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watch Short film feedback please

Scene 1:streets

David (17) is walking in a fast pace as he sees a man following him, he quickly walks into an office slamming the door behind him.

(camera looks upwards at the office sign indicating its a therapist's office).

Scene 2: Therapist office

Dr. Jones

Can you remember anything from before the accident David?

David doesn't respond as his starring at a letter opener knife on the table.

DR. JONES

David,i know its hard but were not going to get anywhere if you don't talk to me.

DAVID

Hard? i felt nothing, i buried my brother and felt nothing

DR. JONES

It's alright David I'm here to help you. i want to try an activity with you; i need you to lie down. (David lies down). Now i want you close your eyes and just listen to my voice. Your name is David Renalds... you are 17 years old, your parents names are Joseph and Sarah Renalds... (His voice slowly drifts away).


(The camera pans David's body stopping at his neck)

Scene 3: Flashback

David has a flashback of him drowning a woman

Shot from David's point of view.

Scene 4: therapists office

David jumps up panicking

DR. JONES

What was it David, did you remember anything?

DAVID

A woman...

DR. JONES

What about a woman?

DAVID

I was drowning her...

David is trembling

Pause

DR. JONES

David calm down it’s alright; dreams like this are common after experiencing the trauma that you’ve endured. It’s likely to be your subconscious dealing with your unresolved emotions from your brother’s death.

David

No... Somethings wrong,i feel like I'm being watched. it's like I'm apart of someones twisted game… what if the crash wasn’t an accident; what if there was no crash.

Dr. Jones

you’re paranoid David, you hear what you want to hear and see what you want to see.

Dr. Jones writes in his note pad

DAVID

No, I'm not crazy

Dr. Jones writes in his note pad

Stop writing can you just stop, writing!

DR. JONES

It's alright David, your ill and you need help. I'm going to prescribe you medication to calm your nerves and eliminate your paranoia.

DAVID

No, you just want to drug me, your not even a real therapist.

David picks up the knife and stands up pacing

David

A therapist wouldn't have a knife out in the open when dealing with mentally unfit patients.

David holds the knife to the therapist neck and whispers

you did this to me, your in on it too, aren't you?!?!

DR. JONES

David I'm trying to help you

David searches Dr. Jones and finds a his phone that he throws against the wall, then he runs out of the office.

Scene 5: Streets

On the street David feels everyones eyes drawn to him, he also sees that a man is following him, he begins to run and the man follows.

Dr. Jones Narration

Your paranoid David you hear what you want to hear and see what you want to see.

David continues to run while ignoring the voices. He disappears around a corner and jumps out and stabs the man following him. David's shaking as he looks down at the body. He bends down and picks up a piece of paper and a pen.

Dr. Jones Narration

Your name is David Renalds, you are 19 years old, your parents names are Joseph and Sarah Renalds,you were inspired by your mother to act at an early age and now you are famous.

He drops to his knees and his eyes begin to water.

Scene 6: Flashback

David has a flashback of him drowning a woman

Director

CUT!!!


Thanks for last feedback helped heaps, love some more great ideas and soon hope to post the film. :yes:
 
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