscotch, especially with the little jump at the end of it!

Dialogs were as you pointed little too friendly because I tried to achieve some kind of impression of unreality, of the world lost back in time.

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I wasn't complaining about the dialogue, don't worry I think it's rather nice, and reminds me a lot of Amélie with the combination of innocent dialogue and fairly adult themes.

I had a problem trying to figure out what the man at the table meant when he said: "So good it doesn't turn cranks of us old." Care to explain?

There was also a problem at the beginning with Margaret on the roof. In the shot he notices Margaret for the first time, she is turned to the left, then a few shots later when she turns to smile at him she is turned to the right.

Other than them I found it to be a very, very well made short film! I loved the surreal approach you went with for the whole thing, and I'm not sure whether it's good or not that I was completely confused by the second half of it (post-dream).

Very well done, I'll look forward to seeing more from you!

ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

Running has much higher back leg lifts, and the pause between steps is drastically decreased.

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Oh yes, it's a lot to improve in that matter. I think it's actually technically impossible to imitate running well when doing it on the spot because of difference in weight arrangement. At least if you're not a Marcel Marceau type guy.

ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

I had a problem trying to figure out what the man at the table meant when he said: "So good it doesn't turn cranks of us old." Care to explain?

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It meant something like "It's so good it doesn't excite us old men so much" in reference for a commotion made by another lads 'courting' under Maggie's window and the elder man talking about aparrently not relevant things at the same time.

ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

There was also a problem at the beginning with Margaret on the roof. In the shot he notices Margaret for the first time, she is turned to the left, then a few shots later when she turns to smile at him she is turned to the right.

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Funny you're the first person to note that. It was our '180 degrees' mistake while shooting that scene around 4 am in the night. All Margaret shots were recorded with her facing left but there's one Edward shot facing the same direction (long shot) and the second one Edward shot facing the opposite direction (close up). So in the editing I realized the best way to salvage this material is to mirror-flip one of the Margaret's shot to suit the Eddie's shot. In the result it can be quite confusing for demanding spectator but I think it was a good way to save it. I could also flip Eddie's shot but then I would have to flip long shot as well and for the sake of movement continuity I would also have to flip whole street scene. Or reshoot the courtyard scene which wasn't possible at all.

Thanks for taking your time to watch the film so attentively and commenting it! It's very motivating.