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watch Cursed Monkey Business

G

GetIcedPro

I've been trying to make a movie every week. Last week I posted a thread about my movie 60 Second Meals. This week my friends and I got together and made another no budget short, Cursed Monkey Business. It didn't turn out how we had hoped but once again I'm looking for more critiques.

Cursed Monkey Business
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hd79b6uSTzA
 
It has some good moments and a couple of nice jokes.

Still the camera hand hold and the cuts are a bit rough. First you follow all the time the action with the camera and then you just cut for no particular reason to one of the other people sitting in the sofa.

The twist at the end is quite predictable, the script should have been revised a bit more. I read once that twists at the end can be quite a downer, mainly in comedy, as the audience feels cheated for keeping the attention so long.

The only piece of acting that seems really real is the off take of the baseball bat at the end, good one. The other ones are a bit fake. The characters need to have more energy, else we are all in the drowning mood they offer. If they act as dull the audience will have that idea of them and lose the interest.

Still, pretty good to put it together and sure you had plenty of fun.

Also avoid a bit the sound noises, they are above the voice audio.
 
I liked it. The dialogue is good, camera work is good, timing for cheese laughs and story is good.
The sound could use some attention and maybe they should have been watching TV when Dan arrives.

Doing these each week, and because they are short doesn’t give you much time, but maybe for future longer stuff you can add some nuances that define character more. For example, if this were longer and not as direct, then the boyfriend/girlfriend characters could be played up on in how Dan sits next to her and/or how she greets him when he arrives. A best bud character might be shown in how one of the other guys greets Dan. The guy in the chair might have character attributes and dynamic within the group that ties into why he is sitting separate from the others. The clothes could strengthen the characters to an extent as well. I agree with Backlash on the energy the characters could use more of. The “Shut up Courtney!” (Brutally ignored character) running gag would be good to see further developed until you nail it. As a group, I like the story possibilities you could explore. I can see some kind of mystery scenario storyline.

-Thanks-
 
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backlash said:
It has some good moments and a couple of nice jokes.

Still the camera hand hold and the cuts are a bit rough. First you follow all the time the action with the camera and then you just cut for no particular reason to one of the other people sitting in the sofa.

The twist at the end is quite predictable, the script should have been revised a bit more. I read once that twists at the end can be quite a downer, mainly in comedy, as the audience feels cheated for keeping the attention so long.

The only piece of acting that seems really real is the off take of the baseball bat at the end, good one. The other ones are a bit fake. The characters need to have more energy, else we are all in the drowning mood they offer. If they act as dull the audience will have that idea of them and lose the interest.

Still, pretty good to put it together and sure you had plenty of fun.

Also avoid a bit the sound noises, they are above the voice audio.
Click to expand...
I agree with you completely on the camera cuts. I know the acting still needs work, and there was some energy missing for sure. We filmed from 10:00PM till about 4:00am with a food break in between. I also agree with the script, hopefully our next one will have stronger writing. Thank you for the feedback.

Buddy Greenfield said:
I liked it. The dialogue is good, camera work is good, timing for cheese laughs and story is good.
The sound could use some attention and maybe they should have been watching TV when Dan arrives.

Doing these each week, and because they are short doesn’t give you much time, but maybe for future longer stuff you can add some nuances that define character more. For example, if this were longer and not as direct, then the boyfriend/girlfriend characters could be played up on in how Dan sits next to her and/or how she greets him when he arrives. A best bud character might be shown in how one of the other guys greets Dan. The guy in the chair might have character attributes and dynamic within the group that ties into why he is sitting separate from the others. The clothes could strengthen the characters to an extent as well. I agree with Backlash on the energy the characters could use more of. The “Shut up Courtney!” (Brutally ignored character) running gag would be good to see further developed until you nail it. As a group, I like the story possibilities you could explore. I can see some kind of mystery scenario storyline.

-Thanks-
Click to expand...
I'm glad you liked it, of course all of my friends and family enjoyed it but to hear from someone that doesn't know us that they liked it makes it worth it. Yes last weekend we didn't film, instead we shot around ideas and decided what we were going to film this weekend. I'm very interested in putting together a longer film and eventually a short web series but not until my actors have enough experience and we have those technical aspects nailed. Thanks for the feedback, all of it helps.
 
Keep the good work. I really liked the part where one guy says to the other "sure they are doing the same thing in the other room", and then we see them doing nothing. That really worked.

Filming 10pm to 4am! Wow, that is sacrifice, you have a good team there. Just ask your friends to be like they are, sure it makes it look nicer.
Also agree with buddy, it would be nice to have some chemestry moments between specific characters like the boyfriend-girlfriend

It's good to have timelines, we try to do the same. Film in one day, edit in 2 weeks. But we film during the day. And our acting sucks many times, mainly lack of preparation, or too theatrical... practice makes things better (I hope!)
 
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