• READ BEFORE POSTING!
    • If posting a video, please post HERE, unless it is a video as part of an advertisement and then post it in this section.
    • If replying to threads please remember this is the Promotion area and the person posting may not be open to feedback.

watch 'Unforgettable' - Short Film

It's always cool to see other's shorts and I think this one is nice! I love the way the story builds up and there's a nice twist. Some critisicm: I think the lighting is too hard, but on the other hand, it adds to the surreal atmosphere. The next time however you should get rid of the paper reflections.

For the camera work: I think the hand held style works great when the story gets intense, but maybe you could have made a contrast with the beginning and make the camera move more 'stabily' in the beginning.

A tiny detail: the cracking in the beginning is a bit anoying. I mean, old grammaphone discs do crack a bit, but not that much! (well depending on the quality of the system and the disc of course..)

Keep up the good work!
 
1st shot not well done, shaky, also extraneous. Better to keep title secret at first, start with dropping needle.

1st shot of guy on couch, bad framing / centered.

Same bad framing shot repeats with a shaky push in, and lasts too long. Better to have the "Daniel," VO start sooner, maybe not even show man at first, wonder what he looks like rather than see blatantly that he's just sitting there listening to a record (no suspense).

Restaurant weird, intentionally, but the hair blows out with too much brightness overhead (camera can't handle it). Also some weird discoloration happens intermittently that doesn't look intentional.

Flat lighting (and icky color temp?) in the apartment looks blah.

Newspaper (copyright?) obviously not the Telegraph.

--

Pretty ambitious concept, could probably be redone from scratch.

Need to establish the relationship between man and woman before she dies. Nothing really revelatory happens in restaurant conversation. Could use a first meeting kind of thing, first date, etc.

Better restaurant scene to build up with the dialogue as well, instead of just relying on repetitive editing techniques. Each line should move the story forward.

Other than some sadness, and revealing the kid, how does the man arc from beginning to end?
 
That was really good. The audio, lighting, and set-construction were a bit distracting, but your narrative works to terrific effect, for me. I think you did a wonderful job pulling us into his head.
 
I thought that was great. Very well done for a micro-budget piece, solid performances, nice editing...trippy. I think some of the photography was a little too shaky or ill-composed...but for the most part it looked good. The lighting was very cool in some shots, and other shots was a little too harsh...but it fit the trippiness of it all...so that's cool. The audio was OK and there was good use of song...however, it needs a lot more TLC...Let's just say I thought it was all awesome, and I wish the production value was a bit higher on all aspects because I loved the concept and performances.

The only thing I really didn't care for was the news-clipping (internet printout) at the end...not the production value of it...but there was no need for it. It's obvious what happened. I say get rid of it. It's a cliche and it cheapened the moment for me. No huge deal...just a point.

Cheers. Nice work.
 
Last edited:
I second what Oculus said about the camera. I'm not a fan of the shaky camera, but when the action is crazy and frantic then it's acceptable. However, during the normal dialogue scenes, or when he's just sitting on the couch, I think those should be tripod or if you have to do hand-held then do a better job of keeping it still.

I'm not crazy about the newspaper ending. For one thing, the newspaper looked very fake, but for another, I think that maybe it was too much of an easy answer? If you were open to a darker ending then perhaps have him in some kind of institution and one psychiatrist is explaining to another psychiatrist about how and why he lost his memory. If you want a slightly happier version then maybe have it be his last day in the institution, and even though he hasn't regained his memory of the event, he's normal in every other aspect and now gets to go home and be with his daughter.

Overall it was well done, so congrats. It is very cool. If it were mine these would be the changes I would make though.

Good luck.
 
Thank you all so much for the kind words and suggestions!

Lighting: Yes with the lighting: it was difficult and as a matter of a fact it was even harsher in the raw footage because i had to film it on the stage of my school hall where i was not allowed to re-do the lights (as there was a school performance being done at the time that needed the lights the way they were - so i was told to live with that :S) but i tried correcting it a bit, still harsh yeah but i'm glad they pulled off the surreality that I intended at times.

Camera: The shaky camera work is a bad habit of mine - I used to have a shoulder mounted Panasonic that recently died so i had acquired a HV40 (obviously smaller and handheld) which proved to be a lot more shakier that my old camera that would be steadied out most of the time by my shoulder support. Shall definitely use a tripod more though haha.

And finally with the newspaper clipping at the end, i was actually never going to put it in there (it was just simply going to end with the stylus lifting from the record and smash cutting) but as this was a school project ( a major work for English Extension 2 ) my teacher had her input of telling me that i should do that so that if people are confused they understood it...mistake :P hahaha

But i shall definitely take all your critique and use it to make a better result for next time! Thank you so much, i appreciate it!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top