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watch The Queen's Gambit - Short Film

K

kevorkian

Insert text here

Hi guys!

We would like to get some critical feedback about our short film. This is the 3rd short we've made and we really think this one is the best we've come up with so far, but like all films, they need to be critiqued

This was made as part of the v48hours film festival in New Zealand. We had to use a character named 'Sidney Manson', a prop that was a 'broken toy', use the line, "When you look at it that way" and it had to be about Sport.

You can see our short film here, and we would highly appreciate some feedback... preferably constructive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4T6rwLde31Q

Looking forward to getting some decent comments and tips/pointers so that we can really nail the next one!.

Thanks guys!
 
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Oh yeah.. We also had to use a specific camera shot for the first time this year. This year it was a Dolly Zoom. Let us know what you think We think it turned out alright for a first attempt.
 
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Chess is a sport? Oh well, I think it was a really good film. Can't offer much advice, though, except maybe the chess players could look like they're really sweating, you know, intensly focused on the game. The heartbeat was effective in the sound track. I look forward to seeing more from you!
 
Opening scene could have used a filter, Lots of blues. Maybe you meant to do this to get a downer effect but at the beginning I wouldn't do this. It will make the audience in a depressed mood from the start and you want to capture them first, not depress them. To me it looks like an error on the cinematographer.

I like how you posed me to ask a question at the beginning of the film; "How did it control his life?" A good hook for a short.

@ 1:39 there was a jump cut (also at the end of the tournament there was one). She is on the right, him left. Then she is on the left, him right. @ 1:45 you went back to their original locations. Please read other reviews of mine to figure out how NOT to do this. If you already know, then why did you let this happen?

I like the chess board on the patio ground. Good scene set up and use of depth of field. The only dull point was the back wall was extremely dull and boring. Other scenes were not as impressive throughout but they didn't hurt the film either. But note, they didn’t enhance the story either.

Lighting seemed fair at best throughout, could have done a much better job. I suspect you used natural light?

This is the first time I'm saying this but the acting was weak. Almost to the point where I felt they have never done any kind of acting work before. Also at one point the dialogue was so bad, something the girlfriend/wife said, it made me cringe. Also, after yelling at him in one scene it looked like the guy was smiling as she walked away.

** Sound ** I'm coming to understand that most of these projects on this site are two tracks or less. I can't say this enough, sound is 50 percent of the film. If you give me music and dialogue I can't get into the scene. It just don't allow me to believe what's going on up on the screen. Sound is a key component that gives atmosphere to a film, not fucking 3D (sorry, had to do it because of past debates and comments in other threads and the 3D has nothing to do with you folks ; ) ). I want to feel like I'm in the room at the chess tournament. I want to hear the chess piece hit the board. I want to be uncomfortable because I'm in the room where they are fighting. Sound will help capture your audience's attention and damn it, at least try and do a foley session. Try and put in some ambient sound with the music track. I don't know, maybe your editing programs only allows you two tracks but I've never seen this on any program. Remember, if you take away the image and listen to just the sound I should still know what is going on.

Story was fine and moved okay. It’s bit simple and predicable once it got going but it's just a short and your third film. I'm glad you resolved my question at the end. If you hadn't I would have ripped you a new a$$.

Beyond that and knowing this is your third short (you said it), it's time to challenge yourselves and take risks. The cameraman needs to find more interesting shots (move the camera but remember, it has to have purpose). The editor could maybe try to tell the story so it isn't so simply done. If it doesn't work then he can change it back to the simple way. WORK WITH SOUND and NO SOUND TRACKS ON THE NEXT ONE! ZERO! Challenge yourselves for crying out loud. The sets looked dull, I would try and add more color to the scenes. If you want to show that they are happy, then explode me with color. Then get duller as the relationship starts to deteriorate and his life starts falling apart. Better lighting would have helped this. But at least you tried to use depth of field which I applauded you. I think one other I reviewed tried to use depth. It's NOT a bad film but not enough for me to tell a friend to see it.


EDIT: Also, you had one great transition from one scene to another which i meant to mention. Where he is sitting there and you transitioned the same look to another location. Good job.

Good luck.
 
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I mostly agree with wridingrlm. Needed more sounds other than the voices and the music. Also, the colors were somewhat muted and everything seemed sort of dull. Acting was kind of weak, though it did have promise (I got the feeling that if they had got into the skins of the characters a bit more it would have been more natural and less stilted). Use some more interesting camera angles. At the chess tourney maybe more of the camera moving across the crowd and the players and maybe an overhead shot of the board and the players.

You're on the right path, just more spit and polish needed.
 
wridingrlm said:
Opening scene could have used a filter, Lots of blues. Maybe you meant to do this to get a downer effect but at the beginning I wouldn't do this. It will make the audience in a depressed mood from the start and you want to capture them first, not depress them. To me it looks like an error on the cinematographer.

I like how you posed me to ask a question at the beginning of the film; "How did it control his life?" A good hook for a short.

@ 1:39 there was a jump cut (also at the end of the tournament there was one). She is on the right, him left. Then she is on the left, him right. @ 1:45 you went back to their original locations. Please read other reviews of mine to figure out how NOT to do this. If you already know, then why did you let this happen?

I like the chess board on the patio ground. Good scene set up and use of depth of field. The only dull point was the back wall was extremely dull and boring. Other scenes were not as impressive throughout but they didn't hurt the film either. But note, they didn’t enhance the story either.

Lighting seemed fair at best throughout, could have done a much better job. I suspect you used natural light?

This is the first time I'm saying this but the acting was weak. Almost to the point where I felt they have never done any kind of acting work before. Also at one point the dialogue was so bad, something the girlfriend/wife said, it made me cringe. Also, after yelling at him in one scene it looked like the guy was smiling as she walked away.

** Sound ** I'm coming to understand that most of these projects on this site are two tracks or less. I can't say this enough, sound is 50 percent of the film. If you give me music and dialogue I can't get into the scene. It just don't allow me to believe what's going on up on the screen. Sound is a key component that gives atmosphere to a film, not fucking 3D (sorry, had to do it because of past debates and comments in other threads and the 3D has nothing to do with you folks ; ) ). I want to feel like I'm in the room at the chess tournament. I want to hear the chess piece hit the board. I want to be uncomfortable because I'm in the room where they are fighting. Sound will help capture your audience's attention and damn it, at least try and do a foley session. Try and put in some ambient sound with the music track. I don't know, maybe your editing programs only allows you two tracks but I've never seen this on any program. Remember, if you take away the image and listen to just the sound I should still know what is going on.

Story was fine and moved okay. It’s bit simple and predicable once it got going but it's just a short and your third film. I'm glad you resolved my question at the end. If you hadn't I would have ripped you a new a$$.

Beyond that and knowing this is your third short (you said it), it's time to challenge yourselves and take risks. The cameraman needs to find more interesting shots (move the camera but remember, it has to have purpose). The editor could maybe try to tell the story so it isn't so simply done. If it doesn't work then he can change it back to the simple way. WORK WITH SOUND and NO SOUND TRACKS ON THE NEXT ONE! ZERO! Challenge yourselves for crying out loud. The sets looked dull, I would try and add more color to the scenes. If you want to show that they are happy, then explode me with color. Then get duller as the relationship starts to deteriorate and his life starts falling apart. Better lighting would have helped this. But at least you tried to use depth of field which I applauded you. I think one other I reviewed tried to use depth. It's NOT a bad film but not enough for me to tell a friend to see it.


EDIT: Also, you had one great transition from one scene to another which i meant to mention. Where he is sitting there and you transitioned the same look to another location. Good job.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

WOW. Now THIS is the kind of thing we're after. I hadn't even noticed that jump scene... DAMNIT! Thank you so much for the constructive criticism. I will be checking out your posts about eliminating jump scenes etc, can you link me the threads?

Thanks again wridingrlm :)
 
TheMurph said:
I mostly agree with wridingrlm. Needed more sounds other than the voices and the music. Also, the colors were somewhat muted and everything seemed sort of dull. Acting was kind of weak, though it did have promise (I got the feeling that if they had got into the skins of the characters a bit more it would have been more natural and less stilted). Use some more interesting camera angles. At the chess tourney maybe more of the camera moving across the crowd and the players and maybe an overhead shot of the board and the players.

You're on the right path, just more spit and polish needed.
Click to expand...

The tournament scene was a real challenge because of the limited number of people we had available to help us. It was also the first time where we used multiple short shots of different things in an attempt to build suspense. Hopefully next year we can really nail it :) :)
 
Hey. I'm also part of the crew that made this movie.

Thanks for all the constructive criticism, but you do realise we only had 48 hours to write, shoot and cut this film right? So the level of perfection you're getting at is extremely hard to achieve.

Also as for the actors, none of them have had prior experience.

And as for what you were talking about at 1.45.. i've had a look and I can't see any errors there? They are in the same locations for the entire scene, it's just the camera that changes locations.

Anyways, thanks again :) We'll definitely take your tips into account for next years competition.

wridingrlm said:
Opening scene could have used a filter, Lots of blues. Maybe you meant to do this to get a downer effect but at the beginning I wouldn't do this. It will make the audience in a depressed mood from the start and you want to capture them first, not depress them. To me it looks like an error on the cinematographer.

I like how you posed me to ask a question at the beginning of the film; "How did it control his life?" A good hook for a short.

@ 1:39 there was a jump cut (also at the end of the tournament there was one). She is on the right, him left. Then she is on the left, him right. @ 1:45 you went back to their original locations. Please read other reviews of mine to figure out how NOT to do this. If you already know, then why did you let this happen?

I like the chess board on the patio ground. Good scene set up and use of depth of field. The only dull point was the back wall was extremely dull and boring. Other scenes were not as impressive throughout but they didn't hurt the film either. But note, they didn’t enhance the story either.

Lighting seemed fair at best throughout, could have done a much better job. I suspect you used natural light?

This is the first time I'm saying this but the acting was weak. Almost to the point where I felt they have never done any kind of acting work before. Also at one point the dialogue was so bad, something the girlfriend/wife said, it made me cringe. Also, after yelling at him in one scene it looked like the guy was smiling as she walked away.

** Sound ** I'm coming to understand that most of these projects on this site are two tracks or less. I can't say this enough, sound is 50 percent of the film. If you give me music and dialogue I can't get into the scene. It just don't allow me to believe what's going on up on the screen. Sound is a key component that gives atmosphere to a film, not fucking 3D (sorry, had to do it because of past debates and comments in other threads and the 3D has nothing to do with you folks ; ) ). I want to feel like I'm in the room at the chess tournament. I want to hear the chess piece hit the board. I want to be uncomfortable because I'm in the room where they are fighting. Sound will help capture your audience's attention and damn it, at least try and do a foley session. Try and put in some ambient sound with the music track. I don't know, maybe your editing programs only allows you two tracks but I've never seen this on any program. Remember, if you take away the image and listen to just the sound I should still know what is going on.

Story was fine and moved okay. It’s bit simple and predicable once it got going but it's just a short and your third film. I'm glad you resolved my question at the end. If you hadn't I would have ripped you a new a$$.

Beyond that and knowing this is your third short (you said it), it's time to challenge yourselves and take risks. The cameraman needs to find more interesting shots (move the camera but remember, it has to have purpose). The editor could maybe try to tell the story so it isn't so simply done. If it doesn't work then he can change it back to the simple way. WORK WITH SOUND and NO SOUND TRACKS ON THE NEXT ONE! ZERO! Challenge yourselves for crying out loud. The sets looked dull, I would try and add more color to the scenes. If you want to show that they are happy, then explode me with color. Then get duller as the relationship starts to deteriorate and his life starts falling apart. Better lighting would have helped this. But at least you tried to use depth of field which I applauded you. I think one other I reviewed tried to use depth. It's NOT a bad film but not enough for me to tell a friend to see it.


EDIT: Also, you had one great transition from one scene to another which i meant to mention. Where he is sitting there and you transitioned the same look to another location. Good job.

Good luck.
Click to expand...
 
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"but you do realise we only had 48 hours to write, shoot and cut this film right? So the level of perfection you're getting at is extremely hard to achieve."

Like I said in the long drummer (I think that's the title), a recent post in this same thread, I don't understand the reasoning behind these 48 hour film festivals. If you have a concept you love then don't drag it through the mud and do it in a matter of minutes. That is not my fault you decide to go that route and join a festival which put barriers around your work. I would say these type of festivals teach one thing, deadlines, besides that it offers nothing more then the possiblity of mistakes in your work. And deadlines can be reached by making sure in pre-production you have a good shooting schedule and sticking to it. And if I had to choose between the other film (which had fewer mistakes) and yours, the winner goes to them. Go ahead and look at their film. Heck, there was another film posted very recently which was done in one day, they didn't have the same issues (it was called helper).

How did I guess the actors didn't have prior experience? Damn I'm good. :P Which asks the question, why the hell did you use them when there are so many actors hoping to work and get coverage? You knew you were going to enter a film festival weeks, if not months before hand and you should have searched them out. That is called pre-production. But hey, you obviously know what you're doing.

"They are in the same locations for the entire scene, it's just the camera that changes locations."

No......, you don't say. :no:

Reviewed footage........

Yep, that's a jump cut. :lol:


Good luck in your future shoots and learn a lesson from your partner, be gracious when you receive criticism and that people actually took the time to look at your work. Funny, you two want people to give you feedback on your work and then your partner wants me to post links. Why not try and look at other people's work and learn from their mistakes (or sucesses) by reading their criticism, hell, you might learn something. Or do you have another 48 film festival you need to enter.
 
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Not really too sure why you're giving me the bad attitude, I took your criticism well, I was just pointing out a few things.

We do the festival because it's fun. Simple as that.

And we don't want to find pro actors. We want our friends to do it.. because again, it's fun.

Cheers.
 
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