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watch So I'm trying to make a feature film at 20...

M

MoonFetish

Hey I'm new here, my name is Seth!
Anyways I wrote a feature film script and starting getting it to as many people as possible. Quite a few were interested in it and I was able to put money together to shoot the first few scenes of the film in Los Angeles (Still pretty low budget). I'd really appreciate it if you guys would check out my teaser trailer and let me know what you think!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMOawnUsNE0
http://www.wrongcrowdmovie.com/

Thanks!!
 
Nice

The opening dialogue is good, but it's Tarantino. You even took a line from Resavoir Dogs. "That's a tough situation." It may not be a direct quote, but it's one hell of a paraphrase. I'm not a sound guy, but:) the sound isn't right for this kind of dialogue. It sounds muffled?, mute? IDK Also, you've limited the camera angles you can use because you've put these guys against the wall,literally. Think about the "Madonna/Big Dick" scene in 'Dogs. They're at a table so he can get whatever shot he wants. With these guys against then wall, all you can do is change distance and direction. @ 4:23 the beer bottle is empty. Aren't these guys too pretty?????

Over all I liked it. Good work keep it up.
 
Some of Tarantino's characters have dropped the N-Bomb, but never in an openning scene (and off the top of my head, I don't think it's ever been the hero of the story). You're practically begging a great deal of your audience to hate your characters, and you'll have to work hard get them back.

I saw on your website that this is inspired by "American History X", so I assume we'll have some kind of redemption, some kind of big lesson learned, and big changes made. So, yeah, we need to see his racism, in it's ugliest state, in order for this transformation to make any sense. I just don't think it should come so early. Let us warm up to the character. Give us some reasons to like him, before you punch us in the face with the fact that he's an asshole who needs to change.

I'll respectfully disagree with Murdock, regarding how you shot the dialogue -- I think it looks really nice.

I'm curious to see where this project goes. I think it has the potential to be either extremely profound, or just offensive as shit. Depends on how you treat the subject matter. I admire you for taking on such an explosive subject, but be careful. You've got guts to tackle something like this; I hope it works out for the better.

My first feature is about boobs and farts!
 
Cracker Funk said:
I'll respectfully disagree with Murdock, regarding how you shot the dialogue -- I think it looks really nice.
My first feature is about boobs and farts!
Click to expand...

You always berate me in public. I hate you......Did you say boobs and farts???? All is forgiven. :)
 
Boobs and farts? Sounds rad.

Thanks for checking it out guys, appreciate the criticism :)

The Tarantino thing, can't say I remember that line, but this scene is kind of unique in the script because it's a conversation I had with a friend almost word for word, which I guess is his style since it doesn't directly relate to the story.

With Julian dropping the n-bomb, yeah I want him to be hated, but still intriguing. There is some kind of wrap up at the end that makes sure the language isn't seen as glorifying racism, but it isn't an in your face after school special kind of lesson :)

Thanks guys
 
Here's that line. Start at 4:55. Hell watch the whole thing. LIke I said, the dialogue is good. It just sounds like Tarantino, which isn't a bad thing to most people.:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9ObbvrQxAc
 
very rarely am i impressed by something i see from someone saying "hey i'm new look at this!" but i liked this a lot. it only took about 5 seconds to realize your main influence in tarantino, but that's not a bad path to follow. The images weren't terribly interesting, but the writing made up for it. I suppose in a dialogue heavy scene/film the visuals don't need to be very rich.

kudos, i hope you finish your film!
 
I hate to repeat what's already been said, but the dialogue is very Tarantino-esque. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. I think you've separated it and made it your own quite well.

As for the language, I think the slur against the store owner is very natural, but the use of 'the n bomb' is less so. It seems like it's in there to indicate that this guy is racist and we should hate him. The condescending way he describes the audi driver in the story kinda tells us that already. But racism isn't the same over here as it is in the states, so I don't really know what I'm talking about.

I do like the way he says 'stab their eyes out' though, as opposed to something generic like 'kick their ass'.

I would quite like to see the rest of your movie, I hope you get to finish it. Keep us updated ok :)

P.s. In a lot of shots the actor who plays Julian looks like an ex of mine. I automatically hate him. :P
 
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