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watch Short film Recollection (youtube video)

Hey, not bad. I can see you put a lot of effort into
this. Nice job :)

What was your assignment? I'm just curious because
it seems like whenever people from the commonwealth
post their high school projects, they are always about
junkies. Is there a required course in short film/drug
culture? lol. I'm not actually trying to say anything bad
about you, I've just noticed it and thought it was strange...

But about your film. You asked for it :P

I like the way the memories are in black and white while
'now' is in color. It wasn't clear at first, but it really helped
to put it together.

Didn't care for the fact that we don't see a person's face for
80% of it. I wondered for a while if it was intentional, to
distance us from the characters (personally, I think we
should be a bit more intimate with the main character in a
short like this, lots of close-ups, etc.).

But then you showed some faces, so I started to think it
wasn't on purpose. This may not be the case, but in the
therapy scene, the way the main character hides his face
in his hands makes me think he's not confident in his acting
abilities. Looking down and covering your face on film is
usually not a good idea. It's kind of like turning your back
to the audience on stage.

Story-wise, let me see if I got it, and you can tell me if I missed
anything :)
It's about a kid who gets high and commits
some heinous stuff, but he's blacked out and so all he's getting
are disturbing flashes of memory. He goes to the therapist who
isn't much help. A man follows him, and convinced that he is an
hallucination, kills him. He finds a camera that contains clues that
refresh his memory.
After that, I got lost :(

Good luck with the exams, and keep up the film stuff :)
 
I would probably:


*Try to stabilize a few of the shots, like 0:53 – 0:59 and 2:33


*Cut at 1:31 so you don’t get that pan bump at 1:32 (Or maybe add a flash or jump cut feel there to work with the bump.)


*Not sure what that is at 1:41, but I might think about a better transition there AND fade in some ambient audio as he put his shoes on.


*Cut the 2nd instance of the girl looking at him (2:31).
(The 1st shot of her nails it - I would just cut from it TO 2:33 until 2:43 and cut before he looks to the side (So he is straightforward and focused, one track mind) and before the fade, then continue at 2:48 (Stairs) and cut at like 2:50 51 or 52 (preferably cut on action so there is less or no dead weight to the end of that shot and the momentum continues into the next shot. I would lose the 2nd instance of Ext. stairs at 3:01, it’s redundant and as a whole adds forward momentum killing length to what is already over emphasized by the music.)

*I would cut at 3:00 AND cut the music there too. (And add a SLAM, or something with a little delay/echo that will trail off into the water glass sliding across the table.)

*I would bump up the water glass scene a little so we enter the scene on it already being pushed across the table.


*3:22- Whites are pretty blown out in this whole section, could be worked on I guess.
(As a whole, the glass slide intro of the sequence is sweet and the killing flashbacks are great, but I would rework the core of the whole scene by taking some of the over blown and continuity weird footage out and utilizing the audio over the best arrangement of footage that you leave in. You can and should make this scene much better, it feels like the whole thing hinges on it and coincidentally it also seems to be the weakest scene.)


*4:53- Cool shot through the foliage.
(I would stabilize this shot, but also come into at 4:54 with a SLAM sound effect when he pushes open the door -to punctuate changing of the scenes and tone/feel.)


*6:11 – 6:12 - I would lose this shot and cut right to the POV of the Panasonic screen.


*6:13- I might try to superimpose a still from the shot at like 6:18 onto the Panasonic screen, so we can transition from the Panasonic to the next scene in a visually interesting way.


*6:18 – This shot feels too long, I would cut from it sooner.


*6:25 – I would begin this next shot at 6:25 so as to skip the camera wobble.


*6:38 – Needs a good transition out of the B&W back to the kid. I might consider losing the shot from behind him at 6:39 and just come back on the Panasonic at 6:41- (Some echo on the B&W dialogue would be cool too.)


*6:46 - I would shorten the injection flashback. (The syringe size is hilarious BTW)


*6:50 – I would lose this shot and just start the V.O. on the Panasonic at 6:51.


*End part:
(Another pivotal part that you should refine. I would cut faster (Make shorter) on AND use the movements of the Car at 6:56, the Girl turning at 6:57, lose the shot of him at 6:59 and go right to The Guy at 7:02. So Car! Girl! Guy! (at a good speed), then cut to 7:03 (His eyes close up) for a second or two, then to 7:07 (Strangle flash back), then finally to 7:05 (the zoom out on the kids face) and BLACK!

The End.


-Thanks-
 
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