watch The Artist, A Short Horror

Hi Guys

This is a short 20 minute horror that I wrote and directed a while back as part of my degree in 2006 I received a 1st which I was very happy about.

I have put it up here so more people see it as it has had minimal exposure and I feel for the effort that everybody put into it it deserves more.

So please if you have the time give it a look but above all leave some comments as Contsructive critisium is the best form of complement!

Thanks

Tobie

http://www.vimeo.com/26176643

needs a faster pace, could be more suspencefull, needs trippier music.

Thanks your right it does need a faster pace I was at the time Very much in to Kim ki duk films, which if you have seen any are of a very slow nature, so the first half of the film was very slow in attempt to create suspense and then ramp for the second half section, there is some dialogue towards the end which is very weak and just kills the pace completely but as the brief was set to 20 minutes it was included. As this was my 1st ever attempt at writing a script. I remain happy.

Thanks for your comments they very helpful.

Is there any reason why dispite the view of this post few people have followed through with watching the short?

Nice work. I'm glad you won 1st.

It probably won't surprise you if I complain a bit about the audio. I couldn't make out the dialogue much of the time. I don't know if the problem came from the recording of it or from the mix or from both. But the dialogue was far from front and center. Storywise I had a little trouble following a couple of things. It seemed like Jessica and Sam were supposed to have a continuous phone connection. If so, why didn't Sam hear and respond at all to Jessica being menaced and then murdered by Luke? I felt like I was left with too little resolution of the story. On a more trivial note, Jessica wearing that sexy yellow top wasn't a choice I think I would have made. Maybe there's a good reason for it that I'm not seeing. I know that maybe it was a hot day and there was no air conditioning in that room. But when I saw that what popped into my mind was Jessica asking Luke something like, Do you want me to seduce you?

Tlang said:

Thanks your right it does need a faster pace I was at the time Very much in to Kim ki duk films, which if you have seen any are of a very slow nature, so the first half of the film was very slow in attempt to create suspense and then ramp for the second half section, there is some dialogue towards the end which is very weak and just kills the pace completely but as the brief was set to 20 minutes it was included. As this was my 1st ever attempt at writing a script. I remain happy.

Thanks for your comments they very helpful.

Is there any reason why dispite the view of this post few people have followed through with watching the short?

Click to expand...

Only speaking for myself (obviously, and not claiming that anyone else feels this way, especially given that unregistered users far outnumber registered ones), but I tend to give priority to viewing and commenting on the videos of members who put at least a little bit time and effort into the indietalk forum. When posters pop into indietalk and say something to the effect of, Hello, you don't know me at all because I don't participate on indietalk and I only just registered in order to post this one video for essentially marketing purposes...but I'm posting this video here that I or my friends made just because it's another place to post it in in order to get our youtube view count higher, then I tend to avoid it. I'm not trying to say that there's anything wrong with that. I'm not saying that that describes you or that that's your only motivation or interest in indietalk. I hope not. Just sayin'. It's at least possible that I'm not the only one who feels and responds that way, because I think I've noticed that posts like that do tend to get less attention here. Anyway, I'm sure that you're a cut above all that. You took the trouble to reply to sidewalkbowling, and that allowed me to suppose that you were not just another fly-by-nighter, so to say, is part of my point.

Good work and hope to see more.

This is the sort of reply i was looking for and for this I Thanks you.

This also highlights why I enjoy making short films, the little bits you picked up on in my film were great the t-shirt was ment as a sexy nod as in the begin she says your in luck i am heading your way now so the idea was that she was wearing something in the hope that she would spend a bit of time with the dectective, as for your note to the phone link although weak the idea was that they touched the head sets to start link conversation and then switched them off but that did as you point out get lost in translation!

Audio is during large sectons weak and over powered by background chatter this was due to a) inexprirenace andb) lack of equipment.

If your interested The budget for this film was £2000 which we put in ourselves and some local shops and buissinseseses.

I am really glad you enjoyed it though and thanks for taking the time to reply.

It is a double edged sword this forum thing for me i was on here for the intention of showing off my wears but had become disheartened with the lack off reponses and if this had continued may well had fallen by the wayside but I also so understand what you point out by the flyby guys. but In time i hope to show myself as a valuable member to this community.

Tobie out.

Very interesting. The fact is that I for one was very impressed by the high production value of your short --minus the audio problems and the not-so-hot video quality (we've become spoiled by the recent availability and use of HD). It felt very much like and comfortably familiar to watching some of the excellant British crime television I've seen recently thanks to PBS...like Inspector Lewis. I really like that show.

Right, I think you were simply limited by the twenty minutes. If you had had, say, room for a one hour long episode or more, you could have fleshed some more of that out. The casting was excellant. I liked your leads. You did suggest a romantic interest at the beginning of the phone call. It was just a little jarring for me when suddenly there she sits baring her wares for Luke. I was thinking that that would have been for the detective. Also, it seemed a little out of step with being in the midst of tracking down a seriel killer and possibly a not-yet-killed victim. The Detective and Jessica(?) would have made a cute couple. Gees, I'm sad she's dead. Hey you made me care about your players...even though it's "just" a short and one of them is already dead.

Maybe you could pretend that you didn't kill Jessica and rework this with the two leads into a brilliant detective show. I look forward to seeing it on TV in a few years. Well, it's just an idea.

Hey, Mr. Lang...

Let me start by saying that I intended to watch this when you first posted it, but I forgot about it, until today, when it reappeared on the main page. I do agree though, many first time posters, offering a film straight off the bat, will often get overlooked, as, more often than not, they're only here to show off their piece, rather than be a member of the community. I'd also bet that the runtime puts a number of people off.

Anyway, I watched it and I was quite impressed! There are a number of sound issues, from dialogue being to quiet, to too much background noise. On the most part though, it's passable and doesn't detract too heavily from the rest of the work. There's some nice work in there, some great shots, I really liked the end shot, sweeping back from the house, revealing the officer taping off the scene.

Going back to the runtime, to prevent people being put off, I'd be shopping it as a 15 minute horror, as the last 4 minutes are the credit roll. This actually suprises me, it's almost like you've padded it out to reach the 20 minutes specified in your brief. Didn't anybody call you up on this?

Regardless, it's a really good film. Well done. You should be proud of your crew and the effort they put in.

mad_hatter said:

I'd also bet that the runtime puts a number of people off.

Click to expand...

Agree. I just clicked on this for a quick watch and was saw "20 minutes." I just got off work and need to get some things in order, then I'll watch this...

First off, good job!

richy said:

I felt like I was left with too little resolution of the story.

Click to expand...

I agree with this. However for your first writing gig, it was a strong idea. The atmosphere was quickly established and stayed strong. I loved the opening music and how the killer's foot appears in the foreground of the shot.

The locations were very well suited for this, especially that back door and basement. I don't know if that basement was physically at that spot, but when the detective pulled the debris away, peered in and looked down - I had a SILENCE OF THE LAMBS' moment. Nice and creepy.

mad_hatter said:

Going back to the runtime, to prevent people being put off, I'd be shopping it as a 15 minute horror, as the last 4 minutes are the credit roll.

Click to expand...

I read that and said, "Why?" Thankfully, the credits are about 2 minutes, 50 seconds. I read all the names, because I'm interested in how many people did what - and there were a lot of people, so this didn't bother me. They could have been a bit shorter, but I recently saw a 4 minute movie with 3 minutes of credits! They should be relative to the length of the movie.

Tlang said:

Audio is during large sectons weak and over powered by background chatter this was due to a) inexprirenace andb) lack of equipment.

Click to expand...

I'll take you to task here, because "equipment" is not an excuse, as long as you have something that records - either on set....or even months (years) later in post-production, when you do have more experience. The acting was quite good and it's too bad it was marred by the audio. A couple of things:

1) Whether it is a boom mic or crappy recorder, you need to get it close to your actors' mouths - within 1 - 3 feet. In other words, get all audio in closeup and you can use it for long shots. I've DP'd for people who didn't have mics, so I was sure to get the on camera mic close to the talent, since distance and room/ambient noise is the killer.

2) Audio can always be fixed, including this short, years later. Lionsgate released a movie of mine that was shot with a silent film camera. The whole thing is dubbed or wild sound. It's quite an easy thing to do as long as you have audio tracks to reference, and you did here. What I do is have my actors watch how the line was delivered and they duck into my walk in closet and say the new lines into the mic. They poke their heads out, watch the next couple of lines and do it, again.

Also, if I'm not sure that I can get them back (on my last feature, my actors came in from 1,000 miles away), I put them in a quiet place with the script and a mic, and have them read all their lines. They really need to be monitored and directed though. For instance, your detective is walking most of the time and I would instruct him to breath a little hard and talk, like he was moving. Actors almost always forget to act out exertion.

Though I hate the youtube audio quality, this video shows how we handled dubbing for EXILE, including the closet dubbing technique!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ya2SQJyUxP4


Listen to a couple seconds of THIS MP3 to see what our audio quality was like.


Anyway, I'm sure you want to just get onto the next thing, but since you mentioned that you would like to give this movie more exposure, you could feasibly tighten the edit and dub it. Great job, though.

Scoopicman thanks for your comments they are bang on the money, your right in what you say about my blaming the equipment was thinking it when i was typing it, and to this day it is still an area in which i have much to learn. most of our sound for this shoot was clear and as you say recorded with 3 to 4 feet from subject except the scenes where we shot the detective decending the stairs, I think our main issue were when it came to mastering the levels in the edit an area which i need much improvement.

The basement and barn were as you point out different locations about 250 miles apart and for me was at the time one of the trickest things to over come we shoot many different plates for this and bodged together with the help of after effects, the end product is one that for a first attempt we were pleased with.

Thanks for taking the time to watch my film and also for your thoughts, they are what keeps the fire burning and the reason i enjoy making short films.

I will be adding more in the future so please keep an eye out as will i for yours.

Thanks Tobie