Metal Machine (short film) - thriller/horror/dystopic
Excerpt from short film in production.

Synopsis
In a future where the chance to get born as a slave is greater than a normal citizen, the main character gets enough of the endless work and humiliation and decides to leave. He follows a rumour about a person that can remove the slave mark on the left arm. A journey for a home and his loved one. A journey that will transform him into Metal Machine...

shot with sony z1 and eazy jib, edited in premiere
runtime: 05:51

Video at Vimeo: http://www.vimeo.com/3256479

why didn't he just shoot the guys instead of staring at the gun blankly while they flailed about like retarded fish on the hood of his car?

i know this site is about film and it looked good to me (not that I know anything about film)...but that storyline is totally unrealistic, even within the fictitious world that is being created.

why didn't he just shoot the guys instead of staring at the gun blankly while they flailed about like retarded fish on the hood of his car?

i know this site is about film and it looked good to me (not that I know anything about film)...but that storyline is totally unrealistic, even within the fictitious world that is being created.

Thanks for your comment!
The film is still in production and the beginning is going to change. The car is not the main characters own car and the idea was that he searches for another thing planted earlier but then finds the gun instead and of course gets shocked. A little hard to describe but thats the idea, maybe you understand it better now ;)

Thanks again for taking your time!

/Johan

that does clarify things a little. i didn't realize he got shocked. it looked as if he just sat there staring at the pistol.

that does clarify things a little. i didn't realize he got shocked. it looked as if he just sat there staring at the pistol.

Yeah I know, will probably have to film that scene again. Especially the take on the main characters face is too dark to actually see his reaction.

Agree on the story, but "looks" really nice.

Agree on the story, but "looks" really nice.

Thanks for your comment!

/Johan

Updated the sequence with a slightly diffrent cut and new sound/music as well!

http://www.vimeo.com/3256479

IMO I think there is far too much shaky hand-held work, and it's far too dark. I'm not a fan of continuous hand-held...that's just me. It's a popular thing with a lot of people...but I'm from the school of thought that thinks far too few indie filmmakers use a tripod. Hand-held should be used sparingly to create tension, or during action sequences...the rest should be on sticks.

I also am not a fan of not being able to see any detail in a scene. I think silhouettes aren't very interesting to me...they should be used very sparingly...not through an entire scene. I think you can add a key and rim light in the distance with gels (and then iris down a touch)...this way you get a little detail and rimming...but still remain 'unseen.' You don't have to be totally unseen for the audience to understand what you are going for.

I think some of the shots are really cool. I like the guy outside the house before he comes in...when he drags the hatchet along the side of the house...good angle, good lighting, awesome warm colors of the house against cool blue sky.

Well...just my two cents. Thanks for sharing and good luck with the rest of the production.

IMO I think there is far too much shaky hand-held work, and it's far too dark. I'm not a fan of continuous hand-held...that's just me. It's a popular thing with a lot of people...but I'm from the school of thought that thinks far too few indie filmmakers use a tripod. Hand-held should be used sparingly to create tension, or during action sequences...the rest should be on sticks.

I also am not a fan of not being able to see any detail in a scene. I think silhouettes aren't very interesting to me...they should be used very sparingly...not through an entire scene. I think you can add a key and rim light in the distance with gels (and then iris down a touch)...this way you get a little detail and rimming...but still remain 'unseen.' You don't have to be totally unseen for the audience to understand what you are going for.

I think some of the shots are really cool. I like the guy outside the house before he comes in...when he drags the hatchet along the side of the house...good angle, good lighting, awesome warm colors of the house against cool blue sky.

Well...just my two cents. Thanks for sharing and good luck with the rest of the production.

Thanks for your comment!
I agree that the film is a little shaky and overall too dark. The lighting (or lack of) sure was a problem on this location. Thanks again!

the look of the film is great, nice colours and for the most part, good angles. The acting could have been better and the lighting looks like it was a problem.

I think that the action scenes you may have to create a faster pace with quicker cuts and I don't mind the fact you can't see much of whats happening as long as you cement its purpose with good sound effects.

Good job and look forward to seeing the final product

the look of the film is great, nice colours and for the most part, good angles. The acting could have been better and the lighting looks like it was a problem.

I think that the action scenes you may have to create a faster pace with quicker cuts and I don't mind the fact you can't see much of whats happening as long as you cement its purpose with good sound effects.

Good job and look forward to seeing the final product

Thanks for your comment!
Yeah, light and acting is not the best, will work more on that. Will defineatly keep in mind the things you are mentioning, both for this and future films.

I wish you would use some lighting...

My biggest criticism would be about the lighting during the cabin scene. Without being able to really see what was going on, I lost interest in the story. The back lighting outlines do make for a cool effect, but as M1chae1 wrote -- those shots should be used only occasionally. The rest of it held together well enough.

I wish you would use some lighting...

Yeah me too, will remember that from now on.

My biggest criticism would be about the lighting during the cabin scene. Without being able to really see what was going on, I lost interest in the story. The back lighting outlines do make for a cool effect, but as M1chae1 wrote -- those shots should be used only occasionally. The rest of it held together well enough.

Yes I agree, and thanks for your comment!