I don't know if it is any use but I wrote it for a 'horror short' competition more to give it a go. I'm sure that as a layout it's not correct (I did it in Celtx) but I'm not sure if it really gets my idea across. It's meant to be a very subtle horror.

Celtx File Link (ftp://thorn_supremecenter32.com@supremecenter32.com/coresound.net/film/Horror%20Movie.celtx)

Any advice would be great.

Link doesn't work?? It's asking me to log on to something? Or am I being stupid?

If you prepared it in Celtx, simply export it as a PDF file. You can then post it on a public site. What kind of feedback are you seeking?

Sorry, the pdf is HERE (http://www.coresound.net/film/Harmless Fun.pdf)

What I'm looking for is 1. I feel that the script doesn't make it obvious that the CHILD is so hidden that even the audience could miss it. But at the moment I think it comes across as the standard 'Japanese' shock viewing of a spirit which is too obvious. and 2. I'm looking for input as to whatever else I might have missed or even to know if it is any good.

What I'm looking for is
1. I feel that the script doesn't make it obvious that the CHILD is so hidden that even the audience could miss it. But at the moment I think it comes across as the standard 'Japanese' shock viewing of a spirit which is too obvious. and
2. I'm looking for input as to whatever else I might have missed or even to know if it is any good.

While you didn't specifically ask for feedback on it, many of the parentheticals (or wrylies) were redundant or should be action statements. As a reader, I found them distracting.

Overall for (2), your treatment was good but seems a little 'flat'. Perhaps because I don't feel any connection to any of the characters. And as you note, it seems to follow the Japanese formula in a predictable way. Part of that is due to (1).

As regards feedback on (1), having the spirit visible kind of tips your hand. Since at the end the Child and Boy are holding hands, it's unlikely he's going to be afraid of him. So why is the father looking in all these places? Personally, having him talk to someone no one else can see is a bit more suspenseful. How can you flip it around a bit?

CHILD walks into parents bedroom. He stops in front of the bed.

------ CHILD
Wally is playing hide-and-go-seek. Daddy, can you help me find him?

FATHER looks over at MOTHER. He gets up and takes his son by the hand.
...


In this context, not having the Father see the Boy but the Child snickers, creates a sense of an invisible imaginary friend. After the Father leaves and talks with the Mother, flashback into the boys room where he's talking to no one.


------ CHILD
No. ... That's cool. ... I'd like to be able to do that. ... Climb a tree? ... You could teach me?

Child smiles and snuggles under his blanket.


You set a context. You kind of like the kid. Especially since the parents come across a cold and indifferent. In the end, you get a more sinister sense as you see the kid walking to the tree. It's still kind of formulaic but you create a sense of depth for the Child by contrasting it with the parent's shallowness. At least as much as you can in 6-7 pages.

There are many ways to work with your material. But you need, even in a short, to create one character which the audience can take interest in. Good luck.

thanks for all your input. My thinking is that the boy isn't scared of the CHILD, the way I intend it is that the boy is asking for his dad to check the room as he is scared of the dark or something going bump in the night but at the start is appears that it is the CHILD but when it comes to the kitchen and the very end it shows he isn't scared. It might be a bit too complicated to be shown when I'm trying to do it with little dialogue. I agree about the characters being very empty and it makes it so that you're not really bothered by what is happening.

... It might be a bit too complicated to be shown when I'm trying to do it with little dialogue. I agree about the characters being very empty and it makes it so that you're not really bothered by what is happening.

Part of the film is to show it visually. Be very careful, you want the audience to be bothered. In good horror and suspense, you need that itching powder. You need at least one non-empty character.