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watch The Narcissist

It’s really good.

I especially like that you shot against the windows with no blow out.
I like the movement and timing of (What I will call) the flashback to the bedroom.
I like the choice of what to shoot (Shoes, shades)

Two minor things I wished it had:

1. A few insert shots (the door handle, the glass when pouring) to vary from the wide.

2. Some minor conflict gestured between the two (one is going to leave, one is sad for a moment.. even just a look), nothing major, but just enough of something to provide a dynamic to ramp down from before the end. This could be artistic choice, but you invented and invited me through the looking glass, but with no minor conflict to witness or feel or learn something from, then I don’t have a sense of change or the fullfillment of having been to the ball when the clock strikes midnight and it comes time for the end.


All in all, great job. I think you should explore this style more.

-Thanks-
 
I don’t know how much was deliberate, and how much is “critic”, so I’m going to say what I see, and you can tell me what was deliberate or not :)

Like the black and white, works very well. The camera shot with the sunglasses-deliberate non-use of tripod? I found it a little distracting.

The head form in the mirror was a nice touch(again, deliberate stop motion? As opposed to putting it on a stand and rotating it off screen?)

You “borrowed” my dripping faucet from Delivery Day! :lol: ( I kid)

Zoom into the mirror was well done.

I’m hearing “burbling” in the sound, and I am now convinced it is my computer that is doing it, so I’m discounting it (and am relieved it was “my” system).

Maybe it’s my ears, but the voiceover seemed to be getting drowned out by the music (or I’m going deaf, which is quite possible)-I would bring the music down just a tad.

The piano music was well done!

Again “shakey” camera of being strapped to the bed-I would have again had tripod (again, “Art”? ) Having said that, the “foreshadowing” is very effective :

Far be it for me to talk about lighting lol-I will mention the shadows-again, maybe it’s intentional (yea, I know, the converted now preaching to the orginal teacher :lol:)

The camera angles are simple and effective, well done.
Overall, the hints of “all may not be well” work well with the film

I’ve been waiting a while for this, thanks Dready! I think you’ve definitely got something here that tells a good story-again the music was very appropriate and worked well.
Good job!
 
I really liked your short for all of the reasons listed by Buddy and Tina above. I think you should have used a tripod on the opening shots (credits) as the shaky camera and hard cuts between each shot kind'a hurt the creative design you were going for.

Plus if you are doing the split screen effect the way you did it in this short you must be very meticulous about where you lock your tripod down. There was a slight shift in the shot during the toast that gave the effect away and hurt the illusion. Then at the piano the two versions of the character were so close that one sort of faded into the other. If you are going to duplicate character's like that you must make sure the camera is locked down consistently in the right place for all takes and be sure to keep a safe distance between the characters. That said, with some composite work you could have had these characters interact more closely with each other, even touch each other. Still not a bad effort from you with the effect.

Super kudos for pulling that shot off in front of those windows without blowing the scene out.

Nice art short. I liked it.
 
Thanks everyone for the awesome feedback! I'm really proud of this and I'm glad you guys liked it. :)

It’s really good.

I especially like that you shot against the windows with no blow out.
Thanks, I'm really proud that I got that to work. It was actually just as simple as blasting my 500watt work light at the action.

Two minor things I wished it had:

1. A few insert shots (the door handle, the glass when pouring) to vary from the wide.
Agreed. After seeing the finished product(or close to it) a bunch of times, I became painfully aware of how excruciatingly long that master shot at the table was. If I were to go back to it, I would add in all those things you said plus some more OTS shots etc.

2. Some minor conflict gestured between the two (one is going to leave, one is sad for a moment.. even just a look), nothing major, but just enough of something to provide a dynamic to ramp down from before the end. This could be artistic choice, but you invented and invited me through the looking glass, but with no minor conflict to witness or feel or learn something from, then I don’t have a sense of change or the fullfillment of having been to the ball when the clock strikes midnight and it comes time for the end.
You're probably right, but I wanted the piece to be a bit more experimental and open to interpretation. I think there are a lot of stories I think you could tell based on this interaction (you called them flashbacks, Tina called them foreshadowing, I haven't decided what I think they are). It would have made it better with more of a middle though, for sure :)

Like the black and white, works very well. The camera shot with the sunglasses-deliberate non-use of tripod? I found it a little distracting.
Yes it was deliberate, I was using my homemade steadycam(in fact all the whole opening sequence minus the 'head/mirror' were shot with the steadycam), which seems to work well, especially with the added weight of the adapter. (side note: anyone got any good ideas for some dead weight to add to the rig to make it more stable?)

The fact that it's still shaky is largely because I am still getting used to the flip from the adapter. Having said that, I really like the movement in the shots, I actually chose those over more 'stable' shots of the same things :)

The head form in the mirror was a nice touch(again, deliberate stop motion? As opposed to putting it on a stand and rotating it off screen?)
Thanks, I'm in love with that shot! It was deliberate stop motion, or my attempt at it. I didn't do 1 frame per movement, which is why it's 'jerky', I just wanted a little bit here and there.

You “borrowed” my dripping faucet from Delivery Day! ( I kid)

Zoom into the mirror was well done.
Thankyou sony vegas, I will take credit for that smooth zoom if I must :P
Maybe it’s my ears, but the voiceover seemed to be getting drowned out by the music (or I’m going deaf, which is quite possible)-I would bring the music down just a tad.
I'm not sure what happened to the audio. I had the mix perfect in Vegas and when I rendered, but on youtube I agree the VO is a bit low compared to the music.

Any sound folks know what I might be doing wrong? I'm pretty sure every render is lossless :/ ...

The piano music was well done!
I'll tell Sean, he'll be super happy!

Again “shakey” camera of being strapped to the bed-I would have again had tripod (again, “Art”? ) Having said that, the “foreshadowing” is very effective :
Yeah, totally intentional. I wanted a really frantic flash like a memory that you only remember emotionally.

Far be it for me to talk about lighting lol-I will mention the shadows-again, maybe it’s intentional (yea, I know, the converted now preaching to the orginal teacher)
I used mainly natural light for this, but were there any parts that particularly stood out as more shadowy than others?

Plus if you are doing the split screen effect the way you did it in this short you must be very meticulous about where you lock your tripod down. There was a slight shift in the shot during the toast that gave the effect away and hurt the illusion.
Hmm, yeah I was wondering what was causing that. As far as I know the camera did not move a millimeter. I had everything taped/locked down and used the remote to start and stop between takes. It's only weird, too because when I see those little jumps, I can't tell the difference. As in, I can't see that one side is drooping or anything... weird.

Then at the piano the two versions of the character were so close that one sort of faded into the other. If you are going to duplicate character's like that you must make sure the camera is locked down consistently in the right place for all takes and be sure to keep a safe distance between the characters. That said, with some composite work you could have had these characters interact more closely with each other, even touch each other. Still not a bad effort from you with the effect.
Agree, I should have rotoscoped that portion. Must. Not. Let. Self. Get. Tired. And. Lazy. About. Rotoscoping.
Super kudos for pulling that shot off in front of those windows without blowing the scene out.

Nice art short. I liked it.

Thank you! Like I said, that 500watt work light is a godsend, even if it throws harsh indiscriminate light, you can wrangle it if you need to.

And thanks to everyone else, too!

Any more feedback is completely welcome!! :D
 
Hey Dready! Good work! Nice to see you're keeping at it!

Time to collaborate with more ppl and give ur bf a break? ;)

PS

Hadnt been online for a few days so missed ur thread, Tina gave me the heads up on ur new vid and told me to check it out.
 
Hey Dready! Good work! Nice to see you're keeping at it!

Time to collaborate with more ppl and give ur bf a break? ;)

HAHA! I know, I need to find some more like minded people around here. There's an indie meetup for the north side, but I'm kinda intimidated by it. I'm still such a newb.
PS

Hadnt been online for a few days so missed ur thread, Tina gave me the heads up on ur new vid and told me to check it out.

I guess I should say thanks to Tina for the free marketing legwork! :P
 

Haha! One of two things is true:

-- you already knew the meaning of "Irayo", which would make you a major Avatard.
-- you noticed (quite plainly) that I'm an Avatard, and googled how to say what you wanted.

I'm guessing the latter, but either way, you're badass.

I liked this video the first time I watched it, and I still like it. Great concept. Cool poetry. Good music. And, the effects work well (I'm assuming those aren't twin actors, but split-screen).

One critique I might add -- shorten it. By a lot. In reading the previous posts in this thread, I know you don't plan to go back to this project, and that's something I completely understand, so I'm not saying you should actually re-cut it. But for future projects, maybe consider making those cuts a bit faster, keep that narrative moving along. Somebody else mentioned that you add more cutaway shots. Yeah, that's cool. But I think it'd benefit more by a faster pace.

I look forward to seeing your future projects.
 
good job,lot of work went into this it looks like. i dont like the opening mannaquin scene but love the opening actor scene...w/the tnnent-the door bell-the tennent again. didnt like the shadows at the door..looked kind of hitchcock..if it was suspense but other than that i dont like big shadows. love music and naraTION.i OKAY,MY MOUSE IS DEAD sO i am using a touchscreen keeybord and its too sensative to touch,,thats why the typing mess is all over....anyway good job.
 
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